To go no contact with my mum

[Bingbangboo1]

Im 23, i moved out of my mums when i was 11 due to her always being in the pub and never home with me, always drunk. Moved in with my uncle, studied well, graduated etc, no thanks to her. I seen her mostly every weekend when i was in high school, then it dropped when i went to college to once a month maybe, then even less at uni. She didnt support me at all, had hand me downs etc, she gave me 100 quid for uni and some bedding. Even though she got 15k inheritance from her dad.
Both my other sisters are no contact, as she just doesnt bother with them, I call her every day to see if shes ok, take her to appointment shopping whatever she asks.
I have a DD, her grandaughter 14 months, and id take DD round when she was smaller probably once a week, and she'd just sit at her computer on Facebook.
Lost my car now and have moved closer to her, one bus journey away, she came to my house when DH picked her up a month after we moved in and thats it, I have stopped asking her if she would like us to come see her, she hasnt once said shell come see us, shes not bought anything for DD, even when she was new born- shes not strapped for cash, her and her partner live in mortgage free, no big bills or anything, shes just always in the pub/bookies
Well she told me to order DD some clothes from my next account for her birthday 2 months ago, i did- £30 worth. She still hasn't paid for them, and keeps fobbing it off such as "forgot to pay the council tax"
This has got long hasnt it

So Aibu to just not call/msg her and let her get on with her life as she clearly doesnt give a eff about me or DD in that case

That was long, sorry but please read

That's sad OP. It's obvious she's a narcissist and I think you aren't losing anything at all by going NC. She's not going to change, she's uninterested & adds nothing to your life . Mine was same only more manipulative. I honestly don't regret going NC. It's sheer relief tbh, to not have the constant put downs & hysteria/ pure venom I got when I stood up to her re a total lack of any maternal feeling & her open contempt. Put yourself and your daughter first. You won't regret it.

She was abused by my dad, but she took me away from him when i was 9, and he is dead now. I always thought i owed her something but im realizing his actions were his, i didn't make her stay and be abused, as she so often tells me she stayed with him for me. Shes the only 'family' i have and i thought seeing as though she made such a mess at being a parent, she'd make up for it by being a grandparent. Guess not

YANBU. She sounds awful and your sisters have the right idea. I have an aunt I plan on going NC with when my grandmother passes. Anyway, I'm sorry you have such a useless mother. Good luck, OP. X

Im the youngest and she poisoned me against my middle sister, so i didn't speak to her till now, and it is still a relationship that needs work on.
Argh

She cannot blame you for staying with your abusive father. She should have left him a lot sooner to save herself and you, although I know many abused people find it very difficult to leave their abusive partners.

Perhaps you can work on re-building a relationship with your sisters, instead of time with your mum, when she clearly doesn't give a stuff. You could salvage some form of family relationship there,

I really do love her, amd appreciate she went through whatever because of my dad, but i was there too, i was abused too. I would never leave my daughter to move out aged 11. I said i was moving out when she came home with a man and he was touching her breasts on the sofa clothes on but not something i needed to see, so i went the day after saying i was never coming back.. then she moved out of our 2 bedroom house into her very new partners 1 bed, so when i said i was coming home, she said there was a sofa i could sleep on.
It breaks me to think she won't even bother to contact me, i hate making her upset, i feel indebted to her forsome reason

Haven't tried to contact her since & she hasnt bothered either