To ask if this inappropriate enough to be raised with a manager

[Stuckinthis]

Long story short - my manager bitches about her colleagues to other colleagues on the same level. Just that really.

Colleague A is in a relationship with the manager’s DS. The manager talks about the relationship in the office to some colleagues. She makes disparaging comments about the colleague A as apparently the relationship isn’t going well. Colleague A is very private and never discusses personal life at work.

I keep out of it, but colleague A found out her personal life is discussed in office. Asked me if I’d be saying another (as colleague A is a friend and we sometimes meet for drinks). I said no and told her who had. Now manager has sent a text to another member of the team bitching about me.

I don’t want to be in any involved with this but I was also not prepared to lie when asked directly. I don’t like this is school like drama and don’t know what to do about it.

Other than look for a new job (not ideal as I have a very good working pattern and lots of flexibility for childcare), what would you do? Should I raise this as an issue?

Just realised post is a bit confusing. This is my manager. She is bitching about her direct reports to her direct reports.

If you have proof go to her manager or HR

Yes, this is completely inappropriate from a line manager. It's not a great way to behave at work whether you're a manager or not. Have you seen the bitchy texts yourself? It would be easier to raise if you can quote the text she sent about you.

You could raise this informally with another manager, so they can have a 'quiet word' with her; or you could formally go to her line manager.

If you don't have evidence of the texts, she might deny sending them however the fact you are raising this indicate that there's a bad atmosphere in your team which needs addressing.

I only have ‘he said, she said’ type of proof. Colleague B messaged me saying be careful what I say to Colleague A as she had a private text message last night accusing me of ‘twisting the knife in’. I haven’t seen the actual message in question. Is that kind of thing enough?

I'd say it highly depends on the company and how the view these types of things. If it was a small, tight knit, family type business it could well backfire on you. If it's a larger company with set HR procedures for these types of things, than you could probably make a complaint.

Relying on hearsay isn't always safe. Are you confident that colleague B. isn't just stirring trouble?

I am absolutely sure Colleague B is telling the truth as she had no way of knowing the conversation I’d had with Colleague A.

And even if we ignored that, the manager is still discussing personal information about Colleague A in the office in front of me.

It is a big Public Sector company. However we work in HR!

I hate this. I just want to get on with job without the drama.

I know just how you feel about wanting to do your job without getting embroiled in drama. This is exactly what your manager should be enabling you to do.

The inappropriate conversations about colleague A are something you have first hand evidence of, so I think you should make those the focus of the action you take.

Raise it with another manager - either one of your manager's peers, or her manager and present it very factually, with examples of what she has said, and state it makes you feel uncomfortable and concerned about your own information remaining confidential. You can say that you feel morale in the team is low and that there's a general lack of trust due to this behaviour.