Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

Gutted at dd, 7

24 replies

eco1636 · 02/08/2018 16:42

I went to peep quickly on dd this morning as she was in a club with about 10 kids - she only knew 2 or 3 of them. I was helping elsewhere.
It was before it all started and she was sitting back whilst they all pottered about. She was on her own and looking sad. Anyway, then she reached out her leg and kicked a boy. It really looked like she did it for attention, and he didn't notice or turn around. So it clearly wasn't hard.
I just feel gutted, she didn't know I was there and she behaved like that.
She was so contrite when I mentioned it to her, at first saying it was an accident, but then accepting it wasn't kind.
Now my mind is racing about what she is 'really' like when I'm not there. In school the teaching and supervision is very hot, and she behaves afaik. But in this club, it was just mums and they weren't watching (not should they be, of course).
Have I raised a monster?

NC as v

OP posts:

icelollycraving · 02/08/2018 16:45

You haven’t raised a monster. Come on, sometimes kids don’t express themselves very well. I’d say she probably wanted to play and join in but felt too shy to do so.
No need to nc, they’re all horrors at times.

Singlenotsingle · 02/08/2018 16:47

She sounds very young. Is it nursery? And no, she's not a monster. They all do it, and they bite too.

TheLionRoars1110 · 02/08/2018 16:47

You're being super dramatic. The boy didn't even notice and you think she's a monster?! Your daughter is not an angel and makes mistakes (as do you). That's ok. Nobody's perfect and she's clearly sorry.

Original poster

eco1636 · 02/08/2018 16:50

She is 7.
Yes, I do make mistakes and I remember making them at her age too.
I am so worried she will turn out 'like me', as I was so troubled as a child and teen.
That's prob why I'm upset.

OP posts:

Happygoldfinch · 02/08/2018 16:51

At 7, I'd be disappointed in my DC, too - I understand your concern. But @icelollycraving's explanation sounds plausible - she probably really did want to join in and was looking for an invite, or to be noticed. My DCs are all quiet shy and have always struggled making that first move into involvement. Have you observed how she plays once she's got herself past that first step?

JessicaJonesJacket · 02/08/2018 16:53

It's not ideal but she's hardly a monster. I'd be more concerned about why she wasn't engaging and why she looked sad. I'd think both those points had impacted on her behaviour.

Original poster

eco1636 · 02/08/2018 16:57

She felt out of place not knowing anyone from what I can gather.

OP posts:

KimWexler · 02/08/2018 17:03

I think you need to forgive yourself/give yourself some love for having been troubled as a child/teen, and try not to project those feelings onto your daughter - she's her own person, not you.

And it's natural to feel worried, I would have been too, but it definitely does make her a monster, probably just that she felt a few conflicting emotions about wanting to join in/not being able to/being cross at herself for not being able to and not being able to process or express those things, all of which you can help her with, by listening, good communication etc, and showing her it's OK to feel things and how to deal with them.

KimWexler · 02/08/2018 17:04

Oh god does NOT make her a monster, gah

oohyoudevilyou · 02/08/2018 17:13

She's not a monster, just a bit socially inept. I did that sort of thing as a child and was usually upset with myself, but I just didn't know how to make friends. Model friendly behaviour through imaginative play, and try and expose her to plenty of social situations with other children - I'm sure she'll be fine when she's picked up a few skills!

UKsounding · 02/08/2018 17:13

It's great that you notice and act this types of behaviour, but instead of worrying and soul searching perhaps there is something you could do something to help her learn from this occasion and 'do better' next time.

Perhaps it would be useful to role play this type of situation with her and give her some more effective/acceptable ways of dealing with feeling left out.

Coyoacan · 02/08/2018 17:15

Have I raised a monster?

I hate to say it, OP, but overreactions like this make children sneaky. How on earth can they possibly own up to misdeeds, if you are immediately going to jump to an extreme.

No child, or adult for that matter, is perfect. We can only guide them to better behaviour, but all children are naughty and/or thoughtless at times.

Mummyoflittledragon · 02/08/2018 17:20

Your job isn’t to be disappointed at your dd. It’s to build her confidence. My dd has bags of it these days. Not so much so a few years ago when she was very unhappy and bullied. She had a terrible time at school for about 6 months in yr1. I stopped looking for play dates as the ring leader and former best friend turned all the children against her and started to take her to a number of after school activities. She did rainbows to begin with. Does your dd do brownies? Over a period of 3 years she rekindled friendships and found others and became widely liked at school. Dd still does a wide variety of activities and also has made friendships outside of school.

I really would recommend activities, where you are also present and can watch her. Dd is massively sporty so she does rugby, judo, dancing etc.

Sunnybeachbabe · 02/08/2018 17:34

I feel a bit sorry for her, sounds like she felt a bit out of place and kicked the boy thinking he'd turn round, she could pretend it was an accident and it'd be a way to start up a conversation? Could you stay with her until it starts or ask one of the helpers to give her a job? Don't panic though, she's just a 7 year old who didn't quite know what to do..... not a monster

toomuchtooold · 02/08/2018 17:35

I bet a pound to a penny that there's an underlying cause for your having been a troubled child/teen, and that you have done your utmost to make sure that whatever it was, it didn't happen to your DD.

If she was willing to share with you that she felt left out then your communication is pretty good - next time you could just ask her if she can think of any other ways of getting involved that might work better.

funinthesun18 · 02/08/2018 17:48

She’s not a monster op, but its not a good thing what she did.

Also, the responses on here would have been very different if your DD was a DS and he kicked a girl.

Coyoacan · 02/08/2018 18:54

Also, the responses on here would have been very different if your DD was a DS and he kicked a girl.

Well mine wouldn't have been.

In fact I was thinking of a young boy I knew when I made my comment.

JessicaJonesJacket · 03/08/2018 21:46

Nor mine. I was thinking how I would have responded if it had been DS at 7.

IceCreamFace · 03/08/2018 21:49

If it wasn't even hard enough for the boy to turn around it can't really have been a kick more like she prodded him with her foot to try and get his attention. Not a big deal although I would try to help her find better ways to make friends and start conversations.

IceCreamFace · 03/08/2018 21:50

Also, the responses on here would have been very different if your DD was a DS and he kicked a girl.

Mine would be no different - it's not like anyone was even hurt. The kid didn't even notice!

UpstartCrow · 03/08/2018 22:26

Shouldn't the club be doing some group activities to introduce them to each other and break the ice? Social skills are like any other skill, they can be learned and you need to practice.

liz70 · 03/08/2018 23:35

At the same age I pushed the teacher's pet off some outdoor school play equipment (can't remember what exactly; it was 40 years ago), because she wouldn't get off and let someone else have a turn. Let's just say that I might as well have been Hitler's twin sister as far as everyone was concerned.
Suffice to say, I haven't turned into a serial killer, just a SAHM and mother of three.

Ohyesiam · 03/08/2018 23:38

Can it really be classed as a kick
If the boy didn’t notice? Maybe More like she prodded him with her foot?

Nino86 · 03/08/2018 23:46

I can’t really make sense of this. I don’t know how you can kick someone and the person not even notice. Sounds like she prodded them for attention and certainly didn’t attempt to hurt anyone. It just sounds like she’s a bit shy. I think you’re completely overreacting.

Flip

Swipe left for the next trending thread