Please help me with learning to drive. I'm at my wit's end :(

[Holdonnow]

Ever since my teen years I've tried to crack driving without success. When I was in my late teens I went for 2 tests, didn't pass either and then shelved the whole idea for years out of fear. Gave it another stab in my mid-20s, made some progress then let it tail off. I've now had the most solid, regular chunk of lessons and had booked a test in, only to find that as the test date approaches I've steadily become more and more anxious and today, one week out from the test, my instructor told me she doesn't think I'm ready and I should just push it back.

I could've cried there and then, I was so upset. I've really tried to push through my anxieties around driving but I seem to make a lot of mistakes still, and I also get anxious with being watched and appraised. When I've driven with family members, I feel so much more relaxed, but I know that's not really much help because the test itself is exactly that, being watched and appraised!

I don't know what to do now. I'm scared I'll just give up and then it'll be years before I pluck up the courage to even attempt getting to this level again. I feel so down about not being able to master something most people consider so basic and it's holding me back in many areas of life e.g. I don't want to TTC before I can drive on my own because shlepping a baby around on unreliable buses is just not feasible around where I live.

Was anyone like me and got through it somehow? Would really appreciate some tips or positive stories.

Once you feel that you are in control it will all be fine. Once you’re in control you’ll pass. I took over a year, passed second time at 18. First time I wasn’t in control and failed, second time I was in control and passed because I was a better driver then. Good luck!

It took me YEARS to get to grips with driving. I’ve lost count of how many lessons ended in me bursting into tears, or how many times out practicing with DH I threatened to sell my car or drive us off a cliff 😄
I felt like I would never, ever be able to do it. That I was just useless at this very basic life skill that everyone around me had mastered effortlessly.
Well, I passed my test 5 months ago (3rd try) with the help of beta blockers (HIGHLY RECOMMENDED)
and I honestly now feel like a competent, safe, confident driver. Of course I make the odd mistake but who doesn’t? Seriously, if I can do it, you most definitely can. Practice practice practice, and dig deep for some self belief. Good luck!

Took me well over 100 lessons and 3 tests to pass. I was so anxious about driving and scared just getting behind the wheel. It’s been almost 5 years now and I genuinely love driving and couldn’t live without my car. Keep going and good luck.

Ask your instructor if she has a couple of colleagues who can do a mock test with you. Even if she's a one man band she will know other instructors. It really helps because then you know what to expect and how you will react during test conditions. Do one mock with your instructor then a couple of weeks later (continuing with your lessons) do another with a different instructor. Keep up with your lessons, have an aim during every lesson to master something, like up hill starts, downhill starts and improve each element during the lesson. Not being ready isn't helpful really, your instructor needs to inform you what elements need work and focus on those during the next few lessons. The other thing I found helps nervous candidates is to have a lesson every day leading up to the test. Great for nervous drivers because everything becomes so much more familiar.

Wow, thanks so much everyone, I just had a good cry and already feel better reading these responses. I'm the only person amongst my family and friends who doesn't drive so I've felt so alone and hopeless throughout this process. My instructor hasn't really been supportive so I think I'll look to change instructors. I'm still undecided about whether to just do the test or not, it might help to fail once so I know it's not the end of the world and at least I can be familiar with what it's like?

I'm already learning on automatic so no worries there

I would switch to taking the test in an automatic car. They are so easy to drive. If in the future you want to get a manual you could try again but with lots of experience driving.
We now have an automatic car after driving manuals for 20 odd years and it's the best thing and I'll never go back to a manual, they are great for all the stop start traffic. The uk has a strange aversion to automatic cars for some reason they are really popular elsewhere in the world.

You can do it!

I passed my test on Tuesday, it was my 5th test. I failed 4 as I was a complete and utter bag of nerves every time. My 4th test I failed whilst still at the centre as I was so nervous that I was going to drive into an uncoming bus' front. I simply could not see it coming as I was that big of a bag of nerves. Outside a test I am actually quite good! But as soon as I was in a car with a strange man, that was it.

I started lessons last June at the age of 29 and passed just over a year later- until my firat test I had lessons weekly, after they were intermittent, more in a run up to each test. My advice is just keep going and you will do it.

I am now even contemplating buying a car as I feel confident in being able to drive it, when it was never on the horizon, I just wanted to have something in my life that I wasn't a complete failure at.

@dillite that's great, congratulations! The bus thing is something I can definitely see myself doing! I find that when I make one mistake I get very flustered and start making loads of silly mistakes.

Lots of people on this thread have mentioned beta blockers, which I would definitely consider but I'd like to try without them first. My hands shake sometimes when I'm driving just from the nerves

@holdon, thank you :)

My hands also used to shake- especially after not driving for a bit. Hell, my whole body would tremble which meant that silly mistakes happened which would make the nerves even worse. Have you tried that bach's rescue remedy spray? I found that it helped a bit with nerves. And also having a radio on. But the biggest help was that my instructor didn't stress me out, so I would suggest you try a new instructor.

It took me 4 attempts to pass my test. The first 3 I did with one driving instructor and them I changed to a different one and had him sit in the car on the day of the test, which made me feel much more comfortable. It wasn't the driving I had trouble with, i panic in test situations. It sounds the same with you, could you ask your instructor to sit in the test with you?

@dillite my instructor doesn't exactly stress me out, but I don't feel that comfortable with her either. I don't know how much of that is me though I suppose it wouldn't hurt to try someone new.

@Duskqueen I'm a fairly nervous driver as it is, but I find that under test conditions I just turn to jelly. I think having an extra person in the car might make me more nervous actually

I was a very nervous learner, had lessons when I was 17 passed my theory first time and let it go to wast for 9 years until I decided enough was enough, i took lessons again at 26 passed theory again and passed my test first time. I don't get nervous about much bit driving made me very anxious, I hated holding people up. The thought of people getting angry at being stuck behind me etc. I did not expect to pass my test as I went the wrong way twice after being told which direction to go .
Get in as many driving hours as possible and don't over think things. Your nerves get the better of you if you over think things. I used to get more anxious throughout my lessons, in my h3ad I would think "calm down and stop being silly" and take a couple of deep breaths. That usually worked.
During me lessons I always made sire I was comfortable, comfy clothes, comfy footwear, hair tied back.
I thought I would always be a nervous wreck while driving but I made myself do it every single day and 2 years later I am very confident, I would drive anywhere and prefer driving withought my DP in the car. The freedom it gives is amazing and I think it has actually made more independent and in control of my life.

Haven't even checked that post, sorry if there's any mistakes. Wrote in a bit of a rush.

I was like this super nervous driver in my lessons and I also have no spatial awareness. I just kept on having lessons. I also took beta blockers during the lessons and for the test. Just kept the nerves under control. After passing I dreaded driving but it dud get better, I even enjoy it now! I forced myself to drive a little every day after passing and after a month my confidence increased. If I had to do a big complicated drive I always looked up the difficult bits (huge roundabouts, slip roads etc) in advance.

I've been passed for two years now (took me A year and a half of three hours of lessons a week to learn) and I'm fine now I only get nervous if it's a long motorway drive and I still can't parallel park. Other than that I'm fine.

I thought I would never manage but I passed on my 4th attempt last week. In the end I took kalms lavender tablets to chill me out while doing it. I also found taking a morning slot helped. Took me many hours of lessons. Trust me it is worth it, do not give up!