Grand parents

[mummyto2girlies]

I am a mum of 2 girlies, oldest is 7 youngest is 2. My partners mother moved and 8 hour drive away when my oldest daughter was 3 years old. His mother moved away to be with her new boyfriend. They try and visit us every 8 to 10 weeks but my youngest daughter doesn't know them very well. My partner is starting to insist that when they come up I let them take the kids out by them selves which I'm not comfortable with. His mother has health issues and her partner isn't the fittest to be running after kids. I love my kids but they can be a handful at times. Am I being unreasonable to not let them take them by themselves? By youngest is weary of strangers and is at the stage of being clingy to my mam and dad. My parents look after my children regularly and have done since they were babies as we both work full time. They know their routines and know how I expect them to behave. I have offered a compromise of them spending the day with my parents and the kids so they can see how they behave without us there and then to eventually lead to them maybe taking them alone.

I'd have thought if they only see you once every 2 months or so, they'd want to see their ds as well.
Where exactly are they planning to 'take them' ?
If they are staying with you the weekend, and get up to go to the corner shop to stretch their legs, I'd be quite happy for them to ask if anyone wants to come with them, and leave it to the dc to decide.
If they want to go out for a full day trip somewhere, then I'd just say I wanted to go too.
I wouldn't have them "shadow" you parents. that is rather insulting to their parenting skills and totally odd for your parents too. Either they are fit well, healthy and safe enough to have your dc, or they aren't. If it is just a matter of not knowing your 'routine', then that doesn't matter when grandparents come down to give grandchildren a 'treat day out' - Grandparents are supposed to spoil their grandchildren - that's their job.

Ridiculous idea , it’s not essential for grandparents to be alone with grandchildren and certainly won’t help your younger daughter to bond if she’s anxious about it .

My daughter sees her grandparents 1-2x a year and I have no problem letting them take her to the shops etc. No full days as neither grandparents are able enough to do so thanks to health and age.

We skype on a regular basis and she speaks to my mum on the phone.

I would encourage short trips to the shops or letting them alone in a coffee shop while you or your DH pops somewhere else for some to,e. Build it up slowly and maybe start with the older one first.

2 is a difficult age but I would work on it in general.

Do they actively engage with them? My PIL love playing board games with DD, we could leave them for hours playing Ludo or my mum loves playing UNO with DD. That builds a bond.

Take them as in out for the day, they aren't happy with a walk to the shops as they don't like where we live. They normally take them where they want to go not anywhere the kids would enjoy or be occupied in going. Normally I plan for my OH to be off to go with them and him see his mum for the day. I realise it could be seen as insulting for them to shadow my parents but these are people who saw no problem in giving my 8 week old ice cream and gravy (cue a scene from the excorist) I have many reasons to doubt there capability to handle my kids alone. My partner just sees me as bring unreasonable and obstructive.

Why do some relatives seem fixated on being alone with babies and toddlers/ children?

It's weird.

I don't mean that in a paedophile paranoia way, but it's weird in a possessive way. It's not something that needs accommodation.

A relationship with grandparents should be accommodated unless the grandparents are a risk to the children (alcoholics, abused own kids etc) but relationships don't require sole charge of a 2 year old, nor a 7 year old. there is no reason they need to take them alone until that happens naturally. Insisting on it makes them weird. It's make me less, not more, likely to put myself out to facilitate the relationship.

I agree, forcing the issue is making me less likely to say yes to it. They seem put out my fact my parents have them alone regularly. But this is a necessity not something I would do unless I have too. They seem to forget the days they come up and want to take them are my days off with my kids too, I certainly don't want to work all week without seeing them then give up my day with them too

Your DP is bu and you know it. He’d rather your youngest was distressed so his parents are happy? Why not take a day’s leave and all go out together for a nice day? It’s what my family would do.

What is this fixation with taking grandchildren out alone? Why on earth don't they want to see their son too?

No, you're not unreasonable. Children should be taken out by people who know them well.

I swear, it's some kind of childish mindness taking the middle aged by storm.

Crikey they sound a bit like my inlaws who thought that my then 3yo would enjoy going to an apple fair / cider tasting day , needless to say we declined the offer . Sounds like you have a bit of a dp problem as well as an inlaw problem .

Sounds the easiest thing would be to pretend you so love the family to be all together on their visits