To think it's actually impossible to be your best self when you're tired and stressed?

[Nannyplumshairstyle]

It seems that society expects me to be a good friend, wife, employee, mum, sister, niece, calm, rational, mindful and healthy person while I am trying to spin so many domestic plates.
I can't be. I'm tired, stressed, overloaded and living on sugar and caffeine to get me through.
If I had time/ money to go to Pilates, meditation classes, plan a healthy diet, childcare, cleaner, time for myself. I might have an ounce of space in my mind for myself but as it is everyone gets the frazzled short tempered version of me. My life's not extraordinarily stressful just the normal stresses.

How does anyone manage to be nice/ pleasing people once they've had kids!?

You don't need to give up being nice to people - just do less. No-one needs to be a perfect wife mother housekeeper friend etc etc.

I agree 100%. Sometimes I feel really depressed when I look back at the interesting, kind person I was before I had kids. Now my entire life is childcare and chores and trying to cram everything else into a couple of hours a day when I'm really really tired! I do prioritise hobbies and relaxing over exercise and non-essential housework though which makes a big difference to my mood (a few years ago I didn't even have time for the essentials though so I know that's not always possible).

I think there’s something to be said for not only giving up social media, but stepping away from gadgets entirely. They distract us, and suck our time away. Certainly for me anyway. Although it won’t solve the problem (and I am in the same boat as you OP and all the PPs) but it will free up some time and allow a little more focus.

There are no answers, i’m Just waiting for this phase to pass. I am surrounded by beautiful young things achieving, having their successes, moving on to the next stage - life spread out ahead of them. I facilitate them, I am incredibly proud of them, they are my greatest achievement. However, as an individual I am fading, greying, and lacking any sense of self. I have a lovely boyfriend (for want of a better word, as we are older) who I feel guilty for as I don’t have the capacity to give him what he needs from me. I have a job I feel guilty about because I don’t feel I know what I’m doing, and if I’m not working (i’m Home based) I feel guilty as though I should be. I’m a single parent and am constantly compensating for the DCs father’s lack of interest in them. I carry the guilt of his fuckwittery.

I am anxious, I sleep badly, I don’t eat well. I do everything that needs doing, I take the DCs away, I do lots of stuff that causes me stress and worry. Because if I didn’t they would miss out.

Sorry Op. opened a floodgate there.

In short, yes OP. You are not alone.

I hear you OP.

I'm being treated for a serious illness atm (not terminal), and paradoxically, I'm more relaxed than I've been for years!

It feels mad that it should take something so drastic, but everyone's expectations of you take a massive nose-dive, and I have indeed been able to focus on self-care.

Not trying to derail the thread, it's just given me an insight into how unrealistic our expectations of ourselves and others usually are.

I am feeling like this at the moment. I had a bit of a nervous breakdown this week. I actually posted on here about being so fed up with struggling with everything and being resentful of DH who manages to cope.

In short, I think the problem has been with me. I've got too high expectations of myself and I'm not able to let things like housework etc go. To the detriment of myself and my own free time. I've made a list of things I want to change at home, but it basically involves ignoring housework, stop dropping everything for my kids and only doing the bare essentials and instead doing things that benefit me.

I'm also changing jobs which is a huge source of stress in my life.

I'm a well intending but rather grumpy person - and nowadays pretty stress free so much better at keeping things in perspective. I acknowledge my faults and do step down hard on my worst inclinations.

I know lots of people whose default personality is much more agreeable than mine and who have much more on their plate and it annoys me when such people are accused of showing their 'real selves' if they are ever stressed or snippy. No, they are basically pleasant people and should be judged on the majority of their behaviour, not the odd justified show of impatience.

What a lovely lot you are. Thank you.