Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Family drama over pregnancy announcement

39 replies

Elderflower78 · 30/07/2018 20:43

I'm 29 been with dp for 8 years and we own our house. Found out I was pregnant last week, we are over the moon. So happy.
I told my sister a couple of days after finding out, she was happy.
We broke the news to our parents yesterday and my mother's response was oh fuck I'm moving then....followed by just kidding. She then sat there with a face like fizz until we left.
Today has been and gone and no text or nothing to say she's happy or asking how I am or anything.
I text her to ask if she wants to do something this week and she responds by saying she's so hurt I told my sister first and saying how awful I have treated her considering all she does for us and our true feelings towards her has been shown.

She now has now took to ignoring me completely after explaining to her that I wanted to wait and tell her and dad face to face.
I am sick of her drama and making everything about her. She will sulk and ignore me until I apologise even though I feel like I haven't done anything wrong. My sister and I are very close and I find her a lot easier to talk to than my mum.
Aibu to think she is being totally childish and has just ruined what should be one of the happiest times in my life?

OP posts:
funnylittlefloozie · 30/07/2018 21:27

Firstly, congratualtions on your news!

Your mother is ridiculous and selfish. You say that "if I don't visit her I will be the selfish one keeping dc away from her and I will be the bad one again"...in whose eyes? Hers? Who cares? I guarantee everyone around your mother knows EXACTLY what she is like, and while they might go along with her to keep the peace, they do not share her opinions.

bertielab · 30/07/2018 21:27

Your dog? Her dog? -Call her out on it. Her dog, pick the dog up and say don't kick any animal like that. Your dog -I would say kick my dog again EVER and you are out of here and NOT returning.

Congrats on your pregnancy.

Maybe time to woman up and big pants and call her out on it.
I would phone your Dad -and say you have have enough of her behaviour and her awful response and the snippy comments. You're pregnant and need support and not a bch putting you down (don't use the word Btch though!). Say the same to your sister. Sounds like time to focus on your sister and Dad -and other family and keep your mother at arm's length. She clearly has issues. At her age -she's unlikely to change. So change your response. Disengage with her. When she gets back in touch -either a) call her out on it or b) move on -but if she says something bitchy say 'I really don't find these comments from you nice / helpful / supportive' -repeat on a reel. Just keep saying it. If she laughs 'The comments you make are not funny' if 'You are too sensitive, it was a joke' say 'The comments you make are offensive' Continuous and then dead pan back -no tears, just one line comment and leave it hanging and then back away. And so on.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 30/07/2018 21:30

She kicked the dog? And people who witnessed this did what?

Ruby09 · 30/07/2018 21:32

I’m confident and assertive because I suddenly realised a few weeks ago that I’m a mother now and my child will be my priority and decided I’m uninterested in the drama anymore.

I understand you wouldn’t want a fall out it’s horrivle when family falls out but maybe just distance yourself a bit. Focus on yourself and your baby. Stress isn’t any good for either of you x

EvaHarknessRose · 30/07/2018 21:37

I just finished reading the book toxic parents - strong title - but it has something to say, I think, about the guilt, anger and or fear you might feel at your Mum’s response and at not mending it. She is responsible for her own feelings and you are entitled to do things the way you want to. But as long as her actions inspire these strong reactions in you, you are still controlled by them. Congratulations and enjoy your pregnancy and sharing the news however you wish to.

bimbobaggins · 30/07/2018 21:58

Please don’t apologise to her, you’ve done nothing wrong.
She should be happy for you at this time and if not keep her trap shut.

BunsOfAnarchy · 30/07/2018 22:05

Gah i hate shit like this. It wont matter who knew first when the baby is here!

Dont let it ruin the amazing journey you will now be embarking on. You will love it! Congratulations and enjoy!Flowers

sonjadog · 30/07/2018 22:09

Don´t apologize, you have done nothing wrong. Leave her to her sulks.

If anyone kicked my dog, they'd be out the door btw. Family or not.

LuluJakey1 · 30/07/2018 22:11

She kicked the dog, 3 times. She sounds disgusting. I wouldn't have her near my kids. My advice would be go NC and have nothing to do with her ever again.

Congratulations on the pregnancy. Your baby deserves a better grandma. Rescue the dog.

Topseyt · 30/07/2018 22:47

Ignore her, and certainly don't apologise. You have done nothing wrong.

Your mother sounds like a tantrumming toddler, and you will need to keep that at arm's length when the baby arrives, if not before.

Oh, and anyone who kicked my dog would be propelled straight out of the house and told never to return.

Congratulations on your pregnancy. I hope it goes smoothly for you, but it will be much easier if you can distance yourself from your mother.

loopylass13 · 30/07/2018 23:02

Bare in mind I was 17 and it was a secret fling that resulted in pregnancy - my mother's reaction to the news: "Were you raped??!!". No mum, just slutty Hmm. See OP, it could be worse lol

I think as we get older we realise the failings of our parents, that they are human and mess up - as we become parents ourselves we realise how truly messed up our parents are.

Bobbiepin · 30/07/2018 23:12

Definitely rescue the dog. Poor thing.

Original poster
Elderflower78 · 31/07/2018 14:40

Well she's still ignoring me. I have been to hospital with awful pain thought I was losing the baby, a bit of bleeding too. Made even worse when the hospitals tests came back negative. My blood tests are positive and my home kits were positive so it turned out the hospital had a faulty batch.

No more pain or bleeding so we are good for now but I haven't told my mum. Just feel like I can't approach her anymore Sad I feel really sad that's she's treating me like this in what should be the happiest time of my life.

OP posts:
Ruby09 · 01/08/2018 08:33

@Elderflower78
I’m so sorry you e had to go through that :( it’s really scary I know we had a scare at 8 weeks and it was just horrendous. Aside from my wonderful partner I leant on my step mum (well dads ex from years ago but she’s a big part of my life) and she was very good with me and able to make me reason with myself a bit instead of getting so stressed out. Do you have anybody like that? Someone other that baby’s dad you can lean on in times of worry like you w just had x

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread