AIBU or is he not that into me?

[Unreasonablegirlfriendyesorno]

I am a little sensitive because of my dating past, so never sure whether I am judging unfairly based on that, hence coming on here for a second opinion.

My boyfriend and I have been together for 10 months, it is all going well. We live an hour away from each other and he doesn't have a car, I also have children so it can be difficult to get together. We haven't seen each other for 3 weeks.

I am driving to see him on Sunday at his place but can't stay over as I have a new puppy, and I have offered for him to come back with me to from Mon - Wed and told him he could borrow my car to go to work (which he has done many times in the past as his work is only 40 minutes drive from where I work). He has said he can't do this as he has arranged a dinner with some colleagues from work on the Wednesday, so wouldn't be able to return the car to me.

I am a little upset because I feel like he should want to spend those additional three days/evenings with me, and why not just limit the alcohol on the meal out so that you can drive back? Surely at this stage in our relationship he should be chomping at the bit to want to see me as much as possible, especially considering that we don't get together very often. There have been occasions where I haven't drank so I can see him. It just seems like an excuse on his part because he doesn't really want to see me.

I haven't confronted him about it because I don't want to come across as controlling or needy and I would never tell him what to do/who to see/whether or not to drink. To me its just a warning sign that perhaps he is not that into me and I should probably cut my losses?

As a one off I wouldn’t read anything into it. He has plans so it doesn’t fit in.

Hard to say based on one incident. What’s the rest of your relationship like? Do you feel that you’re always making more of an effort or is it an equal split?

Could he stay with you until Tuesday as he plans on Wednesday?

I think 10 months in its good to make time to see your own friends but if it’s just about him being able to have a drink then it’s a bit off.

I think it's fine, he shouldn't need to ditch his friends or his social time just because he is dating. I don't buy into the need to see each other as much as possible, it sounds needy and rules out the chance for anything else in life so when the relationship goes pear shaped people are left alone .

You sound like hard work. Back off or he will.

Can you suggest Monday and Tuesday instead?

Always trust your instincts.

If something doesn’t feel right - it probably isn’t

I think you're reading too much into it really.

He doesn't want to give up socialising with friends, which is sensible in a new relationship.

Did you consider this before you got a puppy, or is it only his life that should be on hold?

Is there a reason why it has to be Monday through to Wednesday? What's wrong with him staying for two nights at yours instead of three?

Also, talk to him, Don't drive yourself crazy speculating about whether he's going off you, ask him if his feelings have changed. At least then you'll know and can make a decision about whether to persevere with the relationship.

It sounds a bit as if you are trying to buy his company, offering the use of your car to bribe him.

I would step back a bit and let him show interest in seeing you

He has plans.

You got a puppy: big responsibility, so short-term, you’re quite restricted.

Compromise a bit. Offer an alternative. Talk about it.

You have children and chose to get a puppy, why does he have to live with the restrictions you've chosen?

Did you consider this before you got a puppy, or is it only his life that should be on hold?

This. You got a puppy and already had restricted circumstances because you've got children - whilst frustrating; he's done nothing different to you really. You can't stay because you got a puppy; he can't stay because he's got plans.

As a one-off; it's no reflection of his commitment (unless getting a puppy was a reflection of yours)

Why did you get a new puppy in this situation? You're obviously not that "into" your boyfriend. If I were him I'd be thinking you'd had enough of me.

The fact that you haven't seen each other in 3 weeks and he isn't bothered about spending some time with you niw would suggest to me that hes just nit that into you.

Of course there's nothing wrong with him wanting to go for a meal with his friends but thats only one night. Why cant he stay the other 2 nights? Has he even suggested an alternative arrangement that means he can spend some time with you and go for the meal?

As another pp said if it doesn't feel right then it probably isn't.

If i was you i would pull back abit and see what effort he makes. If he doesn't make any then there's your answer.

It also depends on why you haven't seen him for 3 weeks.
Any reason why he couldn't go to you on a weekend using public transport?

It sounds like both sets of circumstances are a big obstacle in this relationship. You have kids, a new puppy which is a basically another kid, he doesn’t drive and you live a fair distance apart.