No routine for 3 month old

[shockedandsurprised]

I have a 3 month old baby. We're currently entirely baby-led. Baby eats, sleeps, plays on demand. My friends have all implemented bedtime routines involving bath/story/lullaby/feed/sleep. I feel like ds is too young for this and doesn't understand bedtime stories etc. We have a rough routine that ds has fallen into by himself and I feel we can nudge him into a more settled routine in a few months

Aibu to not implement a bedtime routine? Does everybody do this with young babies?

I have a four month old and have let her be entirely baby led. Literally in the last month she's developed her own routine.
I do attempt to do a story in the evening though before her "big sleep" which is usually following a feed around 8pm.

I think the thing about having a new baby is you are so very isolated, you get influenced by a tiny group of peers.

I didn't know anyone who had routines for a three month old. But I had friends who said it was 'the norm' for their ante-natal/NCT/whatever groups; I had friends who told me everyone is 'baby led,' I had all sorts.

The truth is that you see a very small snapshot. If one or two people you know speak out strongly in favour of one way of parenting or another, likely their voices will dominate. But in reality I suspect it's all much more about muddling through and doing what works at the time.

I never had a routine (at least that I set) with my children until much later an even then it's more flexible than most.

Do watever works for ur family 👍🏻

The only routine we had with baby at that age was the evening bath which my DH always looked forward to doing with DC after work. He would then take over cuddling and looking after until we went to bed.
You're enjoying your baby that's the main thing. There is plenty of time for routine, once you return to work or the DC start school. Then it's routine for way too many years.

Also, the thing is that routines kind of get enforced a bit when it’s not your first baby so if they’ve already had children that will change.

For example, with my first we were entirely baby led. No routine as such until he settled into his own one but he fed / napped on demand completely. My third was fed on demand but napped at 9am and 3pm because that was when he was in the buggy and I was doing the school run.

We’ve had a routine with both DC from a really young age and it’s worked for us all. I know a lot of people who don’t though. I honestly believe it’s whatever works for you; it’s so easy to look at what others do but you know your little one more than anybody in the world, you’re doing the very best and what’s right for them every day. YANBU at all. Keep doing what you’re doing

My son is almost 7 months now, and I’d say by about 5-6 months we’d fallen onto a routine. It was all fairly baby led - I didn’t think we had a routine until we went on holiday and it got disrupted! IMO 3 months is far too young to worry about it. The no cry sleep solution book is goodon routines - she basically says under 6 months don’t worry too much

I have a routine with 4 month old DS and have done for most of his life but it is entirely baby-led. He is like clockwork with feeding and sleeping and fell into a great routine on his own. I'm actually dreading the day it all changes🙄😂
Don't worry about other people and their babies. Each baby is different and if your baby thrives on doing what he wants when he wants then stick with it x

Just do what works best both for your child and for your family! Some children need routine and some families need it.
We have always been pretty baby led with DS.. he still at 3yo doesnt have a specific bedtime, just goes when hes tired (unless we have to be up for a certain time and then ill point this out to him and suggest a specific time he should start getting ready for bed)
Certainly didnt have any 'bedtime' at all at 3 months. He was still in our bedroom with us and at the time we lived in a flat where the bed and sitting room were one and the same... and so we would watch films etc in there meaning the lights went out when we were going to sleep.. usually around midnight.
He slept through the night (9 to 10 hour stretches) from 6 months so it hasnt seemed to have effected his ability to sleep. And he slept in his own room from then too.
The only 'routine' he really has is that he will brush his teeth and wash his hands and face every night before bed then he gets to pick two story books to have read to him and he can pick three songs to be sung to him. He also has to put away his toys on the shelf before having his stories read to him. But theres no specific times to any of that.

Thanks so much for all your reassuring responses! Makes me feel much better. I've been worried I'm letting him down by not being an organised routine-led mum

ds does go to sleep between 10-11 every night, at the moment we all go to bed together, I feed ds in bed with just a nightlight and then put him in his cot when he's asleep. This is also a nice chance for dh and I to talk about our days. It's one of my favourite times of day so really don't want to give it up!

Also very aware, as pp said, we've got a lifetime of routines ahead of us so don't really want to rush into one

I had a 'routine' of bath, feed, book, bed from very early. Also we completely differentiated night from day, so although he woke many times at night to feed, there was no prolonged interaction (definitely no interactive talking, only comforting whispery-talk), and I had a special 25w bulb to keep the light low. Obviously, when I was going mad with lack of sleep, this went to the extreme - I vividly remember berating my now ex-husband, 'it's night-time - don't look into his eyes!!!'

As it got to the 3 month mark, I was doing Tracey Hogg's pseudo-routine of sleep, feed, play, sleep - but I did sleep, feed, play, feed, sleep (greedy non-sleeping baby). Sometimes he'd miss the after-sleep feed, but generally he needed to feed to become sleepy.

At about the same time, I became a slave to a routine of son's own devising, where we had to go out every day for at least 2 hours at around 10.30am. I became very acquainted with outlet shopping centres.

I was entirely baby led by each of my 3 dcs but found that by about 16 to 20 weeks they had each found their own rhythm/routine. 3 months is still very young so just go with your instincts and enjoy those precious tiny baby moments.

im still child led and they are nearly 8 and 14,ive always done things my way not how society thinks you should do things

been this way since birth, in fact my youngest went through 11 oz every hour from a new born hospital insisted he has 2oz a time but he was very hungry from birth so i always gave him how much he wanted,he wasnt a small newborn anyway he was nearly 9 llbs and 24 inches long,

i never had a hv as i opted out from the start, chose to cosleep from birth(still am with youngest)with both,neither of them have ever slept in a cot or mosses basket or had a pram.

neither boys have never been left with a babysitter snd as a family of 4 we spend 24 hours together

we even home educate as i dont agree with the school system and the way its run and the way kids are meant to conform and toe the line from a very young age,my boys do have multiple disabilities each

we live a very different life style to the world,we sleep when we want wake up when we want and eat when we want

you do what you thinks best,bugger anyone elses opinion or what society thinks the norm