AIBU to keep calling police on neighbours?

[Teadazed]

Domestic violence next door for the last 6 years (since we moved in), every time I can hear that it's escalating I either call the police or go shout at them or both. The aggressor might be classed as a vulnerable adult due to alcohol-related MH issues, adult safeguarding couldn't do much in the past though.

Aggressor was a right coward when I went round and confronted him, calling hitting and verbally abusing his partner "a heated argument". Police arrived shortly after and stayed for a bit so hopefully that'll put him off for a while.

Is there anything else I could do? DH and I are moving away soon and I doubt anyone else will keep reporting it which is filling me with dread and misplaced responsibility. Selfishly: Plus a shedload of cortisol and not feeling comfortable at home as this brings up dodgy memories. More selfishly: If anyone wants to buy our house when this is happening daily (is either worse or just more audible in the summer).

Not to drip feed: they're both men which has made getting support a little weird. Listening service lady asked if that's why I had a problem. o.O

It sounds like you've done all that you can. I'm not sure what other services could help if the victim is unwilling to get away or press charges. I'm just assuming they don't press charges because the abuser isn't in jail and still living with them.

Sounds really sad. Unfortunately I think the police have no powers if either of the partners are unwilling to admit to anything nor to press charges, when they are in their own home. ['happy' to be proved wrong though]. Being in a homosexual partnership should have no bearing at all on what help they are entitled to.

It sounds like you have done everything you can. Good luck in your new home x

I do think that being in a homosexual rship makes getting help a bit harder. Broken Rainbow, the only charity dedicated to tackling DV in LGBT relationships folded last year, but besides that there is an attitude problem. I'm quite ashamed to say that when my male friend disclosed to me some of the violent behaviour of his male partner, I didn't immediately respond in the way I would have done to a female friend who'd told me the same thing (I did rectify this initial response but it's a failure I feel horrible about).

There are plenty of people who are willing to just believe that men are more physically aggressive together, or are less vulnerable to assault by virtue of their masculinity. There are clear 'rules' of conduct in het relationships, and when they are breached people notice them. It's easy for people to assume that just because other things are different in LGBT relationships, these basic rules of conduct might be too. Again, in terms of services, many refuges are women-only, and many schemes are geared towards female victims. Very necessary but also failing others who need it.

All this is I guess to say that you shouldn't assume anybody else is helping, and you are doing a good thing in reporting. I wish I knew what else to suggest. As others have said, if neither partner wishes to press charges or acknowledge a crime, there's little the police can do. If the vulnerable guy has any kind of support from community mental health services that might be something to follow up, but it would be hard and also probably unethical to find that info out yourself.

I don’t think YABU but maybe a bit U to think a few visits from the police will stop DV? I hope you can sell ok, and well done for standing up to him OP. What a snivelling little prick (although I do think the alcoholism complicates it a bit- makes it less likely to stop though really)