New user profile. I am looking for advice, have nowhere to turn.
There have been problems in my marriage for quite a while. There's love underneath it all (I think) but also I take a lot of very upsetting name-calling from him and it has been much worse since DD was born 6 years ago. I work (currently part time, 28hr/week) and also do all food shopping, all meal prep, DD's bath and night time routine, all laundry, all gardening. I am not perfect at this- the house is not spotless. I do my best though. After DD was born, I did all night feeds, sterilising bottles, etc; I felt awful from the sleep deprivation and felt very depressed. I was told that I am a useless parent and DD will grow up to despise me (among other things).
When OH is on form, things are fine. Otherwise... I spend a lot of time walking on eggshells. He often tells me that I don't do anything or contribute to the relationship. I'm so tired I often fall asleep on the sofa of an evening and so I'm not fun to be with. DD's bedtime isn't the best (she gets to sleep at 9pm on a good day...) but I've tried to bring it forward and that hasn't worked.... I'm therefore told that I'm failing to let DD know who's boss. Bad mother.
A couple of years ago I hit a really bad patch. I felt like I had no life. I was lucky though, I got a new job which really challenges me, makes use of my degree, pays well and lets me have the flexible hours. I also got a car (had to because otherwise I couldn't get to work). During my job search I was told by OH that I will never get a job because my social skills are so rubbish and I look fat and ridiculous (used to be thin; never lost the pregnancy weight, another bone of contention). When I got the job, I felt better for a while. At least things were going well there even when bad at home. The company seems pleased, have hinted at good career progression in the future.
Problem is, OH got offered an executive-track job 3hrs drive away from we are. It's the natural job progression for him and will cement his career. But I don't want to give up my work and move... he wants me to resign and look for another job there. My job is niche, there is no way I will get something half as good, have been looking through the job listings but it makes me feel so depressed to think of applying for these compared to what I have.
OH is furious. He is guilting me about putting work ahead of family; apparently I'm a self-centred bitch and he feels sorry for DD that she has such a mother. I haven't asked him to give up his job offer though! But I want him to commute to work during the week so that I can keep looking for a decent job to come up. It costs a lot of money to rent somewhere to stay during the week though. He would rather I just move. His family are disgusted with me as they say I am not trying hard enough to find something new and that I am just trying to get rid of him. Apparently I am unreasonable not to take a lesser job for the sake of keeping the family together, because his job is so good.
Thing is; if I move, I am going to be isolated and my mental health is going to drop off a cliff. If I end the relationship, DD is going to live 3h away from her father being shuttled between houses (have to add that DD and OH do have a good relationship, she adores daddy). If I insist on staying here, I'm costing us a lot of money and breaking up the family.
What the hell do I do.