Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To report FIL to the DVLA

67 replies

FruitCider · 30/07/2018 10:29

Background...

My father in law is 71, and lives about 15 minutes away in a rural village.

10 years ago he was diagnosed with Ménière's disease, which he has not declared to the DVLA.

5 years ago he was diagnosed with type 2 diabetes, he takes metformin and gliclizide and ignores DVLA advice re texting blood sugars before car journeys

2 weeks ago he started losing sensation in his right foot, he will not go to the doctors about this despite the fact that it may be linked to his diabetes.

On Saturday evening he gave me a lift to another village 15 minutes away and I was terrified. We nearly clipped the curbs going round bends on several occasions, he was braking v heavily and was very heavy on the accelerator, he was doing 22mph in a 30 zone and 33mph in 40 zones, causing a tail back of at least 20 cars.

I tried to speak to my partner yesterday and suggested his dad needed to give up his driving license, but DP would not have any of it.

AIBU to consider writing to the DVLA about my FIL undeclared medical history in the hope of having his license revoked? I would do this and ask the DVLA not to disclose it was me that contacted them. I really feel he is not safe to be on the roads... I love him dearly but I worry about him hitting the curb and running over a pedestrian or rolling his car and killing himself!!!

OP posts:
elliejjtiny · 30/07/2018 11:30

Report. I don't drive because of a disability. It's a massive pain but it's the safest way.

Redrunbluerun · 30/07/2018 11:41

When you report they’ll send you a letter asking for any additional information, and explain they’ll send a letter to the individual and their GP.
The GP then asks them in... that’s as far as I’ve got in the process so far.

Original poster
FruitCider · 30/07/2018 11:45

Well I've filled in the form... so let's see what happens next Confused

OP posts:
Original poster
FruitCider · 30/07/2018 11:46

What does the letter say that is sent to the individual?

OP posts:
DartmoorDoughnut · 30/07/2018 11:47

Good on you Flowers

OctaviaOctober · 30/07/2018 12:17

It's very hard to get older people to understand that their driving is dreadful. Sometimes a 'higher force' needs to intervene.

Someone out minding their own business could end up being the evidence that he should not have been driving. I don't know about you, but I'd rather not be that "higher force".

UpstartCrow · 30/07/2018 12:19

I wouldn't let him drive me again either.

starfishmummy · 30/07/2018 12:28

Exactly crow.

I know someone who thinks her relative needs to stop driving but regularly asks for lifts...

Aeroflotgirl · 30/07/2018 12:33

Tbh his driving does not sound that bad, he was doing just under the max speed limit, and maybe felt it was safer going that bit slower. Ive clipped the kerbs a couple of times (in my learner car as i am learning) A lot of people want to go over the speed limit, hence the build up of cars. I often cause a tailback of cars, going at the correct speed. If you feel that his Meniers disease and diabetes will put him at risk of accidents, then report.

Leesa65 · 30/07/2018 12:34

Do what you need to do OP

DF can no longer drive and he took it hard , but he is not getting behind the wheel as he knows he could endanger himself or others .
It is hard for them , especially if they have driven for many years like my DF, but its best not to be on the road.

Best of Luck

Original poster
FruitCider · 30/07/2018 12:36

Tbh his driving does not sound that bad, he was doing just under the max speed limit

Since when did 22mph become just under the max speed limit?

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 30/07/2018 12:46

Fruit you have to consider the road conditions, if it is raining of windy. I was travelling along a duel carriage way which the max speed was 70, it was windy and raining, there is noway I am going to travel at that speed, so had to do something like 60mph to be safe. It is not that under the speed limit.

M3lon · 30/07/2018 12:52

You are doing the right thing, if he is retested and fine, then so be it. But I don't think he will be.

Original poster
FruitCider · 30/07/2018 13:30

Fruit you have to consider the road conditions, if it is raining of windy

It was a warm summers day on Saturday, no rain, no cloud, no breeze. My point was his speed was unacceptable for the conditions, and this is an ongoing issue and not just a one off event on Saturday.

OP posts:
Davros · 30/07/2018 14:10

If he loses his licence and lives in Greater London he could qualify for a Taxicard which is a godsend to my disabled BIL

cptartapp · 30/07/2018 14:19

My DM was killed last year by a pensioner's driving, he lost concentration and drifted into oncoming traffic killing her and another lady and seriously injuring two others. She's was only 69.
Report him, then leave it up to the authorities. At least your conscience is clear.

LoniceraJaponica · 30/07/2018 14:22

Aerofltgirl someone driving at 22 mph in good driving conditions might alert the attention of the police for many reasons. The car may be faulty and not roadworthy, the driver may be under the influence of drink or drugs, or the driver may be unwell.

A policeman told me this.

brizzledrizzle · 30/07/2018 14:24

I'd start off by talking to his GP, they won't be able to give you information but they can speak to your FIL. I phoned with a concern about a relative and they contacted them to make an appointment but didn't get a reply so went to the house to see them.

There is advice here

www.which.co.uk/elderly-care/your-relatives-needs/concern-about-elderly-drivers-and-driving/342515-talking-to-your-relative-about-their-driving

GeorgeIII · 30/07/2018 14:33

If I reported someone I wouldn’t tell anyone. Just look surprised when you hear. You can see from this thread that some have different opinions. My DH won’t report someone we know as he doesn’t want to do all the running around for them that will then ensue!!

Fe2O3Girl · 30/07/2018 14:33

You've done the right thing, FruitCider.

www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2017/apr/18/wife-killed-older-driver-law-change

Snugglepiggy · 30/07/2018 14:41

We had a similar problem with an elderly family member. In their late 80s and bought a brand new car and we were horrified as had seen ,and heard from others ,how bad their driving had become.After they demolished the neighbours wall and nearly mowed down someone on the pavement OH had a word with the GP -we knew they were due to go - who fortunately advised them to give up driving.The driver also had diabetes and mobility issues,and luckily listened to the GP but certainly wouldn't have taken it from us.
There's a tiny elderly woman that comes to visit someone on our very steep road.She can barely see over the steering wheel and her driving is shocking,it takes multiple manoeuvres to turn round in a big wide turning area.Everyone dreads her coming.Then she parks -very badly- and her elderly friend comes out and puts bricks behind her wheels ,presumably as a back up if her hand brake fails.It makes me mad that see thinks it's OK to be on the road still,I just hope none of the grandchildren are out in the gardens when she careers out of control,or anyone for that matter.

InTheRoseGarden · 30/07/2018 14:57

You are 100% right to report this. Thanks for doing it.

user1472651064 · 30/07/2018 15:25

You just have to ask how you would feel if you didn't do anything, and he killed someone. Not easy, but must be done.

maggiecate · 30/07/2018 15:32

The letter my dad got after I reported his eyesight said 'We have been made aware...' or words to that effect. It didn't say who had reported him.

I phoned the DVLA about it and the chap on the other end was incredibly nice, and said they get calls every day with people in exactly the same situation - elderly relative won''t give up their car, relative terrified that they will have an accident.

Roachella · 30/07/2018 20:38

I reported my ex-husband to the DVLA because I knew at some point I'd get a phone call telling me he'd killed someone, and my honest response would've been, We could all see this coming.
I did it online, they got in touch and he doesn't know it was me. They are very discreet.
He was legally blind at the time and our children would do nothing as he'd be so upset if he couldn't drive.
I had no such scruples. He's off the road now.

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread