Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I should leave him :-/

39 replies

Supermummy101 · 28/07/2018 21:06

I'm splitting form my partner - we have been together 2 years but there are very reasons but nothing big- just things like we don't seem to get on like we should and we don't make each other laugh and he's a little arrogant + obsessed with saving all his money to build his huge pension. He doesn't treat me to the odd weekend away (I know that sounds old fashioned!).

Overall I just don't feel madly in love with him and like hes my best friend/soul mate.

Anyway because there is no big reason.. no lying cheating or abuse I'm constantly doubting my decision and I feel sad.

Is it enough to go with your gut and end it even though you're not sure you should?! A huge part of my fears is not meeting anyone else (I'm 36 and not exactly an oil painting!).. :-/ I'm also conscious this could mean no second baby for me which is sad.

Has anyone else been in a situation like that and petrified of letting go of a good man for no real reason and then had a happy ending? X

OP posts:
LoveIsNotInTheAir · 29/07/2018 01:56

If you never really were in love with him to begin with then leave him! If you were then it might be worth trying to work through it!

1forAll74 · 29/07/2018 02:26

I think that this relationship sounds a trite strange,because of how you speak about your partner,and the things that he says to you,But not really great reasons to end it all.unless you cannot stand to live with these issues..
I always think its very sad when someone is obsessed with saving money big time,as it can spoil there life in some way,as in missing out on nicer things, But I had a partner years ago,who did not give a shit about money,he wasted what he had, never got a proper job, got into debt, I lent him £5000 to deal with things,then he shacked up with some dumbo woman elsewhere,and I never saw the loaned money again.

Monty27 · 29/07/2018 05:37

You sound miserable. Move on to happeir days.

usernameismyusername · 29/07/2018 05:46

Nothing more unattractive than being a Scrooge. I feel embarrassed for him.

carolinemcmillan1 · 29/07/2018 05:57

Leave him.
I have stayed unhappily married for 20 years. I am lonely and depressed, I have stayed for the children, but it gets harder and harder , and I so regret not leaving when they were young.

You don't need a BIG reason to leave, if you don't love and care for him deeply and then don't spend the rest of your life with him, not even for a second child. good luck x

Homebird8 · 29/07/2018 06:10

The reasons aren’t small. You don’t agree on how to handle money and how much to spend on the here and now and how much to protect your future. He’ll be a rich lonely old man. And you’ll have a head full of memories and friends and will be the richer for it.

toyoungtodie · 29/07/2018 06:31

It’s not fair to not give him and yourself a chance of changing. Please have a conversation with him about your relationship, otherwise he will never know what was the problem. Moving on to someone else may just throw up the same problems.
I have been married for 44 years and it’s had its troughs, mainly because of our different characters. Sometimes now I feel really madly in love and other times I feel like killing him. I have had months of thinking my life was boring and so was he. Having children, losing my job, moving around with his job, and making what felt like huge sacrifices, didn’t help my ‘ being in love’
That’s life.. it can be boring, irritating, great, exciting, shite happens, etc
I think if you find someone who fits you in every way exactly .....then you are very lucky.

Maliali · 29/07/2018 06:42

If you feel like this now, multiply it by 100 in 10 years time. People don’t change (unless they really see the need to and really want to). There’s prudent and downright tight. There’s a lot of difference. And pompous and arrogant sound awful. My ex H was both of those and The more I realised I had settled for someone wrong, those worse those two traits seemed. It’s time to call it quits. I hope you do meet someone more compatible but in the meantime it’s true that you can feel lonelier with the wrong person than you can on your own.

trojanpony · 29/07/2018 07:57

He founds like an utter nightmare and this comment is VERY telling

He said he didn't want to be taken advantage of or taken for a ride.

He is one of those blokes who thinks women are users out to fleece him of his hard earned cash. Thus he is in a perpetual state of defending his money from you.
If you mention/discuss how wierd he is about money he will just see it as evidence that, yes, all women DO want to take his money.
I wouldn’t give him a chance to change - he doesn’t want to change

Sack him off ASAP.
The arrogance is a turn off and the meaness with money won’t improve even when the mortgage is paid and he has more cash flow - you’ll have to have budget holidays or subsidise him because he will think whatever it is you are suggesting is too extravagant. Day to day he’ll be harassing you for the 67p you owe him for a pack of gum you asked for at the newsagents.
It’s no way to live

Original poster
Supermummy101 · 29/07/2018 08:20

I think you're right trojan. I think he could be a nightmare. He comments if I come home with food shop with new 5p bags.. "I hope you've not bought those".. ie if I forget to pack bags and waste a few 5ps on bags he comments.

He's also said in the past about where to shop. I told him sometimes I don't always bargain hunt.. I work full time and times limited.. occasionally it's convenience to shop in Co op and yes it's more than say Lidl! He said if we got married etc he'd not be happy with me wasting our money on a coop shop when I could have gone somewhere cheaper.. it sounds sort of reasonable(not wasting our money) but I think would irritate me

OP posts:
usernameismyusername · 29/07/2018 09:23

He's also said in the past about where to shop. I told him sometimes I don't always bargain hunt.. I work full time and times limited.. occasionally it's convenience to shop in Co op and yes it's more than say Lidl! He said if we got married etc he'd not be happy with me wasting our money on a coop shop when I could have gone somewhere cheaper..*

He doesn't value your time. Your time is valuable. I wouldn't waste it trying to save him 5p. I wouldn't waste it on him at all.

trojanpony · 30/07/2018 19:20

I’m a “money saver” and try to reuse bags (more for the environment than anything else) but I couldn’t get worked up over buying some 5p bags.

I would seriously reconsider this relationship, as long term he will make everything a misery.

Noodles4Me · 30/07/2018 19:30

The 5p bag thing. You've posted about this guy many many times haven't you? But you don't leave. Is it because of hoping for another baby? You are wasting your life and you are miserable. A baby with this dude will be hideous. Imagine how he will limit that poor child's life.

hazell42 · 30/07/2018 20:27

When I was with my first husband I used to fantasise about him dying. Not killing him, you understand, just him dying suddenly and me holding his hand. I went to the grave every day and was properly grief-stricken. It was years (slow learner) before I realised that what I was actually fantasising about was the end of my relationship to a man who, while decent enough, bored the pants off me.
When I finally saw it for what it was, I left and although at the time I felt bad about it - I didn't want to hurt him - in the long run it was definitely for the best.
You don't love him anymore. You may never have loved him. Leave and enjoy the rest of your life. You never know, he may feel exactly the same way too

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread