Mobile phone use during sleepovers/playdates

[CookieDoughKid]

I'd be interested to hear people's views on this. For the record, I am pro devices, internet and apps that generate a lot of fun and good use. I work in the software industry, have done for last 20 years for some of the most technology advanced companies ever to have been created.

My daughter is 10 and so is her friend.
DD invited her friend from 2 doors down for a sleepover.
I said yes fine.
Friend brought an iphone.
I said no phones, we will keep downstairs with me.
I have a no mobile and laptop rule for my dcs in the evenings, they are all younger than 10 and do not yet own their mobile phone.
Friend immediately said she's bored and going home. I said we have a dedicated playroom (we do) with many many toys, musical instruments, arts, crafts, games, puzzles you name it - we have it.
I explained to her mum on the phone why she is going home because of the no phone rule especially because I feel my dd easily becomes addicted to it and I wanted this to be a proper playdate. I also said her daughter is welcome ANY time.
Mum asked to speak to her daughter.
Her daughter said to her mum (I heard her on the phone) that my dd plays with her dad's phone at night.
Her mum responded along the lines of 'double standards' - I heard her!
Her daughter blatantly lied.
Her daughter said there was nothing she wanted to play with other than her phone so she went home.
I didn't respond to that. Her daughter hung up and left.
Now my dd is filling the playroom floor with an elaborate domino and marble game and I wished her friend had stayed for that.

I'm exasperated by the fact that some kids these days cannot play on their own, or worse with friends without a mobile phone in their hand and especially on a playdate. No imagination whatsoever for creative play. Yet their homes are filled with more toys than we ever dreamed of when I was at DD's age, and the £££ spent on her toys alone woth more than the holidays my family ever had when I child. I live on a pretty middle class street, I'd imagine her home is like mine filled with too many 'things'.

If you were me, would you have let the girls keep the phone? Was I being too draconion? I'd be interested in your views.

There is a TED talk that explains the evidence currently being analysed of the the current generation and the impact of devices. The instantaneous response of smart devices increases an effect in the brain akin to taking class A drugs. Young people inability to form lasting friendships, and inability to complete simple things like reading books now.. as they prefer to seek out instantenous reactions....

For me, I think I would have let her keep it if she and your daughter were playing on it and I was close enough to keep an eye on what was going on. Or if she merely had it with her but wasn't being distracted by it.

If she was sitting using it, whilst ignoring your daughter, I would have removed it and I would definitely have removed it at bedtime, or if they went up to her room earlier as we have a no tech in bedrooms rule here.

Smart phones can be fantastic tools if used correctly, but they're so easy to misuse, too. I'm a secondary school guidance teacher and have dealt with issues involving smart phones that would make your skin crawl so maybe I'm a bit more cautious than most, but I think you did the right thing. If she'd rather go home than spend the evening without her iPhone then that's her decision.