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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think ghosting after a year isn't ok

23 replies

bumbling · 27/07/2018 12:22

I'm stuck between heartbroken and angry right now but what a scrappy way to end things with someone.

Everything was perfectly fine up until last Friday. Contact was reduced since Saturday and now nothing at all.

We both have an odd sense of humour and have joked about ghosting him more so than me but I never really thought he would do it.

I did see him on Wednesday and after numerous unnecessary "jokes" I said if you are planning on phasing me out or ghosting just do the decent thing and tell me straight out. He said he was just in a funny mood and that ghosting doesn't work if you tell the person. Clearly it wasn't just a funny mood.

We are in our 30's also I am aware that this sounds extremely childish.

Aibu to ask what is the easiest way to get over this.

OP posts:

Confusedbeetle · 27/07/2018 12:24

Who invented this ghosting?

Churrolicious · 27/07/2018 12:24

Just ignore. Block him on everything and if/when he tries to sidle back do not engage.

I’m so very sorry though. It’s a shitty thing for him to do and feels awful.

Myheartbelongsto · 27/07/2018 12:27

Shitty thing to do op.

Hope you're ok

Storm4star · 27/07/2018 12:30

I think it's a shitty thing to do at any stage but sadly it now seems to be an "acceptable" way to end a relationship. Sorry this has happened to you OP. The one thing I would say is, if that's his character then he's done you a favour in the long run.

WhatAnAbsolutePenis · 27/07/2018 12:48

So he’s joked about ghosting, and did so two days ago.

Has he actually ghosted you OP?

Popc0rn · 27/07/2018 12:53

What is your relationship? Friends with benefits or boyfriend/girlfriend?

alligatorsmile · 27/07/2018 12:56

Just because it's got a name doesn't make it acceptable. It's so cowardly.

DanielCraigsUnderpants · 27/07/2018 12:57

It's cowardly and mean at any time but after a year you should expect that someone would give you the courtesy to tell you they've ended the relationship.

It happened to me once. We'd been dating about a month or so. They Just disappeared. Would answer calls. Then three months later I got a text at 2am saying sorry and would I like to meet up. So it was pretty obvious what was going on there. Best thing you can do is accept that silence is the same as saying they want to move on. And feel thankful that you didn't waste any more time on someone who would do it

KatieKittens · 27/07/2018 12:58

Am I picking you up right that you saw him this Wednesday? That’s not long ago.

Have you contacted him to ask if everything is ok? Maybe he has something going on in his life.

If you are getting the sense that he is distancing himself from you, maybe a break up is coming. He might be putting it off.

I’m sorry for you, it’s horrible

TheVanguardSix · 27/07/2018 13:04

This ghosting thing is the ultimate shitty norm now. So sorry that you’ve experienced this.

Don’t even joke about it (this is by no means placing ‘blame’ on you,OP) in your next relationship. It makes you sound insecure and needy (sorry to say this but we’ve all been there). You obviously didn’t feel secure with him or you wouldn’t have had these discussions/jokes. As the saying goes:
Half joking. Whole in earnest.

Meet someone you don’t even have to joke about ghosting with. It shouldn’t even come into your conversation. Congratulations on getting rid of an obstacle on your path. You can now meet someone who will cherish you, respect you, and communicate with you like an adult, not a 16 year old.

Original poster

bumbling · 27/07/2018 16:58

Thanks for the replies. I have just been keeping myself busy for the day as I am off work.

It was a relationship not a friend's with benefits thing.

I did see him this Wednesday but the change in behaviour has been there since last week. We were always very open if something was going on in our lives so I don't think it's that. My friends are trying to help by saying give it time but I just want to get past this awful stage. I'm hurt confused and embarrassed.

OP posts:

Laiste · 27/07/2018 17:02

Dumped we used to call it. It's not a new thing. Before mobile phones the landline would just ring out and not get answered. Or it would never ring.

OP. If he's that cowardly to dump you without a warning or discussion then he wasn't worth your time anyway x

Original poster

bumbling · 27/07/2018 17:47

Thanks laiste I am trying to look at it that way. It would be so much easier if something had happened if we had a fight or if it was naturally winding down. If anything we had been spending more time together in the last month so this has come completely out of the blue. It's such a shame as if he was upfront with me we could have stayed friends. We generally got on really well had the same sense of humour and personality. I don't know where to start getting over it when he didn't have the guts to properly end it.

OP posts:

KatieKittens · 27/07/2018 19:11

I don't know where to start getting over it when he didn't have the guts to properly end it.

He’s a coward, but you can take back control. Make the decision that it’s over and you are not going to contact him again.

Your right that he doesn’t deserve your friendship.

Original poster

bumbling · 27/07/2018 20:13

Just to update he called and said he met someone else and although nothing has happened yet (yeah right) he is conflicted cos if he is seeing me for a year he shouldn't have feelings for someone else. At least now I know. The worst thing is we laughed through the hour long conversation. I do believe he didn't want to hurt me he wanted to stay friends but I said no to that. Its best to have a clean break.

OP posts:

DanielCraigsUnderpants · 27/07/2018 20:50

I'm sorry that's happened. You sound very sensible and I hope you go on to meet someone who makes you happy without the silly games.

KatieKittens · 27/07/2018 21:39

I second that DanielCraigs

princesstiasmum · 27/07/2018 21:49

I really feel for you,this has happened to me recently too,at first i was upset,but now i am angry, i want to hurt him back, and i know i can, which is in a way he would not like and show him up for what he is

Butterflykissess · 27/07/2018 21:52

How awful!

YaLoVeras · 27/07/2018 21:57

This happened to me but not after a whole year, wow, that takes the biscuit. When it happened to me after a very intense 7 weeks I was shocked for about 72 hours and then I thought about what a poor comminicator, literally unable to communicate something slightly awkward, and I knew I was braver than he is as I have been in situations where I wasn't looking forward to breaking the news but i took a breath and did it anyway. I am turned off by that lack of masculinity/bravery.

HollowTalk · 27/07/2018 22:00

You poor thing. What a prick he is.

Original poster

bumbling · 27/07/2018 22:35

Thanks all. I have had a few cries ranted to some friends. I still feel really sick I can't eat when I'm upset. I'm just glad I have till Monday to feel a bit better before I have to go to work and face people

OP posts:

LeighaJ · 27/07/2018 22:37

Confusedbeetle

"Who invented this ghosting?"

Douchebags.

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