...telling DP that he has to stop being wishy washy and stand up to his ex?

[TerraCloud]

I am so upset right now. DP just called and said that his ex phoned to say she cancelled dss school registration at one school and enrolled him in another WITHOUT INFORMING US!!!!

She is their mom - got it; but DP has primary care and custody and she does not. He has the right to enroll dss in a high school and she does not.

We have won full custody over dss and partial custody with dsd. Dss is 13 yrs this July.

Dss and DP both went to various high schools and agreed on the one closest to us. The ex did not agree and has been working on dss to change his mind and now - she has done this because she thinks it is her right to do so.

DP and I just had a huge fight on the phone and I said that he has to stop being a doormat - making excuses all the time as to why he should not do something when she walks all over us. The f'n nerve register dss without saying anything, other than 'oh by the way, dss is registered at this school. Hope you don't mind...'

She abandoned her children for 18 months while she partied, drank, did crack cocaine and heroin... as crappy as this is going to sound, if she had not gotten pregnant, she would not be in her children's lives...

I am tired of our lives revolving around the whim of an interferring manipultive ex crack addict.

Sorry - I just really needed to vent. I feel crappy for snapping at dp but after all the battles we went through the past 2 years to get where we are, it is still not getting any easier... I suggest he phone his lawyer - he says what's the point? I suggest talking to the child specialist - he say what's the point?

He would be content just to not do anything, like always, and let it continue on as if it is not bothering anyone and not deal with it.

Sorry - I am really fighting back the tears 'cause I am at work (North American time).

I know being a step mom, you have lot to deal with and have to concede on a lot of points... but we have conceded and it is still not good enough. not even the court order is being abided by on the ex's part.

Again, my apologies for ranting on so long... I just need an outlet...

Terra- not much to add to your rant but you're definitely not being unreasonable and I really feel for you.

Sounds like you've got more than most to deal with as stepmother and must be very hard when your dp is being a doormat.

Can you take a litlte break and grab a coffee or something -sounds like you need a little time out to get your head straight as you're understandably upset.

I just got back from a break and walked to get a coffee... I am trying not to let it get to me... thank you. I just needed to get it out. It is hard to talk about this sometimes with my friends/family. I feel like a sh*t for slamming the phone on DP and saying the things I did...

... sometimes I just get fed up. I took the lead instructing the lawyer and child specialist on what was happening; keeping them informed; recording phone calls on the calendar and noting the children's moods.

I am not looking for a medal... I just feel DP needs to stand up for himself more and just deal with things, rather than putting things off...

FWIW I think you did the right thing saying something to your DP, if you hadn't I bet it would have come out sooner or later and probably you'd have been even more upset than you are now.

ex wife just doing this to get some traction with dp/dsd etc - she has pressure little success in influencing so sounds like she'll do what she can to have a go. but that is really no help when she does that kind of thing!

Sounds like you're being incredibly supportive to DP plus a fantastic stepmum (its not easy at the best of times but you seem to have a particularly difficult situation) to sort all that out. I know what a one way street it can be being a stepmum (its a one way street of doign the right thing but not expecting anything in return) so that only adds to your frustration.

And absolutely no need to apologise -this is what this section is for ((hugs))

Thank you Poppy34. I am still fighting back the tears because it is frustrating... You are right, I don't expect anything in return and I do what I do because I care and want to help.

(((hugs))) back at you! I am taking a deep breathe and having a sip of my decaf coffee.