Is this a new kind of cheeky fuckery?

[DeloresJaneUmbridge]

I will keep this as short as possible.

So DH has a friend in America who is a real Anglophile, she loves the UK and especially England for its history and takes every opportunity to visit here.

Now before DH lived with me he was some distance away in a 2 bedroom flat and when she last came to the UK offered his spare room for two weeks. Considering at this point she only knew DH as a FB friend (very niche interest group) it was brave of her to willingly accept. However she came and stayed for the two weeks and went home. In that time DH took her to various places history based and she loved it all.

She came back last year with her partner and they were planning to move here for work and study. However it quickly became apparent that he was an abusive arse and they split.

Then last week she posted on FB that she was coming to the UK for Christmas. .

So I asked DH who now lives with me and our son in a two bed house where she was staying. He laughed and said she was dropping hints like House bricks that she didn’t take up much room .. I promptly said she couldn’t stay here and DH agreed. We sent her a message saying “would love to have you here but there is just no room, however here is a list of local hotels “. We did say that she was welcome to spend Xmas day with us and crash here on Xmas night.
Back comes the message that she will cancel the flight. DH says “no don’t do that, how much have you got after flight costs” and it’s around $500.
In the end my SIL who lives in a big house has offered to host her for the three weeks she will be here for that.

But.....who arranged a flight to the UK with nowhere to stay?

Disclaimer here...I am autistic and it seems bizarre to me not to have that sort of stuff worked out. I have to know exactly where we are staying if we go away and just crashing anywhere is well out of my comfort zone.

Oh and DH....no there isn’t nothing going on beyond an interest we all share (history). He is a bit frustrated with this too but she is a friend, has met SIL before and so we will help. I just think that expecting people to host you when you haven’t even asked is a bit CF. But she had gone ahead and booked the flight anyway.

Am I being unreasonable in thinking that?

She’s a CF, I wouldn’t have helped.

No you're not!

Not at all. She was taking it for granted that DH would help out the same as last time. Maybe SIL should offer her the room on Airbnb so that at least the friend will be paying something. Tell SIL to join Airbnb and charge £30 per night

I can’t believe your SiL is goingto host her for three weeks! She’ll live to regret that generosity.

To be fair the American friend will give her $500 for this but it just seemed odd to me that you would book a flight without making any plans for when you arrive.

Looking forward to an AIBU from your SIL "I let a friend of my relative stay for 3 weeks as a favour but she's still here 6 months later, AIBU to ask her when she's leaving"

Ooooh she’s a chancer. I doubt there was even a flight booked, she was just guilt tripping you!

Lots of Americans are like that - expect to bunk up with you.

Why on earth would your sil offer to host her for 500? What if she doesn’t pay up?

Well, she did say she'd cancel her flight so you all should have taken her at her word!

My db lived in the States for years and then moved home. He had a constant stream of people he knew from the US saying they were coming over and obviously planning to stay with him for weeks on end. Some were workmates he hardly knew. Is it an American thing? Or dh could have said years ago..you are welcome any time and she has taken him literally.

Haha! I would indeed have taken her at her word when she talked about cancelling but DH is a better person than me lol.

As is SIL apparently.

Sometimes it helps to be autistic and literal.

Funnily enough I have an old American uni housemate staying over with us for a few days in the New Year. He did ask me first though, and I forewarned him about the fact we’d have a 3 month old by then.

I think this is an american thing actually. I have known a couple of people stay with slight acquaintances in usa with no apparent problems. Maybe they're just more hospitable in that way. Not that I'd offer! Stay away please!

I think its an american thing, both me and DH lived and worked there for 15 years and now we host friends who are comming to the UK all the time, we've got 16 people in and out during the summer and whenever we go back over we have lots of offers from friends and even people we dont know that well and who have never met our 5 kids for us all to come and stay with them.
She probably would be more than happy to have you stay with her in return, Americans are much more friendly and welcoming than the British.

Thank you for the heads up that it is an American thing. Makes me feel a bit better about it.

I do like her and she will hopefully be over here studying next year. However she will have sponsorship and accommodation with that,

I don't think this is an American thing! I am American (cringe to admit it right now) and never take it for granted that I am staying with someone when traveling. I do have friends who offer, though.

British homes do tend to be small than those in US, even apartments; so maybe that makes us more likely to offer? and some might just assume that as they usually are offered a place, that they will be offered one again?

Bloody Americans!!!
I offered my US friend a bed in London for three nights when he was here and we were meeting up with a bunch of other friends for the weekend. He travels a lot and tries to do it as cheaply as possible so he can do all the other things on offer. He declined my offer (still not sure why), booked a hotel, then spent all weekend bitching about the cost of the hotel and about all the things that weren't right with his room etc. I just nodded and buttoned my lip....

PS I love Americans but am rude about all nationalities inc British

I’ve had the same experience with an American! We met on holiday, we lived in that country at the time but a different area. I mentioned that it’s a shame she had plans for NY as she could have spent the evening with us. More of a musing really. An hour later she’d cancelled the rest of her land and stayed with us for 8 days!! Did not put her hand in her pocket once. Cost a fortune in meals, days out etc. It got to the point where I basically ignored her on day 7 and she flirted out early the next day. No thank you or bye your leave. Ruuuuuude 🤬

Never again 😂