To help my friend with childcare

[cadburyegg]

A good friend of mine is expecting her first baby. Childcare is pretty expensive round here, there is one local nursery to us which has the monopoly, it's pricey I know as we use it for our eldest.

I was thinking of offering to help her with childcare 1 day a week when she goes back to work. I don't need the childcare myself as ours is organised, but it could be a reciprocal arrangement.

We live close, 10 mins away. I've known her a few years, we have similar values and I'd like to think this would extend to child rearing.

I do have 2 young dc myself but by the time my friend goes back to work my eldest will be at school.

My DH thinks I'm absolutely mad. Am I?

Yes. You have two children and she will have a baby = not a fair swap.

Plus she may 'abuse' your generosity, be late picking up, bringing a poorly child to your house instead of staying home with it, change her working days/hours, she may want you to 'just' take the baby to clinic, Dr's, mothers etc

YABU! especially if it's her first child. Who would be happy juggling a baby and 2 random toddler age kids whilst hideously sleep deprived and probably not knowing your arse from your elbow

It’s a lovely thought, and ‘back in the day’ was a common arrangement. But there are lots of problems. What if your own DC are ill? What if you want to go on holiday and she is relying on your for that one day a week childcare? Legally it’s a bit of a grey area too. What if, god forbid, something happened to her baby under your watch? Also, if you are paying for your own childcare, would you not start to feel resentful about giving her childcare for free?

I would think very, very carefully.

I have done childcare for friends whilst they work on an ad hoc basis but not sure if I would do it every week unless a really valid reason they couldn't get another form.

Plenty of mums at school do what you do and swap.

I have offered similar to my DSIS. I have two DDs 2 & 4 Who are very well behaved. She has a 2 year old DS Who is a right handful. I appreciate I'd get my two for her one but I offered and she declined before we went back to work. She's now hinting like made cause she is running out of annual leave to cover school holidays and I get 7 weeks off a year. However she just won't reciprocate so I'm holding off offering again.

If you do do it OP make your intentions very clear.

I should have clarified, I wouldn’t ask her to have my eldest. So it would be 2 dc 11 months apart.

In hindsight, not sure if it’s a good idea. I wouldn’t have a clue what to do with dc older than mine and she may well feel the same. Maybe ad hoc is smarter.

I wouldnt want to make a strict arrangement with a friend like that, nothing wrong with helping each other out regularly when you both can manage it though.