Can’t cat sit and feeling guilty

[2beesornot2beesthatisthehoney]

My friend has booked a last minute 10 day holiday and asked me to mind the cat. I work full time , would need to drive over there after an 11 hour day and on 3 days will not be home until even later due to a training course. I really don’t feel able to do it this time . Only recently did a week for her. Friend doesn’t want to use a cattery to save money ( or presumably pay a cat sitter) and has gone huffy with me.
AIBU saying no?

Too late now for this time around but you could suggest she gets an automatic cat feeder. Mine gives 4 meals in 48 hours which means my cat sitters only need to come in every 3 days to feed the cat and refill the feeder

Cheeky cow. She’s not your friend, she’s a user.

Hope you feel better soon

No more favours, no more cat sitting. You’re not her employee.

Wtf, cheek of her. Ex friend now eh.

I feel totally used. No contact till now, when she is now other side of the country. If I had been well I would have probably felt sufficiently guilty to just go and do it. Right now I am in no state to . The cat will go hungry if she can’t sort something.

2 words. 2cnd off. Is your response.

Suggest she joins Trusted Housesitters? Me and my partner sit through this site and it's well established and runs background checks and verifies all sitters. Still much cheaper than cattery and cat gets looked after in its own home. Win win all round.

Her problem.

Why do you feel so guilty? It’s worth giving that some thought. You don’t owe her anything. You really don’t. She doesn’t seem to care about you at all, she’s manipulative and rude.

And don’t suggest anything. I can see posters are trying to be helpful but she owns the cat, it’s her sole responsibility.

I messaged back immediately but she has not picked it up so she has messaged and run. Hmmmm...

Don’t go. I mean she’s relying on you being a nice person and worrying about the cat. She’s a cat owner. It’s her responsibility. I would never arrange a holiday without solid pet care in place.

Hope you feel better soon

You say you’ve just done it recently, I would’ve said this and that she will need to find someone else. If you have a pet you need to arrange kennels/cattery for going away or another solution. I wouldn’t expect my friends to feed my cats, they are my responsibility and if I couldn’t pay to have them and the dog looked after whilst away I would not book to go anywhere.

Op hope you’re feeling better soon and hope this ‘friend’ leaves you alone

What an utter twat

She is a right CF!
Hope your tooth feels better soon

MsJolly my tooth is fine and enjoying its new home in the bin at the dentists. It’s just the hole it left behind that aches! 😁
Catzilla? or catCF .

Completely out of order. You already said you couldn’t do it so you shouldn’t feel guilty. My friends and family mind each other’s pets if we can but on the occasions they’ve had to say no I’ve just used a cat sitter not tried to ambush them into going it anyway.

Personally I have noticed a tendency with friends and villagers, a sort of subconscious assumption - if I stepped in to help them one time with pets, they “subcounsciously” then assume that I am the permanent solution to their problems the next time.

It’s taken me ages to learn to offer a compromise.
I can’t do what they are asking, but Instead of refusing the request, I simply offer something less than has been asked, which suits my own schedule.

....I have learnt to say considered things like “oh yes, that works because it’s the following/previous week that I am travelling to visit my family/on holiday/other appointments”.....setting the thought in their minds that I am not always just “around”

Similarly when someone started asking me to drive round and let their dogs out at 12 for lunchtime, I was resentful. (I knew it was the first of a regular future ongoing request). I said “ok, but the earliest I can get there after I have been to XXXX is 3 p.m.” it’s not what they actually wanted of me, but I offered what I could as a compromise.

Your suggestion of popping round on the weekend or to cover just some of the time is good....you are offering what suits you and your schedule.

She sound like my bloody annoying cousin. I've said no time and time again to dog sitting but she keeps asking.
I'm doing it for a week cause I'm a flipping numpty who couldn't come up with an excuse quick enough and felt sorry for her as she's skint.
I'm resenting it already!

We need to learn to tell them to fork off! I'll let you know when I have learnt.
What is it with people who assume we are always available and wanting to look after their pets?

In your position I'd be fuming though and would definitely say no (probably)

That's outrageous. You'd said no, you couldn't do it. So she messages & runs telling you to do it anyway. Half you repeated can't and won't. She's CF to do this.

I'm a cat lover (I have 4), her cat won't go hungry .. cat'll pop to neighbouring house (you know as-the-cat -stalks that's 50 houses in either direction) for food & find some water to drink.

*Glad (not 'half')

Whereismumhiding2 unfortunately cat wont be able to be a cat burglar, it’s a house cat and shut in the house with no way to get out.

Some might call this an over-reaction, but I'd be tempted to call the RSPCA or Cats Protection League or similar. What if the "arrangements" she's made for the other days are the same as the ones she's made with you - i.e. sprung on unsuspecting, unavailable people? The poor cat could starve. She's not fit to own pets.

Well she has now seen my message.

What a cf!! Has she replied?

Well that’s the end of a friendship. Long horrid message back.
It’s all my fault that I am now spoiling her holiday and making the cat go hungry by not , despite the pain I am in , going and feeding the cat.
Lots of guilt and manipulation.
I have replied. Comments here including the many earlier ones have been useful and helped me to see things as they are. I pointed out the long days I have; that nothing was agreed originally and that She was minimising the dental stuff today. I am sure I will get another message back but not sure I am even going to reply this time.

She sounds horrid, but there is not a chance that I could sleep in my bed, knowing that her cat was shut in the house and hungry. No matter how I felt about her and the situation. I'd feed the cat this time but leave it at that. She's not the sort of friend I'd want.