How can I convince my mum to seek help for depression

[causeimunderyourspell]

I posted a while back about my mum. I received some really helpful advice and the resounding response was to go NC. At the time, I was angry and hurt, and I agreed. At that moment, I could only see the worst in her.

I tried, and succeeded for 2 weeks. I have spoken to her today. Reason being, she has always and always will be suffering from depression. I know deep down that it's not her fault and she's not well. Her thinking is not rational and as much as she has hurt/annoyed me in the past, I just can't put her in a little box in the back of my head and pretend that everything is her fault and that she's a horrible person. She's not. She's done and said horrible things but she's not bad inside.

So, the issue I have - she feels MH issues are stigmatised and that everyone will judge her or think she is crazy if she asks the dr for medication. She thinks that antiDs are masking and don't fix the 'problem'. How can I get her to see that it's an illness like any other that you would take medication for. And that it's ok to be on antiDs for the rest of your life. She deserves to not have constant disordered thoughts, bouts of rage, lack of motivation, OCD and occasions of agoraphobia. I don't believe she has ever experienced genuine contented happiness. Even when she's is 'happy' she's never really, iyswim?

She will never 'fix' this problem. It's how she is wired from a childhood of abuse and neglect and that will never change. She'll never 'get better' but she will never seek therapy as she is a very private person. Medication is the only way forward for her I believe.

Aibu in even trying to push this? If you think not, please can you pretend you are talking to my mum - what would you say to her?

Well, I am not sure. I basically just wanted to push this up so it gets a better answer.
My husband has mental health stuff, he has got ptsd and he is on medication and doing therapy. I think he has the same fear of people thinking that he is crazy and I tell him he is not but that this is like a battle wound. He sometimes does not believe me and then I tell him again... well to be honest I think some of the things he does are untypical for ptsd, more like OCD and might be inborn and he thinks the same... but I am not sure... but I do think that maybe it is not good for him to discuss this. So I tell him over and over that he has been wounded and this is a psychological wound and like any other wound it can heal. Sometimes a wound does not fully heal, but it can always become better and you can learn to live with it and cope with it better... and people who think bad about another person because they have been psychologically wounded they are scum beyond my contempt.

Maybe you could tell her that this is like a wound from a difficult childhood in her case and nothing to be ashamed of.
She wouldn‘t be ashamed if you broke your leg, would she? Tell her it is no different. Tell her people who think I’ll of the wounded are scum.

Well she doesn't really have to tell anyone apart from the doctor and the chemist, does she?

It is very hard for a depressive to reach the point of seeking help actually, because their negative thinking will make everything seem impossible.

@ConfusedWife1234 sorry to hear about your husband, sounds very difficult for you both 

@Coyoacan it's true, she thinks nothing will help her, and if it does, it will only be w temporary fix. I'm just trying so desperately hard to tell her that if she has to be on medication the rest of her life, so be it! It's really not the end of the world.

Tell her, that there are other people who have been there and it has helped them... maybe you could go to a depression board and ask for life stories of people who where helped by therapy/medication and then print it out and show it to her.

I think Confused has it right - most MH issues cannot be 'solved', it's more a case of learning how to cope with them. The problem is if your DM won't try and access the help that is available then I'm not sure there is anything you can do. I was in a relationship with someone for 5 years: he had MH issues and I tried to help him repeatedly. It got to the stage where I was actually diagnosed with depression as his attitude towards life in general, and me in particular, was so skewed and mean spirited. I stayed with him for so long as I would convince myself that something could be done - he wasn't really awful, it was something he couldn't control … but once it started affecting me to the extent it did, I had to decide whether to continue trying to help and have it rejected/thrown in my face, or walk away. I walked. Your situation is the old 'you can lead a horse to water ...' saying: you can be there, advise, cajole, encourage, but if your DM is refusing to help herself then you must decide whether you can go on like this for the rest of your relationship. There comes a point where you need to put yourself first.

Sounds like you were willing to go noncontact so can you say that you cannot have contact unless she seeks help. Tell her you love her and want to have a relationship with her but can't unless she gets help.
My dh has bipolar. He fought long and hard not to take meds. He worked in the medical field so very familiar with meds but couldn't accept taking them.
It got to the stage where l said its meds or l'm gone. I will support you but you must commit to taking them. He did and now he is doing well and we can all live together in harmony.

I find it odd that she hasn't even seen a doctor or tried ADs, while you are insisting that she needs to take them for life.

I think she did not say she needed to take them for life but she said that EVEN IF she needed to take them for life it would be okay.