To avoid playdates

[Happyshinypeople]

Need help as struggling a bit. DC1 behaviour can be very challenging. Playdates seem to overwhelm him and result in him behaving pretty badly, being very disobedient, uncooperative, shouting, hitting (me rather than other child), not sharing well etc. If a plate of biscuits is put out he'll just try and grab all of them.
Obviously I try my best to deal with all this at the time but I am very anxious and it is killing my self esteem.

Despite this there seems to be constant pressure to have playdates from people. Do I just make up excuses each time? Some mums from nursery have suggested playdates and I've ended up not replying which is rude but I just can't face it.

So fed up of having 'the naughty kid' even though other people's kids are not perfect either. So sick of people's comments "X is a bit wild isn't he" I'm doing my best and doing parenting courses etc. I just need a break. Aibu to avoid playdates?

I think play dates are best organised as outings, for the reasons you’ve given. I used to find them stressful when my eldest was a toddler / preschooler.
So, in the park is a really good place to meet up.

You absolutely can avoid them if you want. Or maybe you could suggest meeting at a park/softplay which is more open and diffuses the toy/biscuit sharing. There's no shame in being honest and saying your DS struggled with playdates either. But again, refuse away if it's of no benefit to you or your son.

I sympathise - my son wasn’t naughty so much as unengaged and it made it really hard.

I was honest. ‘I’d love to, but LittleMerry finds play dates really tough - he just can’t focus long enough - how about we go to the park after school instead?’

People were always very nice.

Do you tell him about the playdates beforehand? My friend's DC used to get a bit over excited about it all before he/they even got there and he could be a bit silly as a result. I think sometimes children build it all up into a Big Thing in their head and then just can't cope with all the excitement etc.

She found the best way to deal with it was to not mention anything about it until they were literally walking in the door of the other child's house or venue. Then she would just very off handedly or calmly say something like "oh look, (other child's name) is here. Let's have a bit of a play with him shall we?" This tactic seemed to work as her DC was noticeably calmer most of the time after this. If he did start to play up, she cut the gathering short and took her DC home.

Good luck!

How old is he? YANBU. Not a big fan of playdates. We sometimes do outings and often head to the swings after school as a gang, but "official" playdates are not my bag.

On the plus side, you and he are still being invited, so your friends are not leaving you out because of your perception of this behaviour. Agree though to meet as and when it works for you though.

I remember hating them in the early days when dc were 4/5. They got better around 7/8 and onwards from that they made their own arrangements.