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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Odd body language AIBU

27 replies

SarahWhat · 01/08/2018 23:44

Went on a date and the guy seemed quite into me body language wise. He was very sweet and polite but quite nervous and fidgeted quite a bit. This is really awkward to say but indulge me (I’ve has a glass of wine and am not a troll!!!) - at one point, I noticed his hand was sort of rhythmically moving next to his leg. Not in a weird way but in a fidgeting way, he definitely wasn’t aware. Kind of next to his leg, open palm, going up and down... He didn’t seem to be aware of this at all but it made me sort of think of, well, something else entirely Smile Am I reading for too much into one tiny innocuous hand gesture? He didn’t seem to be aware but I was pretty transfixed by it!!!

OP posts:
HarrietSchulenberg · 01/08/2018 23:46

Was it in a Vic Reeves' thigh rubbing fashion? Means he likes you Wink.

Original poster
SarahWhat · 01/08/2018 23:49

It wasn’t thigh rubbing! More just like an unconscious gesture - it was obvious enough for me to pick up on but don’t think he realised!

OP posts:
PolkaHots · 01/08/2018 23:51

What are you asking?

Are you saying he was imagining wanking or something?

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 01/08/2018 23:51

Probably just something he does when he's nervous...

Original poster
SarahWhat · 01/08/2018 23:53

Polka that’s really what came to mind tbh. But it’s awkward to say and, yes, may well have been just nerves and I may be hugely misreading...!

OP posts:
KeepServingTheDrinks · 01/08/2018 23:53

Tbh I'd concentrate on getting to know him, whether you like him, whether he likes you. And I'd put the body language book back on the shelf

Original poster
SarahWhat · 01/08/2018 23:54

Sort of hand between his legs moving up and down - just was obvious enough for me to wonder if means anything! No big deal obviously

OP posts:
Original poster
SarahWhat · 01/08/2018 23:54

Thanks Keep, that is the plan...

OP posts:
AfternoonTeaIsLovely · 01/08/2018 23:58

If I was sat opposite someone I wasn't attracted too, I'd find this gross. If it was someone I was attracted too, let's say Tom Hardy, then I'd be extremely flattered, hot under the collar and excited for more...

which way did he make you feel???

Toombumber · 01/08/2018 23:58

It can be a side effect of stimulants, a lot of caffeine, or stronger things.

Original poster
SarahWhat · 01/08/2018 23:58

The latter!

OP posts:
LockedOutOfMN · 02/08/2018 00:00

Nervous, maybe hot / itchy?

AtrociousCircumstance · 02/08/2018 00:00

Sounds a bit odd. It would make me more cautious.

UpstartCrow · 02/08/2018 00:13

There's a technique called matching and mirroring, you might want to look at that.

Original poster
SarahWhat · 02/08/2018 00:19

Upstart - oh how clever of you, shit yeah come to think of it I was doing the same to him!

OP posts:
CSIblonde · 02/08/2018 00:21

I got this on a recent date too. Twitching & repetitive gestures (constantly smoothing his hair & stroking his knee). He'd "taken something to take the edge off" when I asked if it was nerves. I was very unimpressed & didn't go on another date.

Original poster
SarahWhat · 02/08/2018 00:23

Thanks but it was a one off and it really, really didn’t seem chemically induced! Have experience of that and it really didn’t seem to be. Just a bit fidgety

OP posts:
Skittlesandbeer · 02/08/2018 00:27

Personally, I prefer more of a ‘cool customer’ rather than someone with such obvious (public!) nervous tics. It would likely bother me down the track if it was happening every time he was excited/scared. Dunno, just a bit too insecure for me.

Doesn’t mean it’s a deal-breaker though, could be you like the sensitivity and sweetness that it demonstrates?

Joboy · 02/08/2018 00:29

Drugs or something like ASD

ShapelyBingoWing · 02/08/2018 00:33

No, I don't think subconscious phantom wanking is an established body language thing. It's far more likely a nervous habit.

StillMedusa · 02/08/2018 00:34

My (adult) son does this...but it's totally unconscious. He has ASD and OCD and it's like a nervous tic. It's not remotely sexual. Mind you he also eats paper and his t shirts... I presume your date wasn't doing that !!!

Yetanotherusername1 · 02/08/2018 00:39

It sound like he was self-grooming. It's a calming repetitive motion when someone is nervous or anxious. I can always tell my DH is anxious, because he rubs his neck and my Ex used to constantly smooth his hair.

I think it unlikely he was trying to crack on off under the table.

Original poster
SarahWhat · 02/08/2018 00:41

Not suggesting he was trying to crack on off. Just idly (and indulgently!) wondering whether it meant anything to do with his feelings for me - haven’t dated in ages and out of the game. Can see now it appears to be a nervous thing!!!

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1forAll74 · 02/08/2018 00:45

An over reaction about the hand movements I think,,they guy was probably a trite nervous on this first date. I think that some younger men these days,are always wondering what will happen on a newbie date, as lots of women these days are very discerning about what they expext a man to behave like on a date, and it makes them nervous I suppose.
My heyday was in the 60 era,and there were no such problems,and definitely no discussions about such things,

Colouringaddict · 02/08/2018 00:55

I bet he didn’t even know he was doing it! I jiggle my leg, all the time, drives everyone mad, but I never realise I’m doing it until I’m told off. St Vitus dance it’s called