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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to ask which is the most neutral term dinner, supper or tea?

465 replies

ConfusedWife1234 · 29/07/2018 15:19

AIBU to ask which the most neutral term for dinner/supper/tea is? I am not a native speaker and I have been told that your usage of the word says a lot about ethnic ancestry, social class, if your are from the UK, US or another English speaking country, part of the country and so on. Which is the most neutral term and when do I use which one?

OP posts:
Automatic · 29/07/2018 19:21

kate go ahead and use LOL! (lol) My dcs are eating crisps so now I have the munchies too but trying to resist the chocolate bars in the fridge but they're calling me...
LOL

kenandbarbie · 29/07/2018 19:25

I am from the north but I would say:

Breakfast
Lunch
Tea as in an early afternoon tea or kids tea at about 4 / 4.30
Dinner a main evening meal at about 7
Supper a hot drink and biscuit before bed

Pudding or dessert for the sweet course after lunch or dinner. To me pudding = hot and stodgy, dessert = fancy and light - usually.

You can say 'going out for a bite / meal' for the evening meal to avoid the problem!!

bringincrazyback · 29/07/2018 19:30

I'm northern and grew up with breakfast/dinner/tea, but even as a child 'dinner' always seemed weird to me for the midday meal, as to me it implies a biggish cooked meal which was virtually never the case, or not in my family anyway.

Lived in the Home Counties for a good few years and came across a lot of people (normally those who'd been privately educated!) who said breakfast/lunch/supper, but to me 'supper' to describe the evening meal is teeth-squeakingly pretentious. To me it will always mean a snack before bed.

These days I use breakfast/lunch/tea if I'm talking about an 'everyday' evening meal at home around 5.30-6 p.m. or so. Any later than that, or entertaining, or eating out, I tend to think of the evening meal as dinner.

I've just thoroughly muddied the waters, haven't I? Grin

jazzyfizzles · 29/07/2018 19:43

Breakfast9

likeacrow · 29/07/2018 19:43

If we just scrapped "dinner" altogether, it would be a lot less confusing. At least everyone knows what lunch means!

jazzyfizzles · 29/07/2018 19:44

Oops, dropped my phone and posted!

Breakfast, dinner and tea here with 'afters' meaning dessert!

ForalltheSaints · 29/07/2018 19:46

The meal in the evening is tea. Dinner can be at lunchtime.

TheDowagerCuntess · 29/07/2018 19:49

If we just scrapped "dinner" altogether, it would be a lot less confusing.

No it wouldn't! What would the people who've only used dinner for the evening meal now call it?

likeacrow · 29/07/2018 19:50

Tea!

MereDintofPandiculation · 29/07/2018 19:53

Isn't lunch a bit lighter than dinner? You'd never eat steak and kidney pudding for lunch ... and if you ate it a "lunchtime" you'd call it dinner and have on a light tea in the evening.

(Sorry, OP - "pudding" can be savoury rather than sweet, and if it is, it's not served for pudding)

keyboardkate · 29/07/2018 19:53

I thought dessert was called "pudding". I need a wake up call here!

Pudding to me is that awful Christmas stuff full of nuts and fruit and SO heavy.

Do I need to be re educated WRT puddings/dessert now also? OMG.

BlackberryandNettle · 29/07/2018 19:56

To me, tea is a light meal in late afternoon/early evening. Dinner is the main evening meal and most substantial meal of the day. Supper is a light, late evening meal.

zukiecat · 29/07/2018 19:57

I'm from Aberdeen in NE Scotland

Growing up we always had :

Breakfast
Dinner
Supper

I use those terms now

extinctspecies · 29/07/2018 19:58

Isn't lunch a bit lighter than dinner

Not a Sunday roast, followed by a crumble for pudding ...

TornFromTheInside · 29/07/2018 19:59

Dinner bells, and dinner ladies don't help matters

TheDowagerCuntess · 29/07/2018 20:00

Tea

But that's something you drink.

TornFromTheInside · 29/07/2018 20:02

What's a bloody tea towel about?

TornFromTheInside · 29/07/2018 20:03

Maybe a Tea Towel is what we all throw in when we can't resolve the dinner argument!

whiskeysourpuss · 29/07/2018 20:06

What's a bloody tea towel about

Just to confuse matters further - I call that a dish towel

TornFromTheInside · 29/07/2018 20:07

World's gone mad.
People renaming things.
They'll be calling men women next!

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 29/07/2018 20:20

This reminds me of a cute cartoon that I saw ages ago - where a cat bride was marrying a dog groom and neither of them could possibly comprehend why their spouse didn't realise that the fish print / bone print wallpaper was the obvious best choice for their new marital home.

I understand your frustration, OP, but you're never going to find a most-acceptable 'neutral' opinion on this. You may as well go to Belgium and ask whether Flemish or Walloon is the more 'neutral' language - or ask 100 women and 100 men which is the more 'neutral' and natural position to adopt when having a wee.

Despite what certain (usually southern) people will tell you, there is no single nationwide neutrally-accepted word for each of these meals. It's like the endless ridiculous debates over the correct pronunciation of the word 'scone' or 'bath', it's arrogant to claim that one is 'correct' and the other merely something stupid that 'uneducated' people ignorantly say.

You have two basic choices to avoid any confusion:

  1. Just say 'midday meal' and 'evening meal' (although, even then, people might not know if you're referring to a big main meal or a lighter one, regardless of when it's eaten). Obvious disadvantage is that this might sound stilted and unnatural, like saying 'motor car' or 'mobile telephone';
  2. Listen to (or even ask them!) what the majority of people who live in your region/area tend to say and just say the same as them. This option would seem to make the most sense as people in your area who originate from elsewhere in the country will know that their terminology isn't what is commonly used in their new area and will either be decentric and understand what you and others mean or, at worst, just ask you to clarify.
4yearsnosleep · 29/07/2018 20:21

Sorry if this has been mentioned before. This is my all time favourite poem at school and one that I'll never forget. This post reminded me of it:

Wha Fe Call I'
By Valerie Bloom

Miss Ivy, tell mi supmn,
An mi wan' yuh ansa good.
When yuh eat roun 12 o'clock,
Wassit yah call yuh food?

For fram mi come yah mi confuse,
An mi noh know which is right,
Weddah dinnah a de food yuh eat midday, Or de one yuh eat a night.

Mi know sey breakfus a de mawnin one,
But cyan tell ef suppa a six or t'ree,
An one ting mi wi nebba undastan,
Is when yuh hab noh tea.

Miss A dung a London ha munch 12 o'clock,
An dinnah she hab bout t'ree,
Suppah she hab bout six o'clock,
But she noh hab noh tea.

Den mi go Cambridge todda day,
Wi bad dinnah roun' bout two
T'ree hour later mi frien she sey,
Mi hungry, how bout yuh?

Joe sey im tink a suppa time,
An mi sey yes, mi agree,
She halla, "Suppa? a five o'clock,
Missus yuh mussa mean tes!"

Den Sunday mi employer get up late,
Soh she noh hab breakfus nor lunch,
But mi hear she a talk bout "elevenses"
An one sinting dem call "brunch".

Breakfus, elevenses, an brunch,
lunch, dinnah, suppa, tea
Mi brain cyam wuk out which is which,
an when a de time fe hab i'.

For jus' when mi mek headway,
Sinting dreadful set mi back,
And dis when mi tink mi know them all,
Mi hear bout one name snack.

Mi noh tink mi a badda wid no name,
Mi dis a nyam when time mi hungry,
For doah mi 'tomach wi glad fe de food,
I' couldn care less wheny mi call

Automatic · 29/07/2018 20:23

Don't lets even get started on courses tom! Appertisers /starters/ amuse buche....... (not sure if spelling there). As for tea towels they don't use those in usa so lets just add that to the mix! We'll be talking about dishing up serving up... GrinGrin

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 29/07/2018 20:24

D'oh! That would be 'go to Belgium....Flemish or French' (of course, the Walloons are the group of people and is not the name of the language that they speak).

Automatic · 29/07/2018 20:27

No wonder you have called yourself 4yearsnosleep! How did u manage to write that so neatly! (rhetorical)Smile