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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Were you in care?

11 replies

Kate223344 · 02/08/2018 20:43

Recently (for reasons I prefer not to go into) I have been coming across people who have been in the care of Social Services.

I don't know them well enough to ask them about it but I would really appreciate it if anyone would like to share their experiences of being in a children's home or similar.

I am embarrassed to admit that, growing up, I didn't fully appreciate what it might involve and I suppose I still don't.

Now I have my own children, I am thinking about fostering in the future to try to offer a home for a child who is in care. (Thanks for listening and yes I'm afraid I am posting in AIBU for traffic).

OP posts:
TaraCave · 02/08/2018 20:49

Everyone's going to have different experiences. I worked in that field and boy did those kids get it tough. Some foster carers are fantastic but not all sadly.
And some kids are so traumatised that they act out and demonstrate what is then labelled as destructive and challenging behaviours. I found that the kids I worked with had labels galore attached to them, some quite harmful labels

triggeredandhated · 03/08/2018 04:51

Hi I spent time in a children's home. Happy to answer any personal questions via PM or generic on the thread. I've also worked with people leaving care.

triggeredandhated · 03/08/2018 05:05

Fostering isn't massively easy to get approved for in the first place though - do you have a spare bedroom? (LAC children cannot share rooms)

  • How old are your own children and do you have the time and attention to devote to a traumatised child whilst raising your own?
  • are you able to acknowledge the fact it may actually present risks to your own children and have you thought about how you'd minimise that? Teenagers often lead other teens astray etc

In terms of children's homes... tbh I was in one because foster care wasn't suitable and so were the other kids, we were the ones who either had so many placements break down previously or who were so damaged that any placement would have broken down so they never looked for a placement in the first place.

Working with young people leaving care I saw a lot of young people who had foster/ and even adoptive parents who were returned to a placement in a children's home but still retained the relationship.

It's incredibly hard work, but those who do are very needed but please don't do it without really being certain - the last thing any foster children need to hear is the same thing they get told repeatedly- time to move on now. It's rejection after rejection.

HaudYerWheeshtBawbag · 03/08/2018 06:31

I was in care, due to both my parents being alcoholics and having mental health issues, however back then (30 years ago) we were in and out of care like yo-yo’s , and even tho abuse was known everyone turned a blind eye mostly.

I worked in children social services (BSW) for 10 years within the Emergency Duty Team, before giving it up due to personal reasons.

I now work in the housing sector and my knowledge in social services helps me massively in my current role.

Dunkling · 03/08/2018 07:03

I was in care. Happy to answer any questions.

SneakyGremlins · 03/08/2018 07:06

I lived in a children's home when I went back into care at age 15.

ChChChNamechange · 03/08/2018 07:30

I was in a childrens home. I was there because of stepfathers sexual and physical abuse.
I was there for quite a few years until I left at 16.

The home I was in was just that, a home. The staff were amazing. I knew a lot of other kids in care in different places and some of them were horrific. The home I was in was great. We were generally all long termers so grew up with one another.

We used to get some kids in and out and some of the things I heard/saw about were really bad.

I've been in touch with most of the kids I was in care with as an adult (it's 25 years since leaving now). It's a mixed bag. Some are doing well, some are ok, some have kids now going through the same system, 3 are in prison.

I'm still in touch with the unit manager and she gave me away at my wedding :)

I know I had a good place and a very good social worker so was lucky. It saved me, I would be dead for sure if it hadn't been for the love and care of that home.

TheMonkeyMummy · 03/08/2018 07:32

I was also in care, but not for long as I was placed with a foster family very quickly. Happy to answer questions too.

AllRoadsLeadBackToRadley · 03/08/2018 13:00

I'll help if I can.

In and out of care from the age of 5, a "problem child" with more placements than I can count, and children's homes too.

Feel free to PM.

AllRoadsLeadBackToRadley · 03/08/2018 13:04

Oh- should have said, happy to help on here too.

Original poster
Kate223344 · 04/08/2018 07:37

Thanks everyone who has taken the time to reply. I'll keep thinking things through and may PM some of you. Best wishes.

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