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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel beyond help

27 replies

Rurarura · 30/07/2018 18:32

Suffering from anxiety and depression. Finally sought help from gp today after spending five days barely making it out of my own bed to go to the loo. They referred me to a telephone service, which concluded that I 'am probably suffering from low mood'.

Apparently, in 14 weeks, I can have some half an hour sessions on how to cope with stress.

I just feel like everything is hopeless. Don't know why I'm posting, maybe I just need a handhold Sad

OP posts:
THEsonofaBITCH · 30/07/2018 18:39

Happy to hold your hand! and a hug! Flowers

Been there, it takes great will to take the steps you've taken and to keep going every day - I've been there. I can only promise it does get better and it helps if you go for walks just to see daily life even if you don't interact. There is joy and beauty in living, HANG IN THERE _ YOU CAN DO IT!!!!

THEsonofaBITCH · 30/07/2018 18:42

One of these is bound to make you laugh out loud or snort in your soup/drink/food:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3314602-to-ask-for-your-best-joke

Beardedlobster · 30/07/2018 18:44

Go back and see a different GP. That is not good enough. They should at least be offering more immediate options such as medication and would usually want to see you again within 2 weeks.
The site No More Panic is a fantastic resource for depression and anxiety and the forum is a fantastic way to speak to others who are the same.
If you feel things are too much though and you can’t can’t keep yourself safe please ring your local crisis team as they should come and see you within 24 hours and refer you on for community support.
It is so hard when you don’t feel you can fight but you have to for yourself. Having been in the darkest whole of despair for so Long with depression and anxiety I have made it to the other side but I needed the right support to do so and you deserve that support. Well done for going to ask for help please don’t let this knock you back.

yawning801 · 30/07/2018 18:45

Handhold here too. Good luck typing, now that both of your hands are being held!

AbsentmindedWoman · 30/07/2018 18:47

You're not beyond help. The system for providing mental health help is simply not fit for purpose, it's bursting at the seams and doesn't have enough funding.

This is no reflection on you. Please don't despair that you will never recover.

Read about neuroplasticity and depression, it will reassure you that you can prune new happier pathways in your brain. Depression and anxiety are firing on well worn circuits. But you are not beyond help, you can recover.

Could you consider paying for therapy?

Or have you googled your area - there are charities that provide counselling outside the NHS?

britnay · 30/07/2018 18:49

I'm not sure if it will help you, but my doctor recommended this book to me and it really did help. I'm still a work in progress, but I'm getting better.

www.amazon.co.uk/Learned-Optimism-Change-Your-Mind-ebook/dp/B079RLWT1N/ref=sr_1_1?s=digital-text&tag=mumsnetforum-21&ie=UTF8&qid=1532972899&sr=1-1

Original poster
Rurarura · 30/07/2018 18:50

I always feel like I'm on the verge of collapse. Sad All everyone else ever sees is a put-together 'lucky' girl with a career and nice husband. I can't do this anymore Sad

OP posts:
THEsonofaBITCH · 30/07/2018 18:54

Yup, public face and private can be worlds apart. You have strength and are taking the first steps - keep going - you can do it. Obviously things need a change, think about what those changes are and what you can do and get advice/help as things that seem insurmountable can when shared be solved. Can't stress enough - HANG IN THERE! YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOU THINK.

Flowers
Yoksha · 30/07/2018 18:59

Happy to hold your hand OP. This happens to me too around twice a year. I soldier on, then something causes me to have a melt-down. I loose about 5/6 days out of my week. I just achieve tiny deeds for me. A bath. Foot massage (by me). Take my moustache off. Wash my hair. You know, things we normally take in our stride. Sometimes even brushing my teeth causes me turmoil.

See another Gp tho'.

Flowers
Original poster
Rurarura · 30/07/2018 19:01

DH will be home soon. Another night of trying to avoid him trying it on. I love him to bits, but I'm struggling to cope with showing him affection right now. Yesterday he asked me if I still loved him as much as I used to Sad

OP posts:
Happygoldfinch · 30/07/2018 19:03

Yoga! Look up Yoga with Adriene (is that advertising? [shocked]) on Youtube and try one of her sessions. I did it for the first time a few days ago and it felt like the world was a bit better afterwards. But if you're truly numb you need to go back to your GP ASAP.

Theweasleytwins · 30/07/2018 19:04

I have anxiety and had pnd, is there possibly a support group near you?

Also I find eating chocolate and cuddling my childhood teddy very comforting

387I2 · 30/07/2018 19:06

I suppose you've checked so this isn't the week before your period. Your husband ought to realise by now that we have to cope with certain mood swings...

Original poster
Rurarura · 30/07/2018 19:10

I'm pretty sure my mental health condition is not just about it being my time of the month, but thanks.

Thanks all of you who've offered support, makes me feel a little less alone.

OP posts:
HarryPotterISreal · 30/07/2018 19:10

I thought this wouldn’t help, but it did help me turn a corner.

m.youtube.com/watch?v=H1T5uMeYv9Q

Not sure how to make it a link.

Bombardier25966 · 30/07/2018 19:13

I hate the term "low mood", it completely demeans how you're feeling. Your feelings are entirely valid Rurarura and you deserve support. Unfortunately it's just not available on the NHS.

I know some are dismissive when yoga is suggested for depression, but it's helped me through some of the lowest points in my life. Like Happygoldfinch I would recommend Yoga with Adriene, there's the physical side of it but she's very gentle and what she says can really take the edge off at the worst of times.

AnoukSpirit · 30/07/2018 19:19

Another night of trying to avoid him trying it on.

What do you mean by that? Does he always roll out the "don't you love me?" stuff if you don't want to? It sounds like you feel under so much pressure. If he loved you in return as much as you love him he'd care for your needs and not leave you feeling so pressured and burdened (and obligated). How is he supporting you?

I'm really sorry you're struggling so much. MH system is not great. Sounds like you've been referred to IAPT which is only really for mild illness. Go along with it as best you can (to show willing and also clearer evidence it's not adequate for your needs) but stick with your GP too so they can see how bad things are.

Original poster
Rurarura · 30/07/2018 19:40

@Anoukspirit he is supportive and not supportive at the same time. He'll make a big fuss about how he's not pestered me for sex for a week like he wants a medal, but does mention that we haven't had it 'for nearly two weeks now'. I'm exhausted. He does not pull that line on me all the time, but he also doesn't fully understand that me being in this state means I don't want to be intimate. I'm struggling with this.

He's great in a lot of ways, I'm just struggling to deal with this now because of everything else. He called me just now and I've ignored it. I feel terrible Sad

OP posts:
nocoolnamesleft · 30/07/2018 19:43

I think you need to show him as much consideration to his needs as he is showing to yours. Chuck him the box of tissues.

IKEAmeatba11s · 30/07/2018 19:48

PND is post natal depression, OP.

Try having a look at this link llttf.com/

Happygoldfinch · 30/07/2018 19:49

Don't blame him - it'll be confusing and upsetting for him, and his only recourse is the assumption that you are cooling in your affection for him - so he might then try even harder to 'get it on' to a) reassure himself and b) help you remember how much he loves you (men think like this, bless them). Would it be crazy to let him come home to some intimacy, even if you have to fake it? And then talk to him afterwards - properly, once his fear that 'it's him' has been removed by your bedroom antics? You might need some wine... Wine Wine Wine

Original poster
Rurarura · 30/07/2018 19:51

I know what PND is. I don't have kids so that's not it Sad

OP posts:
YogiBear13 · 30/07/2018 19:51

I definitely second the suggestion that you look at the No More Panic website. The forum on there has some really helpful people, and even if you don't post anything it can help you feel less alone.

You don't mention if you're open to medication, but if you are I think you should definitely go back to a different GP and push for it. Maybe write down how you've been feeling/how it's affecting you as I know sometimes I don't explain it very well in the moment.

Happygoldfinch · 30/07/2018 19:52

Has this come from nowhere, or can you think of a trigger?

IKEAmeatba11s · 30/07/2018 20:02

No, sorry OP I just saw you said it was nothing to do with your period so thought you misinterpreted the earlier comment 're PND to mean PMS.

There's evidence that talking therapies have a longer lasting beneficial effect than drugs, but drugs kick in faster so I would go back to docs to perhaps discuss anti depressants if you feel you're in need of them.

Some professionals try to move away from labelling mental illness because they feel it has negative effects which is why you might have been told low mood. Have you tried the mood self assessment on NHS? www.nhs.uk/tools/pages/mood-self-assessment.aspx

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