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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not cook for my son?

52 replies

TheHalfBloodPrincess · 28/07/2018 20:48

Ds is 13. If he’s out with his friends he has to be in at 9pm but he normally pops back for dinner at 5:30 when it’s ready.

I have a sinus infection and really cba to cook tonight so I just made things on toast for me, dd(14) and ds2(1) Ds didn’t come home until 6:45, just as I was getting the baby out of the bath, and threw the biggest strop ever because I hadn’t made him anything to eat. I told him what we’d had and said he was welcome to make himself some, as I was about to feed then put the baby to bed. He point blank refused to, and now the baby is asleep we’re in a stand off. He’s stomping about saying he’s hungry and that he’s reporting me to childline if I don’t cook for him as it means I’m neglecting him. I’ve just run myself a hot bath and am sitting in the steamy bathroom to try and clear my head.

AIBU to just leave him with no dinner? He’s the most stubborn child I’ve ever met and I know 100% he will not make himself any food to try and prove a point, whereas I think at 13 he’s more than capable of toasting some bread and bunging some beans in the microwave.

(He is actually quite a good cook and fends for himself when I’m at work)

OP posts:
YouTheCat · 28/07/2018 21:45

Let him strop. It's only him that'll be hungry.

Enjoy your bath and I hope your sinuses are better soon.

diddl · 28/07/2018 21:47

Of course you don't need to cook for him!

Can't believe that the 14yr old didn't cook for you though!

GnotherGnu · 28/07/2018 21:50

@Amanduh, why should OP make dinner for him? Did you miss the fact that she's ill and he came home late?

Summersup · 28/07/2018 21:53

When I have a migraine, my children sometimes have to fend for themselves in the cooking dep't, they make noodles, pasta, wraps, that type of stuff. They don't starve, and neither will your son. It's fine to let him know you are ill and can't cook tonight, he should be helping/taking care of you if you are ill, not having a massive strop (e.g. he could make you a cup of tea, unstack the dishwasher).

Mine can be stroppy, but not when I'm ill, that's an 'all hands on deck' time.

fartyghost · 28/07/2018 21:53

DS (13) says he can't call childline and he is being a bit of an arsehole when his mum is ill and he has chosen not to come back when he knows dinner is ready so he should stop being a bit of a prick.

Feel free to show your DS Grin

WorraLiberty · 28/07/2018 21:55

'Childline'? Do kids even say that any more?

He needs to grow up. He's 13, not 3.

longwayoff · 28/07/2018 22:08

Yes he is only 13 and he would not be getting anything to eat from me after behaving in such a disgusting way to his mother. What kind of husband are you raising? We'd be having words. Lots of them. One of those words would be sorry. And he wouldn't do it twice.

Aintnothingbutaheartache · 28/07/2018 22:13

He’s hangry.
If he’s old enough to stay out with his mates till 9pm then he’s old enough to heat up some beans

Willow2017 · 28/07/2018 22:20

Let him strop lazy bugger.

My 13yr old makes tea for him and his older brother when i work evenings. Sure yours can manage beans on toast😀

My eldest tries quoting 'The Rights of the Child' --ad infinitum-' at me after school rabbiting on about it to them. I tell him if he wants rights to do what the freak he wants, when he wants he can get his own place. My house isnt a democracy😉 my house my rules. He thinks having to do anything more than one 5 min thing a day in the house is child abuse😁😁 and i have handed him the phone to call child line before, funnily enough he never has. Call his bluff.

lostlemon · 28/07/2018 22:22

Bloody hell, agree with Longwayoff, what a digusting attitude. Seriously OP you need to teach him some respect.

Leeds2 · 28/07/2018 22:25

What happened in the end?

ineedaholidaynow · 28/07/2018 22:29

Perverse 5.30 seems early to me as DS doesn't get home from school before then and DH doesn't get in from work until 6.30 at the earliest, so we wouldn't eat until at least 7.00pm

I am not excusing OP's son's behaviour by the way.

Original poster
TheHalfBloodPrincess · 29/07/2018 08:12

Thanks for all your replies. I had a lovely bath and went straight to bed.

Yes, he is a brat. He’s just come back from spending the week with his dad and he always acts up for a while after.

I came downstairs this morning to pizza boxes in the recycling bin so he’s obviously got his dad to order him a pizza.

Will be talking to him about his attitude later.

We’ve always eaten at 5:30 - it’s not too early for us.

OP posts:
brizzledrizzle · 29/07/2018 08:19

Yes, he is a brat. He’s just come back from spending the week with his dad and he always acts up for a while after.

Ah, now it makes sense. He's not a brat, I think it's normal for some challenging behaviour when they come back from the NRP to be honest, seen that myself here. His dad probably waits on him hand and foot and enables this behaviour. He's still old enough to know better but it must be hard for him leaving his dad to come home no matter how good home and you are. His behaviour is bratty though.

brizzledrizzle · 29/07/2018 08:21

Oh, and his dad should stop ordering food for him like that, he's being an interfering twat who is overstepping the mark massively.

BillywilliamV · 29/07/2018 08:23

Dont stop him going out though, who wants that round the place all day?

Urbanbeetler · 29/07/2018 08:32

His dad has undermined you seriously here. What a dipstick - does he really think he’s doing his son any favours? I would be incandescent with rage - at the dad. And pretty mad at the son.

TheBlueDot · 29/07/2018 08:37

Ah if he’s just back from his dad, I think he’s wanting reassurance that you still love him. He’s probably thinking (in his teenage brain) mum made food for other DC, she’s being unfair by not making me food. His teenage brain won’t compute that he wasn’t home on time.

Original poster
TheHalfBloodPrincess · 29/07/2018 08:40

Not stopping him going out! I’d rather him be somewhere else when he’s in one of these moods!

His dad has form for undermining me but tbh I see this as a battle won, and take comfort that he put the boxes in the recycling instead of leaving them on the side.

(There are 3 slices left in the fridge - so so tempted to eat them for breakfast Grin)

OP posts:
brizzledrizzle · 29/07/2018 08:45

Ah if he’s just back from his dad, I think he’s wanting reassurance that you still love him. He’s probably thinking (in his teenage brain) mum made food for other DC, she’s being unfair by not making me food. His teenage brain won’t compute that he wasn’t home on time.

This. His behaviour doesn't seem so bad now that we know the circumstances, obviously it's still unacceptable but it's more understandable now. Poor lad, and poor you. His Dad deserves a verbal rocket though, what a dick.

drwitch · 29/07/2018 08:50

My Ds (same age) went through a stage of stropping about food if he was hangry. Wrong sort of soup, I need a proper meal etc. Was horrible but stage seems to have passed now, we needed to get him to eat something so he could approach the problem rationaly.

smurfy2015 · 29/07/2018 10:15

Unless he has a severely low BMI, diabetes or other medical conditions, he could go to bed hungry as far as I'm concerned. There was cooked food at X time, he knew what time but didn't come back for it.

He will be hungry but should live.

There is food in the house so it's not unreasonable for a 13-year-old to make himself some toast and empty a tin of beans into a microwaveable container. 5 mins tops and he has beans and toast, and if can multi-task and boil the kettle, he could have tea as well. He didn't have to go to the shops and organise groceries either.

His dad as NRP should not be giving in to him as an out that's unreasonable so everytime he CBA making toast/heating up beans, is his dad going to bankroll him and Just Eat delivery etc, he will be broke very fast and DS will eat a totally crap diet.

At 13 years old, it is not unreasonable for to expect him to be able to make "things" on toast as a basic, just like you had yourself and other DC and you are ill

He has a lot of life skills to catch up on, else he is going to starve in his own mess in the future.

You are DNBU

bsbabas · 29/07/2018 10:25

I used to be soo happy when my mum didn't cook she was soo bad at it. Herbs were evil and flavour was the devil.

Original poster
TheHalfBloodPrincess · 29/07/2018 10:46

This is what’s annoying. He is a good cook. Wants to be a chef when he finishes school! He normally cooks a few times a week so could have made himself a 3 course meal if he wanted - it wasn’t limited to beans on toast, that’s just what we all had.

For whoever asked, dd is poorly too which is why she didn’t cook.

Seems I got the wrong end of the stick. Just spoke to his dad and he said that he told ds to stop being a twat and make himself some food but when ds wouldn’t, his dad ordered him the pizza but made it clear it was coming out of his next months pocket money (he puts it in my account for them on the 15th of the month) So now ds will have less spending money for our holiday.

OP posts:
ineedaholidaynow · 29/07/2018 11:54

If he is a good cook, could he make something in the day, which you can then reheat when you eat, and he can reheat if he wants to stay out later with his mates?

Am glad his dad was on your side too

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