Hi everyone. Just want to make this clear from the start this is not a mil bashing thread I adore my mil and have a great relationship with her.
Bit of background. Back when I got pregnant with my dd I hadn't been with dh very long so was a bit of a shock me and mil were still getting to know one another but we had a good relationship and I could tell a wonderful friendship was blossoming and it did I was and still am very close to her. My own mum passed away very suddenly a few years ago and for me mil has really helped to fill an empty hole and she's aware of my feelings there and told me that's all she could ever wish for and she's glad I've found some comfort in having her. I won't lie when dd was born I did suffer some pnd very bad experience whilst giving birth, problematic pregnancy, too many visitors too quickly and we were living at mils moved in officially the day after dd was born I had been living with my dad before hand who I'm also very close to. Mil was naturally very excited and its not like we had some sort of rule book or instruction manual and a couple boundries were crossed mil totally admits this and has always apologised as at the time I didn't feel I could assert myself properly and I sunk deeper into my depression and then started becoming stand offish and barely allowing mil near me and my dd it truly was awful I think I felt a mixture of things and i also think I felt inadequate at the time as a mum anyway dh and i ended up moving out of mils and things did improve but still it wasn't perfect I had something against mil even though I still really did love her and enjoy her company I only liked seeing her on my own without dd that's disappeared over time and I'm so glad and relieved pnd does some strange things and really mil never did anything to deserve this kind of behaviour from me. I was out or order to be so disrespectful after she welcomed me into her home.
I am now pregnant with dc 2 and what I really want this time around is for my mil to be there with me during labour supporting me and dh I really think she will help me take my mind of the pain and I just think I will feel more relaxed around her after. I'm just so scared of history repeating itself i really dont want to put mil through that again and I think if she is there with me I will see her as more of a support with the baby rather then someone who is trying to take over which i know would never be her intention. I would never deliberately treat anyone badly or distance myself but my pnd at one stage got so bad that I wouldn't have any of dh family near me. Some of them have been rather unkind to me though so dh and mil always did understand.
Mil said she would be delighted to come and support me but she has said that she wants to step out for the actual birth and let me and Dh have that private moment at that point she said she will go on home and come back when she is asked for to meet the baby. Did any of you have your mil for support during labour did you find it strenghend your bond and also will having someone who makes you laugh and could turn your labour into a positive experience help reduce the chance of experiencing pnd again?
Many thanks for all who has read to the end sorry it was long I didn't want to drip feed and I wanted to make sure I didn't paint my mil out to be some sort of baby crazed monster because she really isn't.