Relationship with ex partner

[Justanotherchange]

Name changed for this.

Just after some opinions which Aibu usually draws.

Me and my ex broke up a few month ago. I was to blame for a lot of it, he played a part too but there was/is a lot of stuff that I’d never dealt with that affected this relationship, no cheating in either side.

We have two young children. Things were rough at first but recently we have started laughing, found myself laughing with him again.

The more time we spend together, the more I start liking him again but realising we aren’t meant to be but I care deeply about him and enjoy his company, in small doses.

I don’t think he loves me anymore, he’s actually told me that anyway and tbh I don’t think I’m in love with him either.

He recently bought me a coat that I’d been looking at for ages but they never had it in my size. I thanked him and said he shouldn’t have. Then last weekend we ordered food and just chilled out together. I’m still living in the family home.

I guess My Aibu is, to ask if it’s okay carrying in like this. I mean realistically we will both meet people in future but that’s the last thing on my mind, I just want to concentrate on my dc and myself.

My fil (his father) mentioned the other day he thought our set up was a strange for want of a better word, but if it’s working for us and dc then why not.

I’m happy with the way things are going, I’m not expecting him to fall back in love with me and not do I want him too and I’m quite certain he feels the same.

We have also been chatting about taking the dc away for a few days, as a family. Part of me thinks this will only end in tears and the other thinks, we’re all happy, we have no expectations it’s working

Aibu to carry on like this?

Sorry that was long 🙈

Yanbu at the moment because relationship break ups are hard, and if you can make it a little easier for yourselves then good for you

However, this will fucking hurt when you both get used to this comfy arrangement and then one of you meets someone. I think you can be civil but essentially need proper space to get over each other.

Sounds like you could do with some counselling to help you through your issues too

Lots of relationships have a kind of twilight period where you've agreed there's no future but you're still
emotionally tangled.
Keep doing it while it works for both of you and is respectful, one of you will step away eventually.

Thank you. I have set the wheels in motion to finally seek help and support.

I think that’s what makes it hard too, I know I played a massive part in this breakup, for things I had never dealt with, and now I need to.

logistically, it is easier if he comes to the family home to see the dc, especially with work etc... and he is paying by far more than he needs to, so even if I wanted, I couldn’t expect him not to see them here and spend time at the house.

He’s a fantastic dad, he’s so good to me but I know when he meets someone things will have to change. For his own father, who very rarely shares his opinion, to say this can’t carry on, really makes me wonder.

I just don’t don’t want to ruin things whilst it’s workinf

Sorry about the poor grammar 😳 using a phone whilst youngest dc is falling asleep on me

Does this not confuse your dc?

I have thought this! I don’t know, I’ve never been or imagined myself in this position, their 1 and 2 if that makes any difference.

We both work shifts so are all over the place sometimes and as their dad he wants to be there when he can. Sometimes the oldest asks for daddy and I just say work, their lives are really no different to how they were when we were together.

I don’t want to confuse them. I want to show them that although we are not together, we will always be a family and they are our first priority, we will do what’s best by them and communicate/work together for them... or am I being naive?