To go away for the weekend if DP is working?

[bleedingbanshee]

He’s not said anything but I can tell he’s disappointed with me. He’s been given 2x12 hour weekend shifts on top of his normal weekday hours, including the commute he’ll be out of the house 7.30am-10.30pm both Saturday and Sunday next week.

He said he wants the money and doesn’t want to let them down, but when I said I would spend the weekend in my hometown visiting friends and family in that case he went quiet and was clearly a bit upset. I think he expects me to stay home just to see him for an hour on Saturday night (he did ask won’t you come back on Saturday).

I will miss him like mad and we normally spend every weekend together, but I don’t see why I should be bored and lonely at home so that he can benefit from extra cash AND get away with not doing any weekend housework - at least there will be less to do if we’re both out!

I’m pretty skint myself and it would be cheaper to stay at my mums and catch up at friends houses than to go out with friends and entertain myself staying in London.

To be honest I’m not sure he can handle a 7 day week and experience tells me he’ll call in sick on one of those days anyway, but it won’t do his ego much good to point that out! I’d much rather spend the weekend with him, but that is not what he’s choosing so I don’t want to risk being left without plans.

Of course it’s not unreasonable! You don’t exist just for his convenience; you’re your own person, with your own wants and needs. Just go, and don’t you dare feel bad about it!!

It's nice that he'll miss you, but it's an ideal time to go away.

I'm taking my dd away for a few days next week as I'm off work and my dp doesn't have any time off. He's not working the long hours that your dp is, but it still didn't cross my mind to ask if he was ok with it, and it didn't occur to him that there was anything odd about it.

he’ll be out of the house 7.30am-10.30pm both Saturday and Sunday next week.

You'll be half awake when he is home. Go go go and enjoy catching up with friends and family.

He’s just said I can always cancel my plans if he changes his mind and doesn’t go to work :(

Honestly he just wants to look good to his bosses by saying he’s up for it even though I really don’t think he is 🙄

There are some things we could really do with doing together that weekend. Like getting crap out of the loft for our holiday 3 days later. And visiting our hopeful new pet at the rescue centre! We’re due to collect after the holiday. He hasn’t ever worked a Saturday in the time I’ve known him, always says yes he’ll take the shift, always calls in sick. This is so annoying.

Yep agreeing to do a shift and then calling in sick is definitely a way to impress the bosses

Honestly this would annoy the shit out of me, I would be saying "eh nope, I have plans, if you decide to change yours that's fine but mine won't be changing. Also unless you cop on and stop acting like a child you will probably find yourself unemployed"

I'm away next week with out DH
He goes away for work

All this 'missing him' stuff are you joined at the hip?

You'll have new things to talk about and he'd be working anyway - not even sure why it needs such discussion

He wants the little woman waiting for his return. Don't give in, OP, especially in ths lovely weather.

That’s ridiculous, he obviously thinks he’s a great deal more important than you are and doesn’t really value your relationships with friends/family.
Tbh though I couldn’t be with the sort of person who’d constantly ring in sick after agreeing to work, that sort of laziness would just really make me run for the hills.

The disappointed sad puppy eyes when you go out without him is a red flag.

You must go now. Make firm plans and don't change them if he changes his. If he sad faces you then either pretend you don't see it or make sure you give him this face

This is how controlling behaviour starts. Shut it down fast and hard.

'miss him like mad' 😂 how long you been together? 18 months?

FFS do your thing. Hanging around so he can give you a squeeze after work. Go and have some fun. Think of the Monday sex.

Disappointed?? I'd be furious if that was my husband.

Just do what you want to do and he'll be fine. Calling in sick cause he 'can't manage a 7 day week' is so bad. He should probably just cancel his overtime if he's already thinking like that!

You’ll “miss him like mad” for 2 days apart?? Really?!

Christ! Don't get a pet with this person. They are incredibly unprofessional and want you to be at their beck and call. It is no wonder you can't stay away.

6 years and we haven’t spent night apart in 4, it works for us there’s really no need to always find something to be snarky about

He v rarely gets offered weekends, this is probably the 3rd time ever.

I do agree I just need to crack on and make plans, but I’ll wait until he accepts the shifts tomorrow because he seems to be wavering on it now. It’s annoying because we’ll have to find more time to do the crap that needs doing and his motivations for saying he’d take these shifts are purely selfish/ego based which isn’t his usual style.

He's being really weird and controlling. Make your plans, don't cancel them under any circumstances. Why do you need to miss each other? That's very interdependent and quite weird.

It’s going to look v bad on him if he agrees to the overtime and then calls in sick.
You should definitely go, and tell him no you will not be cancelling it- even if he calls in sick

If it helps anyone feel a bit less bitchy: I am not great with being on my own for extended periods, a full weekend would be too much, I wasn’t like this until I got PTSD from being in a terrorist attack a feel years ago and we were separated in the chaos, so yes I will miss him, I hope that’s ok.

You haven’t spent a night apart in 4 years and he’s having a tantrum at the thought??
This relationship sounds so unhealthy!

Unfortunate X post there

But if that’s the case then you need counselling to help you cope, not to be codependent on your DP

You certainly shouldn't cancel your plans just so that you will see him for 30 mins on Saturday night. Go and spend time with your family, and enjoy yourself!
I would also add that his boss is going to be very unimpressed if he accepts a shift, and then cries off. Far better not to accept it in the first place.

Christ ive had every scrap of counselling I’m entitled to, thanks for answering my aibu guys, glad we agree. I’ll duck out from the personal criticisms now.

Now that is the mother of all drip feeds.

No one was being bitchy OP.

That is really weird!

I often work all weekend and would be More than happy for dh and the dses to do stuff or go away.

Tbh I’d love coming home to an empty house and not having to get my stuff ready for the morning. I’d get home, strip off and climb in to bed with a glass of wine🍷

Very selfish of you dh.

In that case he should be encouraging you to go, you obviously felt ok about going by yourself and that is probably quite a big step. Him being negative is the opposite of being supportive.

There is only ever one reason OPs go off like a petulent brat and it is because they know they are wrong and The Voice of Mumsnet is right Off you trot OP to your oh-so-healthy-and-mutually-supportive relationship.