WIBU not to send a gift

[DaveGormansCheckedShirt]

We have to decline an invitation to a wedding because, without going into to much detail, it’s a destination wedding but not in a destination anyone would choose to go to. It’s also childfree but there are no suitable local childcare options near the venue on the date so would involve 2 full days of travelling plus arranging 2 nights and 3 days of childcare. The couple aren’t treating it as a destination wedding, it’s the full bells and whistles and they’ve not made any mention of understanding how awkward it will be for their guests to attend and seemed quite put out that we couldn’t just magic up childcare out of thin air.

I was looking up what to write in the with regards card and all of the things I’ve read suggest sending a gift if you can’t make the wedding, wibu not to send a gift because I feel the couple have made the wedding deliberately awkward for people to attend?

For background they came to our wedding and gave us a gift.

Don't write anything other than the essentials 'Davegorman and partner will be unable to attend. We wish you all the best'. Personally I would send a cheap gift if you really feel bad about it.

I’d send a gift, it’s their wedding they can be difficult if they want and it’s your choice not to go but I’d send something, though probably smaller than what I would have if I’d have gone. I say this as someone who had almost the exact same situation. We did send a gift.

@ChocolateChipMuffin2016 I know what you’re saying but I kind of feel that is not our choice not to go, I love weddings and if it was near where we and they live or we could take our 10 month old then we’d be there like a shot, but by having a wedding so far away from all of their guests and making it childfree that it’s just basically a gift grab!

but by having a wedding so far away from all of their guests and making it childfree that it’s just basically a gift grab!

Or they’re choosing to have the wedding they really want. You’re not under any pressure to go. Do you think they want people to decline the invitation?

If you don't want to give a gift then don't, it's fine. I wouldn't give one if I wasn't going to the wedding. I have been to weddings and just taken a card, as it's cost me so much to attend and no one has ever said anything. If they do mention it, then they are just being grabby. Don't feel bad for not giving a gift, do what you want to do, not what you think is expected.

@PurpleDaisies we definitely are under pressure to go! Not just to the wedding but to the stag and hen which are coming in at £500 each and while I’m on maternity leave it’s money we just don’t have!

I think what’s bothering me is lack of any kind of acknowledgment that it will cost a lot and be quite inconvenient, people can do what they want for their wedding but usually they understand that if they do it far away then most people won’t be able to come, but they’re acting like it’s a local wedding and we’re the ones being unreasonable by not attending.

we definitely are under pressure to go!

That wasn’t really in your op.

Just send a polite decline wishing them well. If you don’t want to send a gift, that’s up to you.

I've been in a similar situation and despite pressure to attend we just couldn't make it work.

Decline politely, say how sorry you are that you can't be there and send a card and a gift.