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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Do I send a wedding card to my ex's sister?

9 replies

Jellyoctopus · 31/07/2018 15:57

Not really an AIBU question but was unsure where else to put it.

Should I send my ex’s sister and her fiancé a wedding card? We have been broken up 3 months after a 3 year relationship and obviously before all of this happened, I was due to go to the wedding. I can’t say I was “friends” with the couple but I always enjoyed chatting to them at family get togethers etc and we always got on well. When things ended with us, I never got to say bye to them and on the day we broke up, my ex’s brother got engaged also.

Anyway, the wedding is soon and while my ex and I aren’t really in touch any more, we ended on okay terms and I am fond of his parents also and know that they are of me, so I would like to remain friendly (without actually being in their lives). His mom has reached out to me on several occasions to find out how I am and extend offers for coffee but my ex wasn’t fond of the idea.

Anyway, I suppose I am just looking for your opinions – do I send a card? I don’t have his sister’s new address so it would have to be sent to his parents’ house. If I do send a wedding card, should I also then send an engagement card for his brother as I never got to congratulate him either? While they were never in touch after the breakup (I wasn’t in touch with them either), they both still like my Facebook posts and are genuinely nice people so there is absolutely no animosity or anything there either.

I’m not going to run the risk of bumping into any of them as after the breakup I moved from London to Wales, but as I said – I just think it’s nice to be nice and I don’t even know if they’d expect a card from me but part of me thinks his mom especially would be disappointed if one didn’t show up from me (she doesn’t know I’ve put off meeting her because my ex was funny about it – I have always just come up with another excuse as it’s not really my place to put him in that position).

OP posts:
Shortstuff08 · 31/07/2018 16:00

Unless you were close to the sister, I wouldn't do.

MsVestibule · 31/07/2018 16:01

I don't see a problem with this at all. If you parted on reasonable terms and your ex won't feel that you're just doing this to keep some tenuous link with him, why wouldn't you?

trappedinsuburbia · 31/07/2018 16:02

I wouldn't bother unless you were friends independently of the relationship with your ex.

MsVestibule · 31/07/2018 16:02

Although if his brother got engaged 3 months ago, I think it might be a bit late to send a card to him.

MangoApplePear · 31/07/2018 16:03

I think it’s a nice gesture but they might read too much into it and speculate you want to get back with your ex. In spite of that, and on balance, a nice thing to do.

BlueTears · 31/07/2018 16:05

I would only do this if I had children with the ex then you can sign it from you and the children.

Randomuser789 · 31/07/2018 16:05

If you’re connected on Facebook I’d probably send a message on there rather than a card.

Pommes · 31/07/2018 16:08

I'd send the wedding card, but not the engagement one. The wedding was something you were invited to so it is almost a 'sorry I can't make it' gesture. And if they are still liking your social media posts then clearly they are retaining a link of sorts.

campion · 31/07/2018 16:16

Send the wedding card if you want to - it's a nice gesture and you're wishing them well.
You're allowed to contact who you want.

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