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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to ask which is the most neutral term dinner, supper or tea?

465 replies

ConfusedWife1234 · 29/07/2018 15:19

AIBU to ask which the most neutral term for dinner/supper/tea is? I am not a native speaker and I have been told that your usage of the word says a lot about ethnic ancestry, social class, if your are from the UK, US or another English speaking country, part of the country and so on. Which is the most neutral term and when do I use which one?

OP posts:
TroysMammy · 29/07/2018 22:03

ConfusedWife1234 I really don't know as I don't speak the language. I just know a few words of Welsh. Perhaps a Welsh speaker may come along to answer your question.

As a child we didn't call it pudding, sweet or dessert we called it afters. As in we had it, tinned peaches and evaporated milk for example, after our tea.

thirstyformore · 29/07/2018 22:09

We have pudding. Or sometimes afters.

DieAntword · 29/07/2018 22:10

Frecwast = breakfast, obvious English loan word.

Cinio = dinner/lunch. Derived from an obsolete word “ynghno” meaning ‘eating together’.

Swper = supper, also an obvious loan word.

wowfudge · 29/07/2018 22:23

I'll throw in my twopenneth: breakfast, dinner and tea if the lunchtime meal is a hot one. I'm northern and from a lower middle class background if anyone cares about it. I wouldn't say dinner to describe a sandwich or salad for lunch. I'd say lunch. I would still say tea for evening meal. DP is from the East Midlands and claims never to have heard the evening meal being called tea when growing up.

I had never heard the term supper other than in period dramas before I went to uni. It's not a term I'd use.

We used to say afters at home when we were kids, then dessert in more formal settings, but I always knew that pudding was what you should call it! I've heard sweet and thought it was a 60s/70s thing. No idea why I think that.

wowfudge · 29/07/2018 22:24

Tinned fruit and evap - that's what your granny used to give you for pudding when I was growing up (70s and 80s).

kenandbarbie · 29/07/2018 22:33

Surely a big meal at lunchtime on a Sunday can be called Sunday roast / Sunday lunch / roast dinner?

Fifthtimelucky · 29/07/2018 22:33

How interesting. I never realised that some people use dinner for the main meal of the day, whatever time it is eaten. For me, it's all about timing, so lunch might be a sandwich, or soup, but it might be a pub lunch (which could perfectly well be steak and kidney pie) or when I can bothered and/or if we have friends round, it's "Sunday lunch" which will be roast something.

I call tea towels "drying up cloths" which I think is pretty self-explanatory.

manaftermidnight · 29/07/2018 22:39

But that's a dinner, isn't it? You don't hear people talking about "a roast lunch". It's always "a roast dinner". You can't have a Sunday dinner for lunch, then have a dinner in the evening. You'd not want to eat for a week afterwards

It's not always a roast dinner, it only is when its dinner! If its eaten early, for lunch, then its a roast lunch. Of course you can have it for lunch, most people do.

manaftermidnight · 29/07/2018 22:41

Because then you'd have to eat even more for dinner to make it your main meal

No you wouldn't, at all. It's lunch and dinner, it doesn't matter how much or what you eat. How bizarre to think that lunch can't be lunch if its a large meal, or that dinner can move around the day depending on the size of it...after all, if the largest meal you ate one day was breakfast, you wouldn't call that dinner, would you?

PuntCuffin · 29/07/2018 22:46

I am going to take my badge of honour and wear it with pride. I am wanky and pretentious and various other insults because of what I call my evening meal. I was brought up with breakfast, lunch and supper. I still call them that. Get over it.

For me, it is about the time of day, not the size of meal. We have Sunday lunch. Some weekends it might be bacon sandwiches, others it might be a roast. We will still have supper, the size of which will be adjusted accordingly. There is no cereal/toast before bed, a decent supper puts paid to that.

We have pudding, not sweet/dessert/afters. But maybe that's another wanky thing too. So much reverse snobbery can give you indigestion.

slapmyassandcallmejudy · 29/07/2018 22:50

Dinner- a main meal eaten late afternoon/early evening

Tea- a small evening meal such as soup or a toastie if for example the kids have had 3 meals at school/nursery already

Supper- a very light meal eaten well into the evening

Eliza9917 · 29/07/2018 23:40

Tea is a drink. Dinner is dinner and supper is a snack before bed.

LoveIsNotInTheAir · 30/07/2018 02:34

Tea is a drink! Drives me crazy when someone says ‘tea time’ and I think I’m getting a nice drink Grin Dinner is the right wording Wink

cornnotonacob · 30/07/2018 02:58

For me, dinner is the hot meal. If dinner is served around midday then the sandwiches etc around 6pm become tea, if dinner is served around 6pm then sandwiches etc around midday are lunch. If there are two hot meals in a day then 'oh we've had two dinners today!'.

Original poster
ConfusedWife1234 · 30/07/2018 03:19

@CasperGutman mentioned that at Oxford dessert is eaten in a different room. Just asking to be sure: when I am not at Oxford it is okay to call it dessert when it is eaten in the very same room were lunch was eaten, isn‘t it?

Oh, btw, now that we are talking about different rooms... when people/the gentlemen go to a different room to smoke after they have eaten... how is this called and how is the room called? Does it differ depending on which gender those who do it have?

OP posts:
derxa · 30/07/2018 06:46

Scottish people sometimes call 'elevenses' 'our ten o'clock' and the cup of tea and a biscuit 'our three o'clock'. I grew up with breakfast, coffee time, dinner, three o'clock, tea and supper.
Supper is a joke word in our house. So we give the cats their 'supper'.
If we are feeding the sheep in the evening we will say we are giving them 'their tea'.

XiCi · 30/07/2018 06:56

When gentlemen go to a different room for a smoke and a port that is called the 1930's
And yes, you are fine to call your pudding /sweet /afters dessert. Everyone will know what you are talking about. No-one will gasp in horror. It's fine.
Is there some special event you need advice on OP because there's no need for normal mealtimes to cause so much angst. Alot of people use all of these words depending on context. Noone really cares that much if someone says tea and they say supper!

SilboCanary · 30/07/2018 07:03

To give an idea of the geographical differences, supper was always the standard word for an evening meal in my life. I only just learned from this thread that some people find it pretentious!

SilboCanary · 30/07/2018 07:06

@CasperGutman mentioned that at Oxford dessert is eaten in a different room. Just asking to be sure: when I am not at Oxford it is okay to call it dessert when it is eaten in the very same room were lunch was eaten, isn‘t it?

This is about formal evening meals at Oxford university and so is very specific. In the city of Oxford they eat the same way as everyone else and use the same words as other Southerners.

WeirdScenesInsideTheGoldmine · 30/07/2018 07:16

@confusedwife1234

It is Pudding not dessert.... calling it dessert is a bit .. common

To me after are the bits post wedding breakfast!!

Original poster
ConfusedWife1234 · 30/07/2018 07:23

@XiCi I am not angstful or afraid to say the wrong things. It‘s just like... I enjoy speaking different languages and enjoy speaking them as well as possible... may be a bit like a person who enjoys breakdancing and it working on doing each move as perfectly as possible...

So “people will understand me“ is not good enough for me. I want to speak English as fluent as possible.

OP posts:
ElizabethinherGermanGarden · 30/07/2018 07:47

I'm really interested now because I would instinctively say breakfast/lunch/dinner (am a middle class southerner) but there are always exceptions:

  • if I'm hanging around my parents' house and being deliberately lazy and childish I will ask what's for tea, meaning dinner
  • I've frequently been invited out or round to a friend's for Sunday lunch, meaning a roast dinner - doesn't seem to matter whether they want to eat at 1pm or 6pm
  • I love a brinner, which is a full English breakfast brunch eaten for lunch or dinner (I think I picked up the word from Scrubs and then introduced it at the school I was working in, which had all-day breakfast for school dinner on Fridays, renamed brinner by me)
  • the last time I went out for brunch it was a three course meal with breakfast (eggs royale) as the starter, steak and veg for main and Eton mess for pudding (I've realised that while I would look for the dessert menu in a restaurant, I always call it pudding)
  • I go out for afternoon tea sometimes but I like a 'gentleman's tea' which is more savoury and includes gentleman's relish on toast
  • supper is usually only for after theatre or similar - late small meal from about 9.30/10pm onwards when you've been doing something else and haven't had time to eat. However, if someone invited me for supper, I would expect to turn up at normal dinner time (7ish) and eat one course, probably pasta or Welsh rarebit (pronounced rabbit) in the kitchen
  • Christmas dinner is always dinner, even though it's late lunch, at about 3pm

This all makes me realise that a) English is a barmy language and b) English people eat a lot!

derxa · 30/07/2018 07:54

OP This is like the pronunciation threads. Everyone on here speaks in an RP accent and all other accents are WRONG. Just stick to the SE of England middle class norms- breakfast lunch dinner.

WeAreEternal · 30/07/2018 08:00

I’m Northern but have lived all over the uk.

Breakfast is the morning meal.
Lunch is eaten at midday.
Dinner is the evening meal.
Supper in a light snack in the evening.

Tea is a drink.

Mousefunky · 30/07/2018 08:10

Not sure there is a one fits all throughout the country in all honesty. I’m in Yorkshire where it’s tea and lunch is quite often known as dinner (though I call it lunch) hence ‘dinner ladies’. I have met people who think you are talking about a drink when you say tea. Growing up, supper was what you had after tea but I also know it’s an upper class term for dinner/tea.