To think I'm no longer of use to my friend?

[lizzie44xxox]

We were very close for over 10 years.
Talked daily and then she met this guy and 5 weeks later she was pregnant.
That was 5 years ago.
Now I hardly see her,she only has me left as a friend.
She never meets up with me for more than 30 minutes once every few months as her boyfriend misses her.
We never go for meals /cinema etc or nothing anymore.
He has totally isolated her but she's not bothered.
Haven't heard from her in two weeks ..just seen on Facebook she's in Cyprus.
Years ago she would have told me about her holiday and how excited she was etc.
She's planning on having another baby with him..so more control he will have over her.
She couldn't give a damn about me anymore ..
The day she met him she was all for him.
I know I shouldn't care but I just feel used and thrown to one side like our friendship meant nothing...

Maybe it's because he's abusive (not necessarily physical) and she just finds it easier to go along with his wishes.

It might not be that she doesn't want to know you, it might be because he gives her more hassle than it's worth seeing you.

I speak from experience and what really helped me out the other side is knowing that my friends were always there for me whether I saw them loads or not

Why do you think he is controlling her? Perhaps she is happy as she is? I must admit that Iost most of my friends when I met my partner - not because I was being controlled, just because I was happy with him and didn't feel the need to meet up with or talk to my friends as much as I did previously.

It's not your fault or anything you have done but I think you need to move on from this and find new friends.

I just think it's quite ridiculous to ditch your friends because you have found a man.

Is there a possibility that he’s abusive and has isolated her from her friends for that reason?
I don’t know that you can know for sure that she’s not bothered; only seeing you for 30 minutes because he misses her is a massive red flag. I’d hang on as her friend otherwise she’ll have no one to turn to if/when she does want to get out

HillaryBliss out of curiosity didn't you feel guilty about dropping your friends for your partner though? (or maybe they weren't good friends in the first place?)

I do now to be honest but at the time I was in love and not thinking straight

And I didn't exactly 'ditch' them, more just let the friendships slide - didn't contact them as much, didn't go out when they invited me etc.

How do you know she isn't bothered?

It is ridiculous to ditch your friends when you find a man. I find it quite sad that people do it. It has never occurred to me to spend less time with my friends purely because I now have a partner... it says a lot about any woman who is prepared to do that.

It's just how things go, people grow apart because of different circumstances. Don't read too much into it, she's still your friend and no doubt considers you to be hers. Some friends only meet up every couple of years!

Why do some women do this !!? She will be quick to return to your friendship acting like she had never let it slide if they split up I bet!

I don't think you are genuinely concerned for her welfare otherwise the tone of your post would be more "I am worried about my friends controlling partner" rather than "I feel like my friend has used me because we don't hang out anymore"

I see my friends heaps less since getting married, quite frankly I would rather spend my free time with my husband than my friends- that's my choice.

Does she appear unhappy to you?

Shouldn't you make time for your friends as well as your husband ?
Friends and husbands fill different aspects of your life.
What would you do if your husband upped and left you? After you decided to ditch your mates as you didn't need them anymore ?
Would you expect to click your fingers and they be around you?

Too many women make a man the centre of their lives and when the relationship or marriage ends...their a total mess incapable of functioning.

It's very unwise and somewhat immature.

My husband is my best friend, he works 6 days a week and a lot of evenings so our time together is precious. I have 3 true friends and we see each other every few months. I'm not so high maintenance that I need to speak to/see my friends every week.

I'm more focused on investing time in my marriage than worrying about what will happen when it all falls apart to be honest.

She never meets up with me for more than 30 minutes once every few months as her boyfriend misses her.

This is a BIG red flag

I think its a leap to accuse her dp of being abusive or controlling just because she doesn't want to spend time with you anymore.

The truth is alot of women drop their friends when they get into serious relationship. Its happened to me with my best friend. We saw each other everyday for 10 yrs, couldn't have been closer. As soon as she got a serious bf i was dropped. Dont get me wrong i was fully prepared to step back. Im not stupid, I know couples need their time together. But i did think i would still see her at least once a week. Maybe afew texts during the week. But no. I didn't see or hear from her at all for the 2 years they were together. It hurt as i realised she didn't value our friendship as much as i did and our friendship never recovered.

I think you need to accept that your friend is happy to spend all her time with her dp and isn't interested in continuing your friendship anymore.