Partner never let me no where he was

[Paddington23]

Few nights a week he goes out and so do I I always let him no when I’m going out. I also text when I’m on my way home and maybe one if I’m staying out super late. My partner always goes to the same pub with friends or work colleagues and will mention before work but that’s it. Pub closes at 9.30 but they often stay as the no the owner let’s say till ten. That’s when I roughly expect him home. Recently he’s been going for food after but never texting me. When I ring he never answers I text to say I’m getting worried no answer happened a few times. he will then ring when he’s leaving 5 mins walk away last time he even put his mate on the phone to let me no he was with him.
Last night just takes the biscuit I got in late at 11 had been to dinner with some friends then out for cocktails. I had text him at lunch to remind him I was out but never got answers I text again to say I was going to be home at 11 no answer buy midnight he wasn’t home and I had rung so much getting worried I must have fallen asleep while waiting for him. He was in bed when I woke up still asleep im not sure what to do I don’t want to cause an argument if I’m not being unreasonable just to have a Text. He always says he has no signal which can be true it’s hit and miss. His phone also doesn’t show missed calls but I’ve rung him on fb and sent a message. I’m really worried about him last week work sent him home due to stress but he continued to go to work. Last time he was late home he came home crying upset

I think you’re both stressing each other out.

You would severely stress a lot of people out OP.

Let him have his time with his friends without micro managing him.

Nothing grows in shade, remember that

I text him once at lunch saying I was out tonight. Then rang once on mobile when I was on way home then once on fun at midnight then text him saying just worried where you are off to bed. It’s a specialist pub that closes at 9.30

Turns out he was at a leaving do that I knew nothing off

That's a bit off. OH and I wouldn't keep something like that from each other.

Was it at a pub? If so you’re being unreasonable. If it’s not someone you know leaving then why tell you? If DH goes to the pub I care about where he’s going not particularly why. Makes no odds to me if it’s to watch football, catch up with friends or a colleague’s leaving party.

Also a bit much to get stressed if he moves from one pub to another. It’s still going to the pub, unless he specifically said I am going to X for Y purpose and will be home at X time/X pub’s closing time.

Why not say Friday night until day 3am is your time, full your boots but, if you’re going to be any later, just let me know?

Say not day & fill, not full. Apologies

Why do you need to know where he is?

The level of micromanagement you want would be enough to push me away, you don’t need to know each other’s little movements. “I’m going out tonight” should be more than enough information especially if, as it seems, there are no children involved.

OH and I always tell each other where we are going as a mstter of courtesy. I don't always know exactly where though, just that he is doing a pub crawl round Sheffield for example. We don't contact each other when out except to say which train we are on when coming home. But we trust each other and have never abused each other's trust.

I think ‘never’ in this context is ‘didn’t’ or ‘not’ - it’s dialect; possibly northern? As in “You shagged my bloke!” “I never!” It is contextually a bit confusing, especially in concert with the run-on sentences, though I think we all get the gist. Um, OP - you’re being U. This constant texting; calling; checking; insisting on an immediate reply - it’s bloody exhausting. No wonder he’s in tears.

I am also intrigued by this early-closing boozer. I suspect it’s a cash-only establishment, on its uppers.

sugarplumfairy

‘Gently teasing’ ?

You sound like one of those people who passés off bullying as ‘banter’. How unpleasant.

@Paddington23 I think you both need to sit down and have an honest chat and set some ground rules for when your out. If he's really stressed could he talk to someone close like a mate if he doesn't want to worry you?

Since London attacks me and my Husband on a night out just pop each other a text to say we've arrived and when we're setting off that's about it. If he knows he's doing something unplanned he'll just pop a text to say going for a drinks should be back around 11ish and vice versa. It's just common courtesy. If the trains late/delayed etc again quick text and that's about it. Chill with the calling and texting it would throw me abit if my husband started doing that and vice versa.

@sugarPlumFairly Just uncalled for.

Do you think he's got another woman OP or is doing drugs?

The only time I text or ring DH if I'm on a night out without him is if he's picking me up from somewhere. He knows I'm out for the evening, he knows I'm with friends, there's no need. If he was getting in at 4am etc I get you might be worried, but this sounds quite ott of it was the other way round and you were out with friends and your partner called you dozens of times and WhatsApped/FB whatever, even they knew you were out for the evening with friends, you'd be told on here to LTB he's controlling etc.

DP tells me he is going out for a quick pint, will only be an hour. Comes home once pub is closing. Don't panic, just let him be. He is out relaxing. I do don't think I would ever expect DP to text me when he is out. I wouldn't text him either.
I think it is curtesy to let your partner know you are going out though. But times of getting back, I think defies the object of going out. Who wants to clock watch?

So hang on, he didn't contact you at all during the day, didn't let you know he was going out that evening, then didn't reply to your text messages/phone calls from lunchtime onwards?

YANBU. You're not asking for his every movement, just a quick "going out for some drinks tonight, won't be home til late" text. Takes 15 seconds, it's common courtesy to let your partner who you live with know that you won't be back til late.

"last time he even put his mate on the phone to let me no he was with him."

Why did he need to prove who he was with, do you think he's cheating/not trust him?

I’m still dying to know more about this specialist pub

I don’t not trust him at all I trust him completely. Just get worried when he says I’m off to (insert name of pub) tonight that I know closes at 9.40 and dosnt rock up till gone midnight

I have never heard of a pub closing at 9.30. Where is this mysterious pub?

Try to remember (or imagine) life before mobile phones. You go out, enjoy your evening and go home; he does the same. Try it. You say you trust him but sending him texts while he is out says otherwise.

Most pubs shut at 11pm? Never heard of a pub shutting at 9.30 or 9.40 on a weekend?

Is this pub set up for partners who want their other half to come home early?