First time I’ve posted so hope I’m doing this right. I’m really struggling with family life at the minute. We have three boys 13, 11 and 9. DH is a teacher and he works 40 miles away so I’m the school holidays he is barely to be seen in the week.
However, now he’s on his summer break I feel he could do a bit more to help out around the house. I’m working every day as normal and him and the boys are home every day but I get home to absolute carnage. I am so embarrassed about the state of our house. Everywhere is so untidy and chaotic. I was really hoping they could all pitch in and help out a bit while they are all off but they have done nothing. DH will put a bit of washing out and then leave it dumped for me to sort through. I gave up ironing for people years ago.
I am so frustrated. And I feel so upset and out upon. I don’t have a summer holiday yet I have to come home and tidy up and sort the mess out. I ask DH to make sure the kids have a shower and brush their teeth and he won’t think to do it. I specifically asked him yesterday to make sure DS3 had a wash today as he was smelling a bit funky. Yet he forgot to do it.
I am aware he is on his summer holidays but I don’t have the luxury of six weeks off in the summer. We have piles of crap everywhere that need taking to a charity shop or the tip and he just leaves it all. I am sure he wants to chill out. I know how busy he is the rest of the year but he and the kids just do not lift a finger. Why should I have to ask him stuff? Why can’t he just contribute?
I have some friends coming from out of town this week and feel like I can’t have them around as the house looks so awful.
He has a stressful job and a few years ago he was diagnosed with depression. He found solace in writing which is great but I feel it is selfish to focus exclusively on something he wants to do all the time. I have quite a stressful job too (not in education like him) but I don’t have the luxury of being able to dedicate hours and hours of my time to a hobby just for me like he does.
Am I being unreasonable to expect a partner to contribute a bit more and set a better example to our kids? Or is it fair enough that he should just get to do nothing in the holidays?
I am at my wits end. I cannot get through to him no matter what I do or say. He switches off and eventually will become quite aggressive in tone if he feels like he is being challenged to much.
I am so utterly fed up with living somewhere that looks so awful. The whole house is shabby and is badly in need of decorating. He refuses to do that too. I don’t expect him to do things alone. But he point blank refuses to help. If we are to decorate I have to do it. He promised he would have a go at decorating the bedroom in the summer holidays by now they are here he just won’t and makes excuse after excuse.
I feel so frustrated and feel like I can’t stay married forever in this situation. I honestly don’t think he will ever change. Have other people ever been able to come to terms with living with somebody this lazy?
He didn’t used to be as bad as this but over the years it has got worse and worse. I’d love to take pride in my home but I feel just shame.
I am not a neat freak. I am not obsessive. I’m quite happy to live in a fairly relaxed way. But I feel at breaking point about a situation I have less and less control over. I cannot keep on top of the mess of five people.
Sorry for the ranty ramble. Just didn’t know where else to turn. Thanks for listening.