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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

aibu to be nervous over this

7 replies

pinklemonade84 · 30/07/2018 23:16

I’ve been talked into finally letting mil and fil take dd away for the night in a couple of weeks to their caravan and the more I think about it, the more nervous I get.

dd is epileptic and although it is fairly well controlled with her medication, she does still have semi regular absences and will sometimes go blank and drop to the floor. We have no specific triggers for these, so we don’t know when they’re going to happen. Dd has had an mri scan and 2 eeg scans recently and they’ve all come back normal. She’s had genetic testing as I was the same as her but grew out of it, so we’re hopeful that she will do the same. She has also been referred to a neurologist, but we’re still waiting on that appointment coming through

We were at a family wedding a couple of months ago and in the evening we were sat in the room where the disco was. Dd has 3 absences in fairly quick succession and we took her out of the room because we thought it was the lights affecting her. As soon as we were out of that room dd was fine and back to her usual self. Though dh told me once we were away from his parents that he got the impression that his mum didn’t believe us when we said why we were leaving the room.

Mil likes to think that she knows best. She tells me off about the clothes that I buy for dd. The places that I take her (apparently I take her out to the park etc far too much). She likes to try and control things and will sulk like crazy if she doesn’t get her own way

As for fil he’s always got to be the centre of attention. Nobody is allowed to play with dd without him there trying to distract her attention and take over. I’ve actually stopped telling him when I’m taking dd somewhere with a journey longer than 30 minutes as he just stresses so much it’s ridiculous.

I want to make it clear though that this isn’t a normal pil bashing thread. They absolutely dote on dd and would do absolutely anything for her. And although it wasn’t a roaring success us living with them last year after we moved back from Wales, they have been very supportive. In particular over my panic attacks and anxiety and have been known to come straight across when dh has been at work and I was in a bad panic attack before I had my meds increased.

I guess, the best way to word it is that I’m scared about how they will react if she has an absence or one of these falling over seizures. I’m petrified that they will just try and brush it under the carpet and not really keep a close enough eye on that side of things. Other than that, she will have an amazing time and they will look after her so well. It’s just this thing about her epilepsy that I just can’t seem to shake

Dh is taking the day off work (he does late afternoon until almost midnight at work) so that if anything does happen then we can go straight up there. I just don’t know if I trust them to actually let us know if something does happen

OP posts:
pinklemonade84 · 30/07/2018 23:17

and if you got to the end of that, I’m so so so sorry for the rambling Blush

OP posts:
SpottingTheZebras · 30/07/2018 23:23

Not at all unreasonable to be nervous. The likelihood is that everything will be fine but you don’t have to agree to it if you really aren’t satisfied that your PIL will look after your DD appropriately.

pinklemonade84 · 31/07/2018 07:33

I think other than the possibility of a seizure or absence happening they will take absolute perfect care of her. They’re so good with her and love to treat her, so I know she will have an amazing time.

I keep telling myself that they’ll only be an hour away if anything did happen. To me I just see the epilepsy bits as an everyday thing, not that they happen everyday, but that I just get on with it and deal with them as and when they happen. I’m just not sure that they will deal with it properly and feel that they will more than likely try to brush it under the carpet

OP posts:
NotAsGreenAsCabbageLooking · 31/07/2018 07:39

I had petit mal seizures as a kid, and would often have absences/go into a trance etc.

I can’t remember much about it tbh, but I got the impression it’s not that serious... as in, not comparable to grand mal seizures?

I think she’ll be fine, their attitudes to how you parent are going to be completely different to when they are responsible for her I’d imagine.

FASH84 · 31/07/2018 07:41

OP can you get an NHS leaflet or an advice letter from a nurse/doctor? They might take it more seriously from a medical professional, you give it to them in the sense of 'this is what an absence looks like and this is what you do if she has one'. However if you lived with them will they not know this already?

pinklemonade84 · 31/07/2018 08:09

@NotAsGreenAsCabbageLooking she has the absences and has ones where she goes blank and falls to the floor. She’s hit her head a couple of times as a result of this, which is a big part of the worry for me

OP posts:
pinklemonade84 · 31/07/2018 08:11

@FASH84 that’s actually a good idea thank you. They know what they look like, both her absences and full on tonic clonic seizures (though thankfully the tonic clonic ones are really well controlled). I might email dd’s epilepsy community nurse and ask her for some advice to give them as to what to look out for etc

OP posts:
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