2nd child quandry

[itsabeautifulnight]

I'm 40 (just) and just cannot decide about a second child. My child is 4 and has lots of interaction with other children already - shows no signs of being adversely affected by having no sibling. However, I hate the thought my child is alone in the world if I get sick or die, but then I worry about money and financially providing for 2 children. We are comfortable no money issues but not rich and I worry about no pensions and providing for myself and two children. I just go round in circles and can't quite make peace with just having one but also freak out at the thought of two. My age is also a factor I'm permanently tired and see life as being so much easier with just one.

What is up with all these only children threads?

Only children families are becoming more common in the UK. It's certainly not a stigma anymore.

OP if you had another, there will be an big age gap and it's unlikely they will play together when they are younger. Have another child because YOU want too, not to do with leaving one alone when you die hehe.

We have an only because of secondary infertility but as our DS has got older I see so many advantages to having an only. I’ve seen a lot of friends really struggling with 2, both financially and enotionally. We have the funds to do a lot with our son. When he needed speech therapy we had the funds only because we weren’t paying for childcare for a sibling, we’ve had time to help him where he’s been struggling at school. There’s several onlies in his class all are lovely, I have to say the preconceptions people have about onlies are generally completely the opposite to what the reality is. But only you can decide what’s right

I'm an only child and I didn't like it when I was younger and would continuously ask for a brother or sister, to the point that I sent off for an adoption pack in my parents' names!
When we went for days out I always asked to take a friend.

I think being a singleton influenced my decision to have six children of my own. I fell pregnant at fifteen and although I didn't really want children that young I always knew I wanted children close in age, so I had three in 2.5 years, followed by another three four years later. My house now has the noise and chaos that I craved as a child.

@itsabeautifulnight
If the decision was taken away from you how would you feel? Relieved or disappoined?

If the former, perhaps its just guilt about your DC being an only child?

People talk a lot about the negatives of being an only child and there's an implication that parents choosing to do it this way are selfish, but there are some considerable benefits as far as I can see from my friends.

My godson is an only child (now 17) and he's always had a great relationship with his parents, was much more likely to join in with adult conversation from a young age, as interested in the world and read a lot, perhaps partly because he wasn't bickering with a sibling over whose turn it is to lay the table/sit in the front seat, etc. He's quite a quiet guy by nature but is lovely, funny and kind, and has loads of friends.
Lots of other examples too.

I'm TTC no.1 and I'm 39 so s/he is very likely to be an only (if I'm lucky enough to get pregnant at all). However my brother and sister had one in the last 6-12 months, and live close, so if I do have a kid, they will see a lot of their cousins.

Not saying it's not worth having. I have siblings, I love them and it's great we get on, but I don't think my life would automatically have been terrible if they weren't in the picture. Just different.

I've always thought that if you don't know of you want a child (either 1st, 2nd or whatever) then you don't, really. If you really wanted one, you'd know it. If you're not sure, you don't really want one.

It's not something you should do ambivalently, imo

I have the same dilemma. I hated the baby stage so much I didn't even begin to consider a second until dd now 4. I'm only starting to think I could possibly do the baby stage again to get the child on the other side. But I think a lot of it is feeling like I ought to. What I would say is age gap wise they could well still play together. My brother was 5 years older than me and we played together loads.