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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aggressive boy at holiday club

17 replies

Catbell82 · 31/07/2018 21:26

My DS goes to the same holiday club as a boy he used to go to nursery with. They are both 7 now. They have both been going to this club since they started primary school. At first I was pleased about this but recently this other boy seems to be getting quite aggressive. During the last school holiday he got my DS in a headlock & was hitting him on the head. Last week he pushed DS in the face. Yesterday I arrived to pick DS up to find this boy and another kicking footballs at DS whilst he was sat on the floor which resulted in DS crying. Today DS told me that another boy had knocked some cards out of this boy's hands and this boy wrestled the other one to the floor, got on top of him and started hitting him in the face. There have also been a few other instances of not very nice comments made to DS.
Would I be out of line to ask the manager of the club what they are doing about this boy's behaviour? Or am I overreacting??

OP posts:

OddBoots · 31/07/2018 21:29

You can absolutely speak to the club but I'd keep the focus on your son and asking them to keep him safe from verbal and physical attacks. Doing so would not be overreacting in the least, he deserves to be safe.

IceCreamFace · 31/07/2018 21:31

YANBU, this boy clearly needs more supervision, it's totally to acceptable that other children are being assaulted by him.

heavandhell · 31/07/2018 21:32

I would be taking my son out of that holiday club and look for alternative childcare. Poor kid bet he gets so upset and worried about going now.

Strawberrymelon · 31/07/2018 21:42

If those things happened to my ds at a holiday club I would remove him from the club.

Popfan · 31/07/2018 22:21

Where are all the staff for these incidents to be allowed to go on? Yes, they aren't going to see everything but I'd have thought 2 boys kicking footballs at another boy would have been pretty noticeable!

Original poster

Catbell82 · 31/07/2018 22:32

Yes that's what I thought. When I arrived the man in charge was talking to another Mum. He only got involved when DS started crying. I get the impression that he addresses a problem once it has resulted in someone being hurt or upset rather than trying to prevent it going that far in the first place. The thing is for the most part DS really likes going there and has friends there so I'm reluctant to remove him but maybe that would be for the best.

OP posts:

Popfan · 31/07/2018 22:36

I'd have a talk with the manager first and let him know you are seriously unimpressed. Hopefully things would improve. As you said your son really likes it I'd give them a chance.

user1457017537 · 31/07/2018 22:39

I was horrified once to be told by a childcare professional that you don’t stop this sort of behaviour because someone is always top dog and it sorts itself out! Wtf

AjasLipstick · 31/07/2018 22:41

These things are OFSTED checked aren't they? I'd bloody report them for negligence.

Devilishpyjamas · 31/07/2018 22:43

What’s the staff ratio? It all sounds a bit feral.

Dontfuckingsaycheese · 31/07/2018 22:47

Do male caregivers have more tolerance of so-called "boys will be boys" type behaviour than female caregivers?

LockedOutOfMN · 31/07/2018 23:02

Speak to the manager and explain that he and the other staff need to take care to ensure your son's safety while he is in their care.

Original poster

Catbell82 · 31/07/2018 23:11

They have 3 groups of activities: football, multi sports and arts/crafts. There is one adult in charge of each group which can have up to 30 children but I think there is usually less. I thought it sounded quite low but i guess no different to the staff ratio in a classroom

OP posts:

Original poster

Catbell82 · 31/07/2018 23:14

Dontfuckingsaycheese

I think that is definitely the case here. My DS teacher last year was male but he would never have allowed behaviour like this. I think the man at the club puts most of it down to 'boys being boisterous'

OP posts:

Tanith · 31/07/2018 23:16

Go to the manager.

I did this once when DD was upset at her holiday club and I was so impressed: she knew exactly the incident I was talking about, had already dealt with it and had procedures in place to prevent it happening again. The boys concerned were on a final warning as a result.

I sent DD back and she had a really good time and the manager was there at the end of the day to check she was happy.

Give them a chance to sort it out first.

donquixotedelamancha · 01/08/2018 01:34

Do male caregivers have more tolerance of so-called "boys will be boys" type behaviour than female caregivers?

No. It's a dickhead issue, not a dick having issue.

MrsTerryPratchett · 01/08/2018 01:46

I've found the male caregivers to be a bit less forceful dealing with it. Not because they didn't care, but because the female staff seemed to be more assertive.

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