To not go today

[Ketayuzu]

DFriend lives on the otherside of the country . Shes just had DC2.

Haven't lived in same town for over 15 years so catch ups used to be weekends at each others, dinner drinks dancing etc.
Since each having DC we see each other less. I'm a 3 hour drive away now.
We had arranged for me to drive up tomorrow to see new DC (on my own). I hadn't realised she had other plans in the morning so couldn't meet until 2. I'll have to leave at the latest at 5. I thought I was coming in the morning for the whole day. Just miscommunication.

AIBU to rearrange? She'll say it's fine but will she be seething underneath. She's not likely to tell me!
It's unlikely to be for at least another month. It makes me really sad to not see her and tiny DC2 but equally i don't want to spend 6 hours in car for 3 hours at hers.

I would rearrange. That’s a long way to go for a 3 hour visit.

It is. But we had arranged to meet.
I feel bad rearranging as she's got the baby now too and I remember how tough it is with baby plus toddler

If youve already got childcare arranged I'd still go. Its not too hot where i am for a car journey that long so I'd be picking my tunes and enjoying the drive (i do like driving though)

go by train?

I'd definitely rearrange,and I'm not a flake. Any reasonable person would understand that it's simply too far to come for such a short visit - if she doesn't (or isn't honest with you about it) then that's her problem. If I was in her position I'd be the one telling my friend it was too far and I didn't expect them to come.

Does she know you have to leave at 5?

I can see why you’d want not to do such a long journey for a short time, but equally, if you’ve just had a baby, it is tiring to host a friend for the whole day.

Even in a month, will she want to meet for a whole day? She might be running on very little sleep.

I hope she'd know that me coming for the day would mean she could do anything she needed while i was there (including sleep). I wouldn't want to stay much after 5 for her sake anyway!
Childcare is my DH so no need to rearrange!
Train takes even longer sadly. Its not the drive I mind so much as the 6hrs drive vs 3 hour visit ratio.
Thanks for opinions everyone. I'm going to reschedule

Could she not rearrange her other plans?

If she has a new baby, a whole day is too long imo. My guess is she doesn't want to meet for a whole day.

I think you should go, and if you want to do something for a whole day, find something else to do in the morning.

You'd have been driving for 6 hrs, even if you'd spent the whole day with her. Why not stop off somewhere on the way and have lunch, do some sight-seeing? Or enjoy not having to make an early start.

I agree with pp. A whole day in which she'd feel she had to entertain you, with constant interruptions from dc and baby, may be a bit much at the moment.

In your situation I would drive up to the area late morning and find somewhere to enjoy a lovely, peaceful, child-free lunch before getting to your friend at 2.

I have also been in similar positions (I moved to a different city from most of my friends) and have sometimes flaked and sometimes gone. I've almost always regretted flaking in retrospect.

In this case, because she has a newborn and is probably very much looking forward to seeing you, showing off the baby, maybe even needing some support in those hard early days...I'd go and gently say, 'next time lets have the whole day together. I get to do this so rarely and I miss you.'

You can make a day of it for yourself and it's these moments (IMO) that keep bonds of friendships strong.

Gosh a whole day when she has a newborn?
Too much .
I agree,set off early,have a nice lunch and then pop in for a couple of hours .