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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Fuming with DP

46 replies

Ohmydays18 · 31/07/2018 00:28

So DP has just called me a moody cunt because I was annoyed he wouldn't apologise properly after accidently hurting me. What's better is that I MADE home call me a moody cunt because I've been moody all day.

Well guess what sunshine? I've been moody because your father hasn't even bothered to send DD a birthday card, called or come to see it. Anything would of been nice. Have you asked him why? Nooo. Because the sun shines out of daddy's arse!

You won't confront your father even though you're 'fuming' with him but it's okay to call your fiancee a moody cunt because your hurt her?!?

Surely IANBU?

OP posts:

Original poster

Ohmydays18 · 31/07/2018 08:18

I will not accept that from anyone least of all someone, the main someone, who is supposed to love and respect me

Thanks you, my point exactly. Like I've already said, I haven't been moody towards DP at all. I've been stressed and at one point I even said 'please don't think I'm ranting at you or cross with you'. DP knows full well I don't blame him for the stress.

FIL 100% knows it's been DD's birthday. He just hasn't bothered to ask how she is, come visit or send a card.

OP posts:

ShatnersWig · 31/07/2018 08:25

Thing is, OP, you may not be moody TO or AT someone, but if you are moody generally it automatically creates an atmosphere whether you want it to or not and the person you live with bears the brunt of it. Doesn't matter what you say to him, because your actions will just be one of being moody, sulky and a pain in the arse to be around. You are, even if indirectly, being moody AROUND your DH because of FIL. Your DH is not your FIL's keeper. And it's a really immature way to behave over something relatively minor.

adaline · 31/07/2018 08:30

But you were still in a bad mood and when someone's in a bad mood it does affect everyone else in the house. I know when someone's having a bad day because they're more irritable than normal, give shorter/one word answers and have less patience. And that's fine - everyone has bad days but when you're doing all of those things, don't argue that it doesn't affect other people because it most certainly does.

You're allowed to be pissed off at your FIL but don't take that out on your partner. Ring him yourself if it bothers you so much - it obviously doesn't bother your DP all that much or he'd have dealt with it himself.

notsohippychick · 31/07/2018 08:32

This is what you are fighting about???!!!! This??!!

Just get some perspective and pick your battles. Life is going to be pretty hard if you don’t.

Instead of sulking about the birthday card, talk to him about why you are feeling this way.

SilverHairedCat · 31/07/2018 08:39

I agree the OP was probably being moody, but that didn't excuse being called a cunt in a house where they clearly isn't language that they use regularly.

And I'm very saddened that people here are so inured to its use towards them that they aren't appalled by it.

ShatnersWig · 31/07/2018 08:39

Also wondering if his outburst is actually a build up. Because if you behave like this over something relatively minor, I can easily imagine you behaving like this over other silly little things. And I dread to imagine what you'd be like over major problems. Maybe you're actually moody an awful lot and your DP snapped as a result?

SilverHairedCat · 31/07/2018 08:40

FFS, I apologise for appalling typos this morning. Auto correct is getting the better of me today.

LuluJakey1 · 31/07/2018 08:41

Being moody and sulky is immature and pathetic. It creates an atmosphere and draws attention to you - presumably what you wanted so you could pick a row about it.
His behaviour is also immature and pathetic and actually very unpleasant- name-calling, not being botheted he had accidentally hurt you.
You sound like you need to take a look at how the relationship works - it isn't healthy.

Costacoffeeplease · 31/07/2018 08:45

Is this wedding yours? I’d reconsider if I were you, as it doesn’t sound as though you’re compatible at all

Clairetree1 · 31/07/2018 08:48

I've been moody because your father hasn't even bothered to send DD a birthday card, called or come to see it.

really??? so what?

It's a hugely shitty thing for a grandparent to not bother with their grandchild they claim to adore.

no it isn't, its nothing, maybe they don't care about birthdays.

This is exactly WHY I refuse to celebrate birthdays, this whole drama, fuss, emotional blackmail, trauma, upset, arguments, fall outs, quarrels, comparisons, demands, costs, etc etc etc

What a stupid thing to get into a bad mood about, to "fume" about, to demand that your OH "confronts" his father about

really, you would be better off just deleting birthdays from your family calendar if this is what they lead to, it is supposed to be just a little bit of fun, no obligations on anybody.

I have one relative who I indulge with a birthday card once a year, because she particularly loves them, and I am prepared to humour her little foible,,

but wholesale card sending is a completely stupid thing to do- the sheer cost and waste of money and resources for absolutely nothing.

many people, including me, object on moral grounds.

But you are "moody" because your FIL didn't send a card to your child?

Your FIL is morally in the right, and you are in the wrong, I hope you don't bring your child up to expect birthday cards, its a custom that can't fall into obsolescence fast enough, for the sake of the planet, and for the sake of the people who are slaves to this ridiculous demand in some family lives.

Littlechocola · 31/07/2018 08:48

Don’t blame the grandpa

SilverHairedCat · 31/07/2018 09:06

@Clairetree1 nonsense.

Singlenotsingle · 31/07/2018 09:10

Cards just aren't a major thing in most people's lives. The child won't have noticed, so why get indignant on her behalf when it's going to cause all these problems?

pictish · 31/07/2018 09:21

I was going to say something similar Single.

Some people (like me) don’t hold any stock by cards and couldn’t care less about giving or receiving them. Others think they’re life.

By my standards, being in a mood all day because grandpa failed to send a card is pretty silly.

pictish · 31/07/2018 09:22

“What a stupid thing to get into a bad mood about, to "fume" about, to demand that your OH "confronts" his father about”

I agree. Ffs pull yourself together.

MarthasGinYard · 31/07/2018 09:25

Yabu

Both of you
Grow up

slovenlys · 31/07/2018 09:30

Omg it was DD bday last week? And you're still moody about no card?
I'd be tempted to call you a stroppy word too tbh.

SilverHairedCat · 31/07/2018 09:30

(Grandfather)hasn't even bothered to send DD a birthday card, called or come to see(her). Not just a card then?

SilverHairedCat · 31/07/2018 09:35

Bold fail.

I think if OP had worded this differently from the off, she'd be getting very different responses:

"My DDs 2nd bday was last week. Her Grandfather knew when it was, but hadn't bothered to call, text or pop in. Not so much as a card, but he loves to pretend he's a doting GP.
DP and I are getting married soon. I'm a bit stressed planning the wedding and have my hands full with DD and everything. I'll admit I'm a bit disappointed that FIL didn't acknowledge DDs bday too.
Today, DP caught my mouth ulcer when he was playing and it really hurt and it upset me a bit.
He didn't believe he'd hurt me and stomped off, calling me a moody cunt when I asked for a proper apology, not a childish one.

I'm feeling like things are getting on top of me. AIBU?"

Somerford · 31/07/2018 10:00

You do sound moody, OP. And childish. I find that when people behave like that, I lose patience with it at a certain point. I don't tend to call them a cunt but I wouldn't placate someone who was sulking and stropping over something so minor either.

Singlenotsingle · 31/07/2018 12:37

Sorry to say, you sound a bit controlling as well, OP. If people don't do exactly as you want, you kick off and then sulk. What do you mean, a proper apology? Did you want a card?

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