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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wibu to leave my son in this scenario

67 replies

Frazzled2207 · 02/08/2018 14:31

Was at a major shopping centre earlier (they had a free kids event on, I don't normally take them there!)
Two DSs are 3 and 5. 5yo is fairly sensible and mature for his age, 3 yo not so much.
At lunchtime they got whingey and demanded lunch. Agreed on McDonald's which took quite a while and by the time it came they were very whingey.

Found table, get bits out, elder son very happy tucking into burger. At that moment younger son demands toilet. He is only quite recently trained so from experience I know that getting him to wait is not an option.
I look around and there is a very respectable looking family (with older children- young teens) sat on the next table. I asked them if they'd be fine keeping an eye on 5yo while I dashed to loos with 3 yo. They were totally fine with it. They were not far away (the loos). 5 yo was fine with the plan so off I went. I was back in 3-4 minutes. All was well. Mum of the other family (fistbump if you're reading Grin) when I thanked her said "don't worry I remember what it's like when you have two smalls by yourself". However there was an older couple nearby as well and they tut tutted loudly in a very disapproving fashion and said within earshot "I can't believe she did left her son like that".

So WIBU to have done this? Agree not ideal but what were my realistic other options given that we were just getting food out- just leave it all there, take both boys and risk it being taken away? Put it all back on the tray and take it to the toilets with us?

Realise that probably the best thing was to have done toilet stop before McDonald's but they were very whingey wanting food.

OP posts:
BarbarianMum · 02/08/2018 15:19

I'd happily keep an eye on someone's child but I'd certainly not want to guard an empty table w half-eaten food on it from all comers.

OP I'd have done the same.

ChimesAtMidnight · 02/08/2018 15:21

who are theses people who make comments on leaving children/ breastfeeding/ how a child is dressed.
The very same people who use the internet to fat shame, body shame, and generally moan and complain about how others live their lives.

Birdsgottafly · 02/08/2018 15:25

""and if they did the old couple were clearly looking out for it!""

Actually that's a good point. When I played out in the 70's, there was an older Woman in the front, waiting to chat with someone, pottering about etc. They watched us and got involved if anything was going on.

So you should have made a comment back about "old people these days".

Takfujimoto · 02/08/2018 15:25

YANBU, however I've learnt to take my two elder ones (10&6) to the toilet first before we order because 9/10 times if I don't they will both need the toilet within the first 5 minuets of eating.
I can send the 10yr old alone now, but DD has a bladder the size of a thimble.
If it's busy I leave DS in the que, take DD to the toilet, come back ask DS what he wants then send him off and he's usually back before the food is ready.

ACatsNoHelpWithThat · 02/08/2018 15:26

I think what you did was reasonable. Being a restaurant there were clearly other people around who would still be there when you got back, so in practice although you only asked one family to keep an eye on your 5yo there would surely have been a few other people also keeping an eye on him, it's just easier to ask one lot of diners rather than everyone!

M00nUnit · 02/08/2018 15:28

I agree with BarbarianMum - stopping a table from being cleared or anyone else from sitting there would be far more of a hassle than keeping an eye on a 5 year old for a few minutes!

Mummyoflittledragon · 02/08/2018 15:29

I understand your dilemma. I have an only child. I don’t think I would have done this but I understand why you did.

Billben · 02/08/2018 15:30

I don’t see any issues with what you’ve done to be honest. It’s nice to know that there are kind people out there who don’t mind helping out if asked.

cariadlet · 02/08/2018 15:34

You did the obvious and most sensible thing.

It would have been much quicker to take the 3 year old on his own rather than having to take 2, and if you had taken your 5 year old he'd have probably been whinging about wanting his food.

Your ds didn't mind being left for a few minutes, he was happily eating his lunch and not causing anybody any bother, the other family were happy to keep an eye on him. No problem.

MakeMineALarge1 · 02/08/2018 15:34

I can see no issue with this at all, I too have done it, and I too have watched other peoples children whilst they do it.

I don't believe there is someone wanting to nick children on every street corner!

spottybetty · 02/08/2018 15:36

I'd have done what you did.

And talking about elderly folk judging: my MIL put her kids, in prams, in the guard's van on the train down to Devon from London and gave the guard a bottle. The guard apparently fed her babies...

I judged that!!

Rebecca36 · 02/08/2018 15:36

You did nothing wrong, you asked someone to keep an eye on your son for a few minutes. The other people should not have been so judgemental and instead minded their own business.

krustykittens · 02/08/2018 15:38

I've done it and I have offered to do it for other complete strangers in similar situations. I once had an elderly lady shout at me that my child should be in bed when I was carrying her in my arms, up the road to our house. Yes, she should have been, she was two and it has 10.30 at night but we were on our way back from A&E. Did I get an apology once the situation was explained? Did I buggery, just pursed lips and tutting as she walked off! Some people can start a fight in an empty house, I don't think it matters how old they are. Although they probably get even grumpier as they get older!

Troton · 02/08/2018 15:39

I’d if definitely done the same as you.
The other day I had to ask a family to hold my 5 month old baby while i ran the 3yo to the toilet (all of 10 meters away)
There were two kids, their mum and dad and gran and grandad and they were all tucking into their food and drinks at the park cafe. It briefly crossed my mind about baby being nicked but really, they weren’t gonna pay for all their food then steal my baby haha! Also the cafe was busy, here would of been 20 whitnesses it wouldn’t be easy to steal him.
he’s also a massive grump and if anyone stole him they’d probably bring him back 😂

Theboldandthebeautiful1 · 02/08/2018 15:53

I would have asked them to watch our food and taken both kids to the loo. I know it’s tricky to juggle sometimes. If you think that you did the right thing that’s all that matters.

TinyTear · 02/08/2018 15:56

I did that once in Carluccios... left the 6yo at the table

kaytee87 · 02/08/2018 15:59

I think the biggest risk of leaving a child by themselves is them running off, not someone snatching them in a busy McDonald's (!). You obviously knew your son was sensible enough to stay put and asked an adult to keep an eye out.
Totally fine imo (and I'm overly anxious in general about child safety)

RoboticSealpup · 02/08/2018 16:00

I wouldn't have done it but I worry about everything. I wouldn't judge you for it.

RoboticSealpup · 02/08/2018 16:01

The guard apparently fed her babies...

What!? Why!?

Trinity66 · 02/08/2018 16:04

I think it's fine

hibbledibble · 02/08/2018 16:09

At 5 I would have asked someone to watch the food and taken the children with me. It's a small risk, but an unnecessary one.

SleightOfMind · 02/08/2018 16:10

My DM’s like this I’m afraid.
Lax as fuck when she was a parent.

Nearly fainted and drove herself to casualty with ‘shock’ when one of my DC gagged on a blueberry. Wink

She doesn’t read the Mail but most of her church friends do.

She means no harm though, just feels a bit irrelevant sometimes. Can I apologise on her behalf. Blush

mumofmunchkin · 02/08/2018 16:27

Sounds reasonable. Other options (if you don't see a likely looking family) are to take your tray up to the counter and ask them to have it on one side for a moment (I've done this in Costa), or to take the kids and ask someone to keep an eye on your food.

Original poster
Frazzled2207 · 02/08/2018 16:27

Thanks the reality check. Pleased that most people thought I was NBU.

For those thinking of a James Bulger scenario I want to stress that the 5yo is very trustworthy and knows not to speak to strangers or run off and get lost (as pp said by far the most likely risk). He was thoroughly engrossed in, and wanting, the burger too. If the situation was reversed with the sons I would not have left the 3yo as he'd possibly run off and/or have one of his moments.

I said "older couple", I did not mean elderly, just older than me. I'd say 50s.

I do find that when you're out and about with kids there does seem to a certain solidarity between parents and we help each other out which I'm very grateful for. I don't think I would have left adults without children in charge of my son in this kind of scenario.

Anyway suffice to say next time we'll do a toilet stop first.

OP posts:
Original poster
Frazzled2207 · 02/08/2018 16:29

@cariadlet
You summed up my thought process perfectly! Thank you

OP posts:
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