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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to want to know what's happening?

29 replies

AsteroidAsterix · 02/08/2018 09:34

I probably am.

I know a lot of it is my problem. I'm a bit of a loner at heart, can fake social skills for a bit then like to hide in my own home.

Around 90% of the time DH is the same.
But he didn't used to be, he used to be a huge party animal and it's how a lot of his old friends still see him.

There's a party this weekend (in the day time!) and I know there's already talk of what's happening after and one couple have been invited to stay at ours.

I'm dreading it. There's no firm plan. I know DH will revert to life and soul of the party, there'll be singing, there'll be loud stories of the good old days when he was the man Grin from others, not him, he's not that bad. He'll have a more the merrier approach to it all and I'll be dying inside a bit.

I'd just like to know who is coming, do I need to sort beds, food, clean the house.

DH will say let them sleep on the sofa, order food, no one cares if the house is a mess etc. But they're not a group of teenage boys anymore. They're grown men, bringing wives, possibly children.
He doesn't understand why it bothers me so much, why I need to know.

I'm trying not to stress too much and just going on the assumption that people will stay here so I'll make beds, clean the house, go shopping etc.

Gah, reading that through, I know I'm being unreasonable. I think I just prefer my grumpy DH, who wants to watch box sets with me and be in bed by 10pm...maybe 11pm on a Saturday Wink .

OP posts:
Pickleypickles · 02/08/2018 09:38

I dont think YABU i need to know whats happening with things too. Knowing people were coming but not knowing who or how many or anything would break me I think ha. (But maybe we are both unreasonable Grin)

Maelstrop · 02/08/2018 09:38

YANBU. If you have people staying, you need to know how many. If he doesn’t know, he needs to firm up the plans.

Pickleypickles · 02/08/2018 09:38

YANBU even

RiverTam · 02/08/2018 09:42

I’m with you, I can’t stand there not being a plan, it would make me very anxious.

I dunno, I would insist on knowing at least how many people to expect.

Neshoma · 02/08/2018 09:44

Are you starting to feel unwell? Could it be noro virus or something more catching????? hint hint

Original poster
AsteroidAsterix · 02/08/2018 09:46

Thank you!! All of you.
DH is so easy going with it all that it's hard not to feel like the unreasonable one.

Now you mention it, I am feeling a little off... Grin

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 02/08/2018 09:47

Ah so your husband invited an undefined number of people to stay and you'll have to sort out all the beds and food for them. Sounds fun Hmm

Original poster
AsteroidAsterix · 02/08/2018 09:48

I also get annoyed with myself because I know I'll go quiet. There's some huge personalities among his friends and I just seem to stop talking.

OP posts:
icelollycraving · 02/08/2018 09:49

I’d plan for worst case scenario which it sounds like it would be s houseful. Get in as much shopping as you may need but can use/freeze if they don’t show. Get rooms ready. If they don’t come you will have a nice clean fresh home which always makes my anxiety better.

Original poster
AsteroidAsterix · 02/08/2018 09:50

Sounds great doesn't it shox ?
In his defence he doesn't expect me to do anything...but he also knows that I will either do it or stress about it not being done.

OP posts:
Seasawride · 02/08/2018 09:52

Good gracious of course you are not being unreasonable!!!!

I would t hsve this at all. Can you get control and find out what will be going on or tell dh he needs to or it’s off.

This would drive me insane

Jonjah · 02/08/2018 09:56

I'd need to know also. What happens if you've got someone with an allergy or vegetarian. Or a small baby that will need all sorts. I'm probably making it worse! Find out, and once you know, make a list of all the jobs and make DH do half of them. Tell him No one is stepping foot into your home until they are done! Grin

Shoxfordian · 02/08/2018 10:01

I'd be tempted to just leave it if I were you. He's fine with it and they're his friends so let him have those standards for them.

Skittlesandbeer · 02/08/2018 10:01

Get the phone numbers off DH and take this whole thing in hand yourself. Talk to the wives, get the info, ask them to bring X, Y, Z.

Doing something nice for your partner doesn’t mean being a mug or a pushover. Or welcoming all out chaos into your home. Say yes, by all means, but take control of the thing. Ignore any eye-rolling, you do what your mental health requires. And go to your bed when they get boring, with a cheery unapologetic ‘goodnight, folks!’.

Use your worry (about yourself) to plan what you can, and instantly bin any worry you have about what any of them think of you. You’re hosting, it’s a position of strength.

Good luck!

Original poster
AsteroidAsterix · 02/08/2018 10:03

I've just dug out the travel cot Hmm .

I will ask him again what's happening and crack on with preparing for a house full. It will make me feel better even if it doesn't happen, like you said icelolly.

The kids can help me clean...or at least try to stop making more mess.

OP posts:
Nikephorus · 02/08/2018 10:03

YANBU at all. It sounds like my idea of hell. Worse case scenario planning and then if no-one stays after all you have the triple satisfaction of an empty house, it being clean, and a full fridge. In fact I'd clean & shop and then claim illness so I could enjoy it in peace!!

Original poster
AsteroidAsterix · 02/08/2018 10:09

It's like this at Christmas too to be honest. Never really sure who is coming and when.

Last year was awful, we'd been up since silly o'clock with the kids and 2 of his friends came in the evening when I just wanted to chill. I was turkey full! I did end up saying a cheery goodnight at around midnight.

I just find it so draining. DH loves it though.

OP posts:
Nofunkingworriesmate · 02/08/2018 10:17

Surely grown adults especially ones with babies requiring a cot will have made firm plans??
It's ok yo take a risk and flop on a crusty sofa when a student but not with kids!

Original poster
AsteroidAsterix · 02/08/2018 10:18

But he does do all of the cooking at Christmas so that probably is me just being a bit mardy Blush

OP posts:
Nofunkingworriesmate · 02/08/2018 10:19

Also your oh should be doing all ( or at least half) the preparations
Why does it come down to you? it's 2018 not 1940's!

Original poster
AsteroidAsterix · 02/08/2018 10:24

You'd think so nofunkin but they're all quite...free spirited, plus our kids are the oldest in the group so I think there's an assumption that we'll have everything already anyway.
It's not that it comes down to me it's just that he doesn't think there's anything tgat needs doing. Be that making solid plans or preparing for guests.

OP posts:
Nothisispatrick · 02/08/2018 10:27

I think YABU sorry. All this worry is self inflicted. DP is far more socialable that me and we regularly have his friends to stay, like fuck do I do extra cleaning or make up the rooms.

In fact his parents are coming to stay this weekend and the most I will be preparing is reminding him to sort the spare room out.

Glumglowworm · 02/08/2018 10:29

YANBU

I’m like this too, I need to know what the plan is. I usually don’t really mind what it is, as long as I know.

HollowTalk · 02/08/2018 10:30

So one couple has been invited. I'd sort out the house and work out where they'll sleep. I wouldn't do any more. If people are daft enough to turn up without bedding/somewhere to stay etc then they deserve what they get.

Original poster
AsteroidAsterix · 02/08/2018 10:45

I know the worry is probably unnecessary but he also knows that I will worry unnecessarily.

I plan to do just enough cleaning but not go over the top. I'll buy snack food and breakfast things. We can order food.

The spare room will be ready and with a small amount of shuffling another bedroom could be free. I also know where the travel cot is, a child's ready bed and an air bed. There's also sofas. And a tent...for me to hide in Grin .

They are all really lovely people but I just feel so out of my comfort zone, which is probably something I need to work on.

OP posts:
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