My glockenspiel is broken and I am very suspicious

[Ladybirdbookworm]

I've just welcomed my DH home from an exhausting day at work. I had rustled together some left over poached salmon and cold potato salad with hollandaise.With a bottle of Sancerre waiting to be uncorked......
As he strode across the yard his Prussian blue shirt tight across his biceps I felt a stirring in my loins. I rushed to the bathroom and rubbed Fracas body lotion into the back of my neck and behind my ears, quickly pinched my cheeks and ran my tongue over my lips until they glistened.
I ran towards him my tortoise shell hair blowing in the breeze, his eyes roamed lazily over my pert nipples and down to my coltish legs ......
His Roman nose gave him a slight hawk like appearance and I looked up at him shyly , he nuzzled into my neck and murmered gruffly " I think I have broken your glockenspiel "
AIBU to think he has been rough handed with it ???

In which case, how did you know his shirt was blue, I'm sure dreams are black and white, aren't they?

Very suspicious behaviour, OP. Was he pleasuring the Second Flute on the glockenspiel at the time?

@arranfan I've seen him several times in around Covent Garden, he often goes to Pret on St Martin's Lane, he's quite famous. www.mirror.co.uk/news/weird-news/revealed-mystery-man-wears-pyramid-6796961

sunshinewithabitofdrizzle - a big thank you for this!

I was trying to work out if he was wearing a personal, pyramid-shaped faraday cage but that would have needed a very heavy mesh etc. My next thought was that he was carrying an RA bag from their current 250th Summer Exhibition so idly speculated whether it was a wearable piece of art from that.

I'm so pleased that I mentioned it!

@arranfan how thick does the mesh need to be to be an effective faraday cage? Also doesn’t it matter that it’s not closed ? I’ve forgotten all this, please enlighten me!

timeisnotaline - iirc, years ago, Ben Goldacre published some articles about EMF-related health claims and the discussion branched off into Faraday cages, portable Faraday cages, wearable anti-EMF protective clothing etc.

The item that comes to mind is the splendid chain mail effort at the bottom of this list of EMF clothing

I think some of the Bad Science physicists did wonderfully wonk equations on how much an item like that could shield and whether or not it would need layers of the sort of mesh you see in microwave doors to provide an additional shielding layer.

Some peppers and survivalists have advice on building Faraday devices. I gather the budget option is foil-lined snack pouches.

Meanwhile what has happened to the Rupert now the temptress is tucked up in A&E? Has he found consolation with one of the maids? Is cook doing him a special?

Murmured, murmured...

I think OP may have been a coquettish cat (tortoiseshell hair, mention of poached salmon) who appropriated her owner's keyboard.

She obviously wanted a stroke from hawk bloke and packed OP off to a&e.

YANBU cat.

I know! You're Maris, eagerly awaiting the return of hubby Niles.

But then again, Maris was never one to enjoy the joys of the flesh. So perhaps you are Daphne, also eagerly awaiting Dr Niles Crane.

???

Does this mean that we will never meet manly hawk-nosed Rupert again? My heart is broken, my tears are falling like gentle rain onto my voluptuous lace-canopied bosom. Ah me. And what now of the glockenspiel?

Sorry everyone I'm mortified.
Someone on the jilly Cooper thread asked if someone would do an aibu in jilly Cooper style.
I broke my arm this week tripping over on my flip flops so that's why I was at A & E.
I promise I haven't been on the gin and I definitely haven't been on a glockenspiel.

Did he bash your glockenspiel too hard with his mallet?

And so you return to begin your slow return to health, welcome, welcome. Rupert has been conspicuous in his absence. I fear your suspicions regarding the glockenspiel have proved correct. There is no sign of it. Indeed it is said he was heard to mutter "of what use is a glockenspiel to a woman with one arm?" as he mounted the saddled bay mare and turned her towards the setting sun. Farewell then Rupert, you hawk-nosed, blackhearted stealer of womens hearts.Your memory will be alive within us forever.