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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to expect mother to eat thedinner I make her?

22 replies

hjscho · 31/05/2007 13:42

This has happened twice now. I have made my mother dinner and whilst battling with DS to eat his, she has left hers. As I am just getting used to having 2 children under two, just cooking a meal is hard enough, so I am ready to stop inviting her over. I am always hard on my Mum...I know that...but this does seem unreasonable to me. Should I give her a break?

OP posts:

seamonster · 31/05/2007 13:43

The shoe is on the other foot now

Cappuccino · 31/05/2007 13:45

just give it to her, leave it for 20 mins, and take it away without a comment

don't offer her pudding she can have yogurt or fruit

and no sweets before bedtime

contentiouscat · 31/05/2007 13:45

Perhaps she is paying you back for all the years she cooked you dinner and you left it LOL

Hey I now have something to look forward to when im old (planning to drop my drinks on their clean carpets too)

seamonster · 31/05/2007 13:48

Or mention the poor starving people in Africa who'd be glad of such a meal...
I used to hear that a lot.

Cappuccino · 31/05/2007 13:52

or have you considered she might be ill

give her some Calpol

Original poster

hjscho · 31/05/2007 13:53

so ladies...from your comments...you do seem to think that I am unreasonable .

I just feel that she knows the kind of food I cook (largely veggie household) and if she doesn't like it then she should decline the offer. ALTHOUGH one of the times I had cooked a lamb stew for her and she couldn't eat it after finding a bit of bone left in it.

OP posts:

seamonster · 31/05/2007 13:54

Make a point of saying (loudly) that no-one gets pudding or gets down until they've eaten everything

Cappuccino · 31/05/2007 13:56

no you're not being unreasonable

why isn't she eating it? is she a completely picky cow? does she say anything?

it is rude to leave a meal that has been cooked for you. It is fine to leave some of it if you have had enough but to leave all of it is just impolite and not what you are trying to teach your children

tell her

stop cooking for her

Cappuccino · 31/05/2007 13:57

oh fgs if you're going to eat meat you have to admit where it came from

give her chicken legs

Original poster

hjscho · 31/05/2007 13:59

The lamb she left was because of the bone...she reckoned that she couldn't eat any after that (only a couple of mouthfulls into the meal) and last night it was a veggie lasagne and she left the filling. I did tell her that it had peppers in and I knwo she isn't too keen,but she also had a jacket potato and other veggies, so she could have said that she didn't want any of the lasagne.

I just don't comment on it and take it away and then dont offer anything else.

OP posts:

Original poster

hjscho · 31/05/2007 14:00

Cappuccino..you are even more harsh than me!

OP posts:

Cappuccino · 31/05/2007 14:03

god mothers are weird

my mother has a list (an ever-growing one) of things that 'don't agree with her' which include cucumbers, green peppers, mackerel, and I don't cook things that have those things in them

can you approach this in a different way ie 'what don't you like mother because if I'm cooking for you I don't want you not to be able to eat it like the last couple of times'

I know it's hard enough with kids not eating it, when the adults don't like it it's infuriating. I have got very frustrated with dh when he doesn't like something merely because he is the one I am allowed to be unreasonable with

Cappuccino · 31/05/2007 14:04

I mean I don't cook things on her list when she's eating with us

Original poster

hjscho · 31/05/2007 14:06

What gets me though is that if someone elsemade it she would eat it without looking like she is playing with the food.

She is putting on loads of weight and I have a feeling that when she is alone she just eats cr*p, unhealthy stuff,so now she cannot stomach anything that is decent.

I am loathed to change what I have made just because she has appeared and I offer her dinner. If it is planned then I'd make moreof an effort.

OP posts:

NikkiBFG · 31/05/2007 14:09

My MIL is diabetic - controls it with food. When she stays with us, makes a huge fuss over the sugar in everything, cue me picking out raisins from the breakfast museli as she thinks they are sugary.....I was 3months post c section and at peak of PND but still coped with it all...(just!)

Fast forward 7months or so and we are in Syria visiting them.....cue MIL troughing everything in sight, including syrupy drenched pastries and lots of white bread!!!!

Cappuccino · 31/05/2007 14:11

oh dear

just say 'do you want dinner we are having this'

give her a very small portion

does she live alone? my mum put lots of weight on for exactly the reasons you describe, but I needed to go back to weightwatchers for a bit and she came with me and now is much better

it would be much more convenient if you wanted to lose some weight (I can only make this kind of comment to people I have never seen!)

Chopster · 31/05/2007 14:16

People like that drive me nuts. I get so cross with people not eating food that I have prepared that I now serve junk food to playdates and my mother brings her own packed lunch. My mother is convinced that since dp is Indian we put chillies in EVERYTHING and refuses to eat. Playdates turn their noses up at stuff which hasn't come out of a freezer or can. I've jsut given up, it isn't worth the hassle.

Original poster

hjscho · 31/05/2007 14:17

just seen your 21 day detox...might suggest it to her!

OP posts:

Cappuccino · 31/05/2007 14:25

it's a bit extreme for bfeeding I would have thought - I'm feeding a 2-yr-old so I decided that was safe

living on their own they get into habits, bad habits, and then they can't get out of them so much. If she's eating a lot of chocolate then, just like kids, she won't be properly hungry for her tea. Is she all out of gear with meals and snacking at odd times of the day?

my mum used to be a loon - I once watched her scoff a packet of flapjacks behind the car in the supermarket car park - she knew she was going to have to get all her shopping away before starting to make herself a meal and her heart wasn't in cooking for one

can you invite her more regularly, maybe once or twice a week (dunno how near she is) so she knows she's going to be getting a meal and doesn't snack before it? Maybe you need to look after her a bit like you're looking after your kids

Original poster

hjscho · 31/05/2007 14:46

I think she does need a bit of TLC and before DD arrived I had her over more often. DS adores her and it takes the pressure off a bit, so she is useful too! BUT I have found her so annoying since birth of DD (me being unreasonable due to tiredness) and I haven't had her over as often. I'll have to get back into it for her sake I suppose...but if she leaves her dinner or plays with her food then thats it.

OP posts:

Cappuccino · 31/05/2007 14:50

in the end though she's insanely irritating at times I know I am lucky to have a helpful grandmother that the children love nearby

good luck

barb23 · 31/05/2007 14:53

I don't think you're being unreasonable to feel upset. But I do think you should find out what's going on. Have you asked her why she's having issues with your food? She might not be intentionally being rude, perhaps she is ill or anxious or depressed? Does she eat well at other places?
If you suspect it's only your food she doesn't eat, why not take her out for a meal at her favourite restaurant, then see how she reacts, just in case. At the very least it would be a good opener to have a discussion about how you feel.

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