To not want to be godparent

[BeenThereDone]

A close friend has asked me to be godparent to their newborn dd.

I am actually quite pointedly non religious and didn't even get my own dc baptised. I was confused and asked her why, knowing my stance and that I'd probably burst into flames if I even entered a church 😁. She told me she's thinks I would be a good role model and look out for her dd. I feel I don't need to be a godparent to do this and I would feel uneasy and highly hypocritical to stand in church and swear to help bring the child up in that religion and shun the devil etc...
Her answer was it was just words, doesn't really mean anything and she understands my reasons but would still like me to do it..
Religion is not a particularly huge thing for her, just ceremonies (baptisms, weddings, funerals) just the done thing in her family..

I can't seem to make her see it quite like I do. I respect peoples religious choices and would never criticise anyone for what they believe but at the same time I can't stand there and mouth words... Just seems wrong. Aibu

Wally - I'm a shit Godmother too!

You have to be a baptised Christian to stand as a godparent anyway, would that fact get you out of it?

Of course a church would let you. DH has two godchildren (soon to be three) and although he went to a Catholic school, he doesn't follow religion at all now and is quite against it.

If she understands your stance then I would just do it anyway.

This is about the friendship. This is not about your ethics or even the child (until later on.) I think refusing on the basis of compromising your principles in front of a (non existent) entity shows that your attitude to the friendship is half hearted. If you love your friend, you do it.

I get where you are coming from. That said, my brother is a staunch atheist but he is also godfather to his best friend’s son. Standing up in church saying the words is only something you need to do for a few minutes. The relationship you can have with the child afterwards can be long lasting and very special. I don’t think it’s quite the same if you’re not their godparent. I don’t think my brother would be so involved in his godson’s life (and they live far away) if he was just his best friend’s kid.

I asked a very non-religious friend to be a godparent for my DS, he very politely declined, explaining that he just couldn’t stand at the front and say the words in a church. I totally understood and tbh felt a bit of a twat asking him afterwards! It hasn’t affected our relationship at all! I think you just need explain your reasoning! Though a wine buddy sounds amazing!

My friend declined to be my daughter's Godparent for the same reason. I was really hurt and it felt like a rejection of dd and of our friendship. I felt I had misjudged our friendship by asking and that my friend didn't see me as I saw her.

Since then, she has agreed to be Godparent to someone else's child. She didn't enjoy it though, wasn't comfortable and felt she couldn't say no. Seeing how uncomfortable she was I wouldn't want her to be Godparent to mine. I haven't had dd Christened as a result though and still feel bad when I think about it.

OP I think that you are showing more respect for the Christian faith than your photo-op-Christian friend, and it reflects well on your integrity.
This ^^. It's supposed to be about faith, not keeping people happy and having a celebratory party.

OP I think that you are showing more respect for the Christian faith than your photo-op-Christian friend, and it reflects well on your integrity.

This ^

I am appalled and rather saddened how many people are actually saying it is OK to stand and make formal promises to do something you have no intention of doing and at the number who think this is ok.
Not even from a pov of respecting someone else's beliefs, but on a pure human level of honesty. It's quite shocking really.
Do posters really think it is ok to say "I promise to do X,Y,Z" when they have no intention of doing so ?

Whilst you should feel pleased to have been asked, I think the answer should be no. As a Christian myself.

When Gyles Brandreth introduced the law allowing places such as castles to be wedding venues, I was very pleased that those with no real faith or none at all could marry without having to make promises in a Church they had no intention of visiting again.