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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Husband and night out?

10 replies

Onemumslife · 31/07/2018 21:45

Ok I am totally prepared to be told IABU!

Bit of background:
We are both around 30, married for nearly 7 years, I'm pregnant (just over half way if it matters), no-one has ever cheated and I have no reason to think otherwise!

So a few days ago I had a dream (which is where this all comes from I think), in the dream I found out he had cheated on me (I think this came from reading a thread on here about affairs in the workplace before I went to sleep), it was a very real dream and I was upset all day about it, even though I know its not true, I have spoken to my husband about it.

Now because of this and I'm assuming because I'm pregnant, I am having anxiety about him going on a planned night out in a few weeks. Its for a friends stag do and although he's been on loads before he's always been upfront and said if he thought they end up in a strip club, they never have before but he said he thought there was a good chance they would this time.

He's being honest, and said he wouldn't be paying for a dance or anything but WIBU if I asked him not to go to the strip club and just go back to the hotel? I really do trust him but my dream is making me feel crazy!

Should I just put up with my anxiety or should I ask him not to go to the club, if they even end up at one?

OP posts:

BlueTears · 31/07/2018 21:49

If you would have otherwise have been ok with him going then I would push the dream aside.
I used to have night terrors so I know how real they can feel but they aren't.

I wouldn't agree with DH going to a strip club but I think they are vile.

This is absolutely up to how you and DH feel about it.

helpbeforeimelt · 31/07/2018 21:50

Hi op.
As you say he's never given you any reason to doubt him. Your anxiety hormones and worry for what's going to be the biggest change in your life is probably causing the anxiety not your dh night out.

It's a difficult one because he's with a group of mates. If it was my dh I would be glad he's being honest about the possibility of what could crop up.
It's def not my dh thing and he would have no qualms saying he wouldn't be going along to that part but I know not all men are like that.

Sunrise888 · 31/07/2018 21:55

I think it's fine to ask your DH. I wouldn't have thought it was an unreasonable request, but even if it was, you are pregnant so you are allowed to be a little bit unreasonable and your DH should indulge you a bit. 😉

Oldaintallthat · 31/07/2018 21:55

Every reply you get to this will be subjective, but you know your dh. Its down to your gut feeling.

Lollypop701 · 31/07/2018 21:57

If you wouldn’t have been bothered pre pregnancy you already know yabu... it’s absolutely fine to feel stressy but I would tell him to go and have a laugh with his mates...they will take the piss if he doesn’t and he’ll end up stood at bar chatting shit with the other guys who have been dragged along so all will be fine!

muddlingalong42 · 31/07/2018 22:00

I had loads of dreams like this when pregnant!! I agree with the poster above, if it wouldn’t have bothered you before then try not to let it bother you.

IceCreamFace · 31/07/2018 22:03

I agree with PP. If you were OK with it before I'd try and get your anxiety under control and send him out to have a good night with his friends.

Original poster

Onemumslife · 31/07/2018 22:06

Thank you all!

I think I just needed to hear (read) that its normal to feel like this and that it is just me.

I'll probably worry the whole night but I know he'd never do anything to hurt me.

Thanks again!

OP posts:

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 31/07/2018 22:07

If your husband was the kind to cheat he would go regardless of you telling him not to. Doesn’t sound like you really distrust him so let him go and try and rationalise your dream was just that.

CaledonianQueen · 31/07/2018 22:47

I think it’s pretty normal to not want your dh to go to a strip club, even more so when your body is growing and changing and you are struggling with identifying with your new body as being attractive.

Talk to your husband, he might decide that he doesn’t want to go to a strip club anyway. Tell him that you feel insecure, I remember feeling similar when pregnant and telling my dh and was shocked as he said that he had never found me sexier or more beautiful. I think he had been taking classes on the right thing to tell your pregnant wife but he genuinely seemed to mean it and it made me feel so much better (at the time)

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