Is my partner doing more than his fair share?

[Beautifulblue]

OH got a bit snappy with me earlier & I sense he feels his doing more than his fair share when it comes to our 1 year old daughter. So is he?
He works 9-5.30 Monday-Friday. I'm a SAHM but have just started looking for a part time job. I'm obviously with DD when his at work, I cook dinner & do the shopping & cleaning. When he gets home about 6, either one of us will give her dinner (but I cook it) then primarily he will bath her. Then at bed time, I will try to get her to sleep first with breast/bottle but if that doesn't work (it often doesn't) he rocks her on his knees (don't ask but it works) am I asking him to do to much in the evening? She's normally asleep by 8 at the latest (normally!) so we both have a few hours to chill out. Genuinely not sure if I'm taking the piss or if his being unreasonable. What do you think?

Options for sleep training BTW are NOT just cry it out vs take them into bed with you.

Have a look at Elizabeth Pantley's no cry sleep stuff. Or Sarah Ockwell-Smith. Or gradual retreat. Or ssssh-pat, or the baby whisperer, or the happiest baby on the block, or Dr. Sears. There are lots and lots of in between options - it's not a choice between the two extremes. I'm not comfortable with crying methods either - there is so much out there these days, though, that it's absolutely not the only option.

Good luck :)

Yes you do!! You just want to sleeeeep

My H also works in a warehouse and he is exhausted when he gets in. It is a physical job and he walks over 15 miles a day sometimes. If your partner is just working in the office section then obviously it is different. The knee rocking thing could be uncomfortable depending how active he has been. Would rocking of any other type simulate it and help?

So I don’t think he is doing too much and should do more when you start work, but I do sympathise a little if he does a similar job to my H.

Is your baby lying on front or back on your knee?

I used to put mine on her front on a birth ball when she had colic.

When she got a bit older and was just fussing for ages before sleep, a baby swing helped a lot.

Have re read and yours is a bit older.

You'll find something that works, between you.

Tricky phases with babies seem like they last forever but they pass.

Im a sahm to 1 & 6 year old. He'll bath them maybe twice a week. He gives me a long lie on a Saturday and sometimes during the week if im exhausted. He puts the bin out on a Thursday and empties the dish washer on a Saturday. He also gets the kids ready every morning so I can get ready in peace. He goes to gym 3-4 nights a week.

That's it, I think. Im often exhausted from all the house work, childcare, laundry, cooking, shopping, running the house.

Im not sure what the solution is however as he does have an extremely stressful job and I did too but gave it up as his career progressed as I was so unhappy working so much.

Now im just grateful I get time with my kids and he handles the stress of his job in a way I know I could never do. Im talking meetings with CEOs, constant pressure, hundreds of indirect colleagues below him.
He works from home and never actually signs off. He often works whilst im relaxing watching tv.

If your OH isn't working under such pressure or so constantly then he absolutely needs to be doing more. Maybe start a Rota. I feel my OH responds more when I say monday do x, tuesday do y.. he doesn't seem to realise what needs done.

I'm a SAHM and my son is almost 2. My dp works from home and keeps his own hours, but it's usually 9-6. During the week I do shopping, cooking, laundry, cleaning, childcare. We take it in turns to give DS his bath and put him to bed in the evening. We take it in turns to wash up and clean the kitchen after dinner. On the weekends we take it in turns to sleep in, housework and childcare is split 50:50, I usually still cook. When I go back to work next year we will split everything 50:50. I definitely don't think your dp is doing too much. I usually treat being a SAHM like a job (I know that's a cardinal sin in MN!) So when my dp is at work, I'm "at work". When he's off work, I'm "off work". I'll do everything for our son and home while he's working as that's my "job". When he isn't working it's 50:50 as we've both "finished work". I believe (and he agrees) that looking after our son and home is as exhausting and time consuming as the job he does. I appreciate this isn't true for everyone's circumstances - if dp worked long shifts/ hard manual labour/ stressful high pressure work etc, then I would extend my own "work hours" to compensate. The goal is basically is to both end up working an equal number of hours and having an equal amount of down time.

So...he goes to work, comes home does no cleaning shopping or cooking EVER but rocks the baby to sleep. Is that right?
What exactly do you think he's doing too much of?
I mean, other than putting the baby to sleep, what more could you possibly be doing?
So, no. In answer to your question.

No, he isn't doing his fair share
I would suggest sitting down when DC isn't there to distract you and talking.
Point out that when you go back to work, it will be much easier if the house is already in a routine where you're both doing your share and if your work means you can't do dinner and bed, then getting used to it now makes it easier in the long run.
Suggest that while one of you does bath, the other is tidying up after dinner and doing dishes etc. Then the tidier does bottle and bed and the other person gets 30 mins to potter, filling nappy bag, laundry etc. And then switch roles the next night.
And also suggest that he takes on cooking every Tuesday night so that DC doesn't grow up thinking their DF can't cook.

@HolyPieter, really? He is at work in what sounds like a fairly manual job. He will be watched all day to make sure he is performing to standard and if he spends a few to many minutes in the loo he will be questioned about it!
OP on the other hand can take a break whenever she likes, if she doesn't fancy cleaning that day she doesn't have to do it. Basically she sorts her own schedule.
Comparing a SAHM to someone in full-time work is ridiculous

I used to rock my child to sleep (and sing too) i considered it precious time. It did go on for years, but it one of my special memories. Encourage him to see it as a pecious time and not a chore.

Is the issue the fact that when your attempts to get her to sleep fail, you hand her to him to try for up to 2 hours?

I'd be pissed off at being the default knee rocker. But then he should try your idea of doing bedtime later.

Oh dunno where I got the 2 hours from?!

I can sympathise with you. When j was on maternity leave I felt like I was expected to do everything house/baby related, with DP's role being simply to being home paycheck. It's silly. 6pm to bedtime should be 50/50.