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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Tax return surprise

19 replies

mumonhols · 31/07/2018 20:40

I pay all of the bills in our house, the rent and for the shopping, kids clothes etc. My partner doesn't give me any regular money so I can't rely on anything coming at a particular time from him. He is self employed so argues that he can't guarantee that he can provide at any particular time/ day. I work part time and earn £12000. Last year it averaged out that he gave me £230 a month, which covers very little. He has just given me his tax return details for last year so I can give it to Tax Credits and he made over £21000 profit in his business last year. I feel as if he is totally taking the piss out of me. He is a great dad but this lack of respect and selfishness has led me to think I can't have a relationship with him any more. Please help!

OP posts:

Babyroobs · 31/07/2018 20:43

Are the kids his?

Hideandgo · 31/07/2018 20:44

Tell him exactly that. That u are disgusted to see how much profit he had last year and his lack of respect and selfishness is making you think you can’t continue the relationship. Then don’t say anything but look him right in the eye.

He should be ashamed of himself.

Babyroobs · 31/07/2018 20:45

And are you sure you're entitled to any tax credits on an income of 32k ? I guess if you have 3 kids or childcare costs maybe. Even if his income is irregular he could contribute lumps sums when things are good. Insist on a joint account.

NC4Now · 31/07/2018 20:49

I don’t think you’ll get any tax credits for this year, and without wanting to frighten you, you may have been overpaid if there is a big difference from what was estimated.
Did he expect this or has he had a bumper year?
It seems unfair if you are scrabbling down the sofa for loose change and he’s got loads in the bank.

Seniorschoolmum · 31/07/2018 20:52

Is he going to invest the profit in new kit to allow him to make more money, or to employ someone?
Or has he paid the money to himself?

I’d work out the difference in contribution and present him with the bill. Ask him why he thinks it’s ok to con you out of the money.

Or you could just leave the fridge empty.

Original poster

mumonhols · 31/07/2018 20:56

Yep

OP posts:

Original poster

mumonhols · 31/07/2018 21:01

Profit previous years has been 8/9 k so massive difference. I don't know if he did expect as he plays his cards extremely close to his chest and gets very tetchy when I ask questions.

I'm not sure that we will get anything from tax credits this time but they have been the only way that I have managed to make ends meet.
And yes, they are both his kids.

OP posts:

InfiniteCurve · 31/07/2018 21:03

When I was self employed and didn't know from month to month how much I'd actually make it all went into our joint account and we planned over the year which mostly was more predictable.And if I'd earned more we would have put it into our joint savings against a future dip in income.
That was why I was working,after all.
Why does your DP think he is working if not to pay bills and provide for the kids? Assuming he is their Dad of course.

FrogFairy · 31/07/2018 21:19

So, having contributed less than £3k to the family, what has happened to the rest of the money?

outofmydepth45 · 31/07/2018 21:26

Where is the 21k ?

DesignStatement · 31/07/2018 21:31

You know the answer to your own question. He is basically living free and expecting you to support him and your kids.
Get a budget worked out and backdate his shortfall.

BMW6 · 31/07/2018 21:34

Cocklodger alert

Troels · 31/07/2018 21:38

He's not a great Dad he doesn't support his own kids financially, he's a cocklodger.

SlipperyLizard · 31/07/2018 21:42

He’s not a great dad if he’s not putting into the family pot.

DH is self employed, which does mean his income fluctuates. But it all gets paid into our bank account along with my salary so we share everything.

GabriellaMontez · 31/07/2018 21:45

No he's a shit dad and a shit partner.

SavoyCabbage · 31/07/2018 21:51

How is he a good dad?

helpbeforeimelt · 31/07/2018 21:54

What a wanker op. I'd be going bloody nuts and telling him he needs to deposit half of the last years worth of bills into your account pronto or he can find somewhere else to live for free and you will claim child support seeing as you now have his year end figures.

I seriously don't get it with these friggin people that think they can live on someone else and have no pride In supporting themselves and their own responsibilities

Twillow · 31/07/2018 21:57

This is not really a marriage, to my eyes. Separate accounts - by all means. Equal contributions according to earning power, and excess in savings (separately is fine, but for contributing towards family needs).
One of you should be paying the bills, and the other the rent in my eyes. Kids clothes and food are joint expenses. If he earns more, it would be reasonable to expect that he contributes more towards the running of the home - or at very least does big chunk things like cars/holidays.

AllTheNameChanges · 31/07/2018 22:18

Do you live together? I assume so if his income is being declared. He is absolutely taking the piss. If they are his kids and you live together you should be paying bills proportionate to income if you keep separate accounts. If he earned 21k last year and you 12k then you could have a huge overpayment of tax credits to pay back. He should also have been paying for 2 thirds of the bills. Where has all this money gone?

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