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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Was I in the wrong?

43 replies

SenoritaViva · 27/07/2018 08:08

I suggested last night that the family all go to fly kites and watch the sun go down at a local beauty spot. We were getting ready to go after supper when DH said he wasn’t coming. He changed his mind again (I think because our youngest was disappointed). I was holding the car keys, he went to take them off me and I said I was driving as he’d had wine. He told me he’d only had half a glass (probably true albeit a large ‘home’ half Rather than pub sizes). He asked again and again I refused (I hadn’t drunk anything). He told our youngest that he wasn’t coming because mum wanted to spend time with just them (the kids) and I didn’t want him there.

Was I unreasonable to have stuck to my guns about driving (it is 20 minutes away) or should I have let it go as he was under the limit? To be fair his reaction was quite quick and I didn’t expect it. We went without him.

I am hurt that he blamed me to our youngest (age 6, who repeated this in the car to his siblings).

OP posts:

treaclesoda · 27/07/2018 08:50

If he's so keen that he always has to be the one to drive then he should also be the one who doesn't have anything to drink.

He was being a knob.

Mrsbclinton · 27/07/2018 08:53

He didnt want to go then he did brcause the 6 year old was disappointed, then used you driving as a reason not to go.
Of course you should have driven its a no brainier he had drink taken you didnt.

flumpybear · 27/07/2018 09:03

He's being very childish and frankly ridiculous - he needs to grow up!

Original poster

SenoritaViva · 27/07/2018 09:40

Thank you for your opinions, now to think about asking for an apology/acknowledgment that he was in the wrong without making it blow into something worse.

OP posts:

Racecardriver · 27/07/2018 09:42

I think he was actually a bit drunk. People get tipsy quicker on the heat. Is he normally a bossy drunk?

Original poster

SenoritaViva · 27/07/2018 11:00

He drinks quite a lot to be honest and as I’ve recently totally given up so we don’t interact all that much when he’s drinking. He’s not normally particularly bossy or aggressive.

I think I will approach it by telling him how hurt I am that he assumed he wasn’t welcome and involved the children.

OP posts:

YoYoNoMore · 27/07/2018 11:09

Hi OP, in my experience, when people seem to get irrationally upset or angry over little things, it’s usually because there’s something else going on. Maybe pressures at work? I’d start with gently asking if everything was ok with him because your actions didn’t deserve the reaction they got.

longwayoff · 27/07/2018 11:14

Pig.pig.pig.pig. I hate people who disappoint children. Hate them doubly for trying to put blame on someone else. Hate people who cant be rational after half glass of wine. Just as well he's yours not mine. I'm afraid you're welcome to him.

AWomanIsAnAdultHumanFemale · 27/07/2018 11:18

But you are being unreasonable for determining that a man under the legal limit couldn't drive.

If he was just driving himself he can do what he likes, but he was planning on taking her children. She gets to veto that.

AWomanIsAnAdultHumanFemale · 27/07/2018 11:20

He’s obviously one of these pricks who can’t be driven by his wife. My neighbour is the same, it’s quite funny right now as he has broken his arm and his wife has to drive them everywhere

RabbitsAreTasty · 27/07/2018 11:25

Ha ha ha, yeah right, he can't take being a passenger. Funny how that only happens to men and only when it is a woman driving. Funny how it happens more when the woman is a good driver.

Fuck that.

Well, I have looked in my crystal ball. Bad news OP, you get really really sick now if you are the passenger, much sicker than him. You have to be the driver most of the time now.

You get the keys first, open the car and get in the drivers seat. Any objections you point out that you get too sick as a passenger so you need to drive. Do not move for The Man.

RabbitsAreTasty · 27/07/2018 11:26

I'd do the driving as a matter of course now rather than pushing for an apology for you not being a little woman.

AWomanIsAnAdultHumanFemale · 27/07/2018 11:29

Everything rabbits said!

kayakingmum · 27/07/2018 11:34

If he always drives the family maybe he feels that's his thing. You taking the decision for him not to drive when he was clearly able to in my opinion was not reasonable.
His comment to your son was not good, but I guess he didn't want to say the truth which was - your mum doesn't want me to drive because she thinks I'm an unsafe driver and will kill us all!

Original poster

SenoritaViva · 27/07/2018 11:38

@yoyonomore that is good advice but I know what the problem is. I would be drip feeding if I went into it but it has meant I’ve lost my ability to access whether things are bang out of order.

I love the balls of some people! You have cheered me up with the sickness suggestion, even if I’m not going to do it (I may do in desperation one day!)

OP posts:

Original poster

SenoritaViva · 27/07/2018 11:42

*Assess not access

OP posts:

runwithme · 27/07/2018 12:24

DH is always the driver, I have no problem with that as it's a good opportunity to mumsnet/nap so i am chief navigator/dj.

If we pop into a pub for a drink, if DH fancies a beer and I don't want a drink I'll drive. If we both want a drink one of us will have a small one. There's never any problem. It's strikes me that your DH didn't want to come, made himself out to be the good guy and then found an easy outer, making you the bad guy in the process. Nice.

mikeyssister · 27/07/2018 12:30

You were perfectly right OP and your DH is a dickhead.

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