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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to not go back to playgroup?

42 replies

Peakypush · 30/07/2018 22:11

I went to a mother and toddler group today. I've never been before and usually avoid these things like the plague, but we live in the middle of nowhere and I've recently been feeling guilty about that. So I thought I should make more effort to bring my toddler to places where there's other children - lest she become as antisocial and introverted as myself!

Anyway, lots of people there, noisy boisterous children - what you would expect. Some of the mums were lovely and made a big effort to include newbies like myself but there was this one particular woman who I thought was quite rude but I don't know if I'm being unreasonable...

My DD (almost 2) was a little shy at first, she stayed beside me watching the other children and then tentatively joined in. She was playing with a toy kitchen when another little girl came over, slapped her across the face and pushed her aside so she fell on the floor. DD was quite upset, I had the baby in my arms so didn't pick DD up but knelt beside her and gave her a cuddle and when she calmed down (a minute later) I directed her to another spot where she could play. I didn't make a big deal out of it as I know toddlers hit and I'm sure in the not too distant future my DD will most likely be doing the same to her sister etc. I just went back to my seat to join back in the conversation when a woman who I think was the mother of the other child (but I'm not certain) addressed me.

Her: "you're doing her no favours you know"

Me: "pardon?"

Her: "they need to learn how to fight their own corner. How do you expect her to get on in life if you run to every whimper"

Me: "well...uh...she's never been hit before so I think she got a bit of a shock..."

Her: big sigh "for god sake, stay at home mothers always spoil their kids. You're setting her up for failure you know"

I just blushed and said no more after that, I'm not one for confrontation. I've been feeling shit about it since for some reason and wanted to know if people think she has a point?

I should mention I don't keep DD wrapped in cotton wool, she has cousins her own age who she sees regularly and is around other children at soft play etc. - it's just chance that none of them have hit her before.

I just feel disheartened that I finally worked up the courage to go to one of these groups and now I feel like I never want to go back

Was she rude - or am I being over sensitive?

OP posts:

SholaHammer · 30/07/2018 23:02

"Who the Fuck do you think you're talking to?" Whispered while smiling like a psycho should do the trick

Aeroflotgirl · 30/07/2018 23:03

That woman was rude and brash, I guess it probably is her daughter who hurt yours. With a mum like that, she is on the the road to becoming a nasty bully. Don't let her put you off, next week if it hapoens again to yiur dd, tell the other child it is nit nice to hit, we do not hit. If mum comes up with her stupid lecture, just tell her that it takes a village to raise a child yiu know. If yiu don't correct their behaviour now, they can grow up to be nasty bullies.

TinkyWinky40 · 30/07/2018 23:05

I would have told her to fuck right off.
Have no time for such arseholes.
Don’t let her put you off, comments like that stem from jealousy.

Faster · 30/07/2018 23:07

You took two kids to a play group and provided comfort and reassurance to one who absolutely needed her Mum.
Nah. You’re not being over sensitive. That woman had no right to make you feel bad about a single thing you did.

Tigger001 · 30/07/2018 23:07

I would definitely try and go back and avoid her. I go to a playgroup and while on the whole everyone is lovely, you always seem to get one who has to make bitchy comments. I would be horrified if/ and will be when another child slaps my DS, I would expect the parent yo go over to the child and say " that's not how we play" and if they didn't I think I might, although this is my 1st so may be a bit over protective.

I think it would be a shame if you let her be the reason for not returning, just go with the mindset of one last try and if you still don't feel comfortable, call it a day, but I bet the other mums will be lovely again and you will feel fine. Good luck and ignore the bitchy ones ( just think they are only bitching at you as they are unhappy in their own lives )

Teaandbiscuits35 · 30/07/2018 23:07

What a cow! But don’t let her put you off going. I think it’s fair to tell a child “no we don’t slap and we share” if their parent doesn’t intervene. If one of my DC hit another child I’d be telling them off not pretending it’s normal. Yes, some kids hit but they are usually told not to and adults intervene if their child is kicking off. I’d go back and then avoid her like the plague. She sounds horrid!

Themerrygoroundoflife · 30/07/2018 23:10

I have gone to two regular groups for years due to my brood and have never come accross anything even remotely as bad as this.

My youngest will push other children. My eldest were angels so he was sent to teach me that I wasn’t the great parent I thought I was! He isn’t two yet and sadly my attempts to stop him/police him have only reduced the incidences and made him really great at saying sorry . If my child did something similar, he would absolutely be apolgising, removed from the toy and I would embarrassedly be apologising to you/comforting your daughter if I knew you and her. No way would anything like those woman’s thoughts cross my mind let alone my lips. She sounds bizarre!

spottybetty · 30/07/2018 23:11

Well, by her rules you should have punched her in the face and nicked her tea and biscuit. Bet she’d have had something to say about that!

Don’t let her put you off playgroup.

gottastopeatingchocolate · 30/07/2018 23:12

OP, I am so sorry that happened! Well done for going, and please try not to let that person affect you. I know that is tough if you are feeling low in confidence.
If you can bear it, go back... I went to a village play group and the first time I vowed "never again" but I persevered a bit (on and off, it has to be said) and I made one lovely friend out of it. Once I made that friend, we went less often as we'd meet up with the kids separately, which suited us both better.

nannykatherine · 30/07/2018 23:16

you handled it perfectly OP ,
always validate your child’s feelings thus way your child will
learn to cope better.
ignore other mother !!

MrsAidanTurner · 30/07/2018 23:20

Op my dds never hit or pushed any child I watched them like a hawk for years at toddler groups...

Tbh your extremely lucky people noticed you and made you feel welcome. I would concentrate on that and ignore the the utterly ridiculous woman who felt it appropriate to comment on your parenting.

I would laugh in her face if she dared to comment again. Or say did l ask for your opinion!!

Every week is different at these groups and it it nice for the little ones to play

TheMonkeyMummy · 30/07/2018 23:23

She's a cow. I would report her to playgroup and let them know what she said.

WaxOnFeckOff · 30/07/2018 23:23

She was out of order. If she thinks your DD needs to stand up for herself, if it happens again, you could still comfort your DD but go back and say to the woman that you were just telling your DD that next time the child hits her she's to smash her in the face (obvs don't really tell your DD that!) I wonder what her reaction to that might be if it is her child?

Geordiegirl1988 · 30/07/2018 23:27

She was a cheeky fucker and rude . Yanbu

GreenMeerkat · 30/07/2018 23:29

What a bitch! I've had a few experiences like this when I went to playgroup with my two when they were small and I do understand what you mean about knocking your confidence! Try not to let it put you off and go back next week. If she says anything again just smile sweetly and say 'if I want your advice I will ask for it'.

AndreasFault · 30/07/2018 23:50

I had a 'three times' rule. I made myself go to a group 3 times before I decided it wasn't for me - some aren't,. But the worst initial visit was a 'bad' week at what turned out to be a brilliant place where I made friends that I still see 15 years later. Until I had kids I never really had many female friends as grew up rurally in a group of boys, then followed a predominantly male profession. I still prefer male company though tbh, just find it easier.

itswinetime · 30/07/2018 23:59

She is deflecting! Her dd acted badly instead of acknowledging that and saying sorry she chooses to make it your problem it's not!! Yes toddlers behave badly sometimes but it's the parents role to go over and correct that behaviour! That's how children learn surely. Of course as a parent you were right to go and comfort your child I'm sure all the other mums already have their opinions on this mum! Go back don't let her spoil it for you!

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